WashingTelevision: Veep Recap, Season Two, Episode Three, “Hostages”

Selina got her gun, Sue got her 15 minutes of fame, and Kent got his noodles and a cerise folder.
Image by Lacey Terrell for HBO.
Image by Lacey Terrell for HBO.

It’s a bad week in Washington when Sean Penn is doing more about an actual issue than
the leaders of the free world are. This week’s
Veep, titled “Hostages,” saw Selina come into her own while attempting to force the President
to do something about the hostages being held somewhere (the actors on
Veep spit out jokes so fast it’s impossible to figure out the nuances of plotlines most
of the time). Anyway, Kent did his polling, and the people were in favor, and the
hostages were rescued. Selina swore in some new senators, and Sue was forced to testify
to Congress on a boring and totally pointless committee on executive waste. Also,

Clay Davis popped up as secretary of defense George Maddox, a man who hates Selina and occasionally
fires guns in anger. Behold, the winners and losers.

Winners

Hostages/Hormones. Kinda. They were rescued, which was good, but one Marine lost a leg, which moved
Selina to the kind of sadness only a giant almond croissant could alleviate. Is this
the first time we’ve seen the Veep have feelings that weren’t frustration or rage?
She seemed a little teary at the swearing-in ceremony, too. If this leads into a big
old story arc about menopause, I’m going to lose my mind. Selina’s two-minute-long
pregnancy was bad enough.

Noodles. “Noodles need to be heated at 800 watts for three minutes and 35 seconds. Any more
and they’ll dry out. Any less and they’ll be damp and flaccid like a lady’s hair in
the rain.” I actually know people who make speeches like this and have the same kind
of Rain Man-esque dedication to microwaveable ramen. Either way, Kent’s timing was
perfection.

Politico. Because it was mentioned on
Veep, and you know everyone over there was freaking
out about it. That’s when they weren’t
coming up with terrible questions to ask Julia Louis-Dreyfus in
real
life.

Puns on the word “west.” Now that the Veep has an office in the White House, the writers have a stable of
new puns to use. “Kanye West Wing.” “Fastest gun in the West Wing.” In the hazy recesses
of my brain, I seem to recall the writers using “Wicked Witch of the West Wing” last
season.

Garyoke. Dan tried to replace it with his Dannyoke, but that led to Selina making cracks about
filmmaking instead of fishing to a newbie senator while Dan mimed reeling in a rod.
Super awk.

Losers

Robust. “Who you gonna call? Robusters,” quipped the fake
Washington Post headline after Sue beat Selina to the buzzword of the day. Robust also managed to
star in a word cloud. All in all, a good day for an unusual adjective.

Cerise. Only Kent would differentiate between cherry red and cerise folders. He probably
has a fuchsia one somewhere. And Jonah has a very rare form of color blindness that
means he can’t tell one from the other. Either that or he never picked up an issue
of
Elle Decor.

Clay Davis. We have
Isiah Whitlock Jr. in an entire episode of
Veep and we don’t get a single “Sheeeeit”? Terrible.

Congressional hearings. Oy, are they tedious. It was nice to see Sue off her throne for a day, though, even
if the newfound fame inevitably went to her head.

Cliff. “This is all Cliff’s fault, that grinning f**king ewok,” spat Selina after Cliff
assured her January 6 was free (it was, if you don’t count the minor task of swearing
in all the new members of the Senate). So Selina had to miss watching the hostage
rescue effort go down from the Situation Room and watch from the “Shituation Room”
instead via telecast. And poor Cliff couldn’t stop grinning. “I’m trying to. I’m not
sure why my face is doing this.”

Best Lines

“That’s going to electrify DC.” (Selina)

“No. It’s going to ACDC.” (Dan)

“Take care of Selina, okay? VP stands for Very Precious.” (Gary)

“Why would she be nervous? The only people watching this are you and some guy in the
hospital with locked-in syndrome.” (Jonah)

“Get your own ear, Van Gogh!” (Gary)

“Sue only has one name, like Pocahontas, or Hitler, or Moby.” (Mike)

“This is like explaining gravity to a chicken.” (Amy)

“Semper f**king fee.” (Selina)

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