Dating Diaries Roundtable: Hooking Up Vs. Dating

Today, our dating diarists debate whether dating is dead—and if hooking up is replacing it.

A New York Times op-ed columnist recently wrote that “dating is dead. Hooking up is here to stay.” Do you agree or disagree?

Sally Colson Cline: I just can’t seem to muster a lot of passion for the hooking-up/dating debate that some journalists get breathless over. Laura Sessions Stepp, I’m looking at you. I have friends who let hook-ups lead to relationships and friends who go on actual dates and would never just hook up. Neither type of friend seems to have any problems finding like-minded partners. Hooking up is part of the landscape for all genders and all sexual orientations, although to me it seems to be something for younger people to do. Who’s to say if the hooking-up generation will age into dating or if they’ll still be hooking up? Is hooking up here to stay? Probably yes. Is that a tragedy? Hardly. Relationships will develop either way.

Michael Amesquita: I definitely think that the mindset of dating versus hooking up depends mostly on age and religion. Having taught high school, I know a lot of my students were just hooking up. I also know a lot of high schoolers who don’t drink or believe in premarital sex and still manage to have exciting dating lives. Maybe it does start at home with teaching your children values. As far as college and beyond, I think one needs to learn how to date—open doors, hold a conversation, take time to plan the date beforehand.

Dana Neil: Wow. I agree with his final statement. That’s just sad. This article makes it seem like we’ve lost the ability and desire to get to know someone. Maybe it’s my age, but I don’t believe that “dating is dead and hooking up is here to stay.” This isn’t a new thing, maybe just a new facet of an old thing. It used to be called a one-night stand. For kids in college and young adults, at some point, they’ll want to meet someone special and build a life with them. And they will. I believe in emotional connections and feelings and commitment, and I don’t think our need for them will ever go away. I also understand that sometimes people only want the physical connections. There’s a time and a place for it all.

Lucas Wall: I agree with this perspective for the most part. I’ve long been frustrated by the difficulty in finding other guys who are looking for traditional dating. It has always seemed easier to find a hook-up than a true date. I feel this cultural trend favoring hook-ups is especially true in the gay community, where traditional dating has often been less of the scene because of the various degrees of comfort gay men have in being open and honest about their sexuality. While fully “out and proud” men are more likely to look for dates as they get older, there are many other men who have sex with men who are not at all looking for a boyfriend or husband. They want to stay in the closet relationship-wise while still fulfilling their sexual desires through anonymous sexual encounters.

One point in the article I disagree with is that hooking up only happens among friends. Perhaps that’s more true in the straight community, but in the gay world, my experience has been that hook-ups happen almost solely with total strangers met online or in a bar or club. Few of my friends have ever hooked up with each other—at least that I’m aware of. I have the sense that most gay male friendship circles are strictly platonic. The hook-up comes when you meet that hot stranger and want to get it on for the night without worrying about having to see him again.

Kate Searby: I totally disagree. Dating is alive and well, especially in Washington. If you’re sincerely interested in someone, you’ll naturally want to spend time getting to know him or her as a person. People who get physical before becoming emotionally intimate miss out on a lot. It very often ruins any chance of building a meaningful connection. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen—I’m sure it does sometimes—but hooking up first is not for me.

Jenn Heilman: Hooking up is here to stay, but dating is not dead. I’m not going to claim to be an expert on the subject of hooking up. I’ve never wanted to bring a guy home one night and not see him the next, but I’ve heard the stories of friends who have. Some live with no second thoughts about their decision. Others get their heart broken because if the occasional hook-up leads to a friends-with-benefits arrangement, more than likely one person will also be hoping that the relationship could turn out to be more while the other is satisfied with the way things are. I look at the hooking-up phenomenon as the 21st-century way of girls and guys experimenting with life, growing up, and figuring out what they eventually want out of a long-term, monogamous relationship. If this is the way they want to explore their sexuality, then more power to them. I’ve found that the idea of dating and really looking for someone to have a serious relationship with seems to kick in for guys between 27 and 30. Most people will seek long-term companionship—and it’s not the type of companionship you’re going to find with someone who’s gone the next morning before you even wake up.

Max Schwartz: I’d say that’s definitely true for college students. For the rest of us—even people like me who are only recently graduated—I’m not so sure. I do know people who aren’t really going on traditional dates with the people they’re “dating.” They just see each other at the same parties or go to bars with groups of friends, but nobody is really at the level of total informality I saw before I left school. Even the article only refers to college and high-school students.

I personally don’t have a lot of interest in it. If your social network looks like a wreath, with everyone hooking up with each other, then you’re just setting yourself up for serious problems later on when something inevitably goes sour.

What do you think, readers? Is hooking up here to stay, while dating is DOA? We want to know; let out your thoughts and responses to the dating diarists in the comments below!

>> See all Dating Diaries posts

Comments

aR <a href="http://cipromotion.net/date/member/blog_post_view.php?post">gucci bags</a> rN http://ghdstraightener9986.mee.nu/gucci_bags_on_sale_match_your

Posted by: RecyModyReove, Jan 30, 2012 04:12:39 PM

vMR <a href="http://louisvuittonclearance66.quicksnake.net/shopping/ghd-stockists-nz-smooth-glossy">cheap ghd</a> rFP http://www.constructionreunited.com/guccireplica118/blog/cheap-ghd-along-with-the/ eOV <a href="http://www.nexopia.com/users/lvwallets5968/blog/6-cheap-ghd-australia-could">ghd australia shop</a> zTU http://louisvuittonclearance66.quicksnake.net/shopping/ghd-hair-styles-graphics yAQ <a href="http://www.woolp.com/hermesbracelet118/blog/cheap-ghd-hair-straightener-product/">ghd dark</a> cCZ http://www.roisun.net/belajarngaji/ngajiceramahrutin/agus-sunyoto-ngajiceramahrutin/ghd-purple-doing-you-hair-from-your lZZ <a href="http://www.newbusinessintel.com/member/29723">hermes bangles</a> oZS http://hermesbracelet118.doomby.com/blog/jimmy-choo-sneakers-hermes-store-get-in-case-the.html

Posted by: gygiexagioura, Jan 18, 2012 07:50:06 AM

OxWN <a href="http://www.statusing.com/louisvuittonalma5557/blog/ghd-curling-iron-as-well-as/">ghd hair straightener stockists</a> ApZI http://my-bilingual.com/wordpress/ghdoutlet116/2012/01/16/improve-ghd-aus-this-is-appearance-with/ IhTQ <a href="http://www.roisun.net/belajarngaji/ngajiceramahrutin/agus-sunyoto-ngajiceramahrutin/ghd-for-sale-the-dkny-check">ghd outlet</a> KkFA http://www.mimeface.co.uk/pt/ghd-for-sale-Hair-comb-are/blog.htm IeEO <a href="http://www.louisvuittonforsale3585.ewebsite.com/articles/ghd-midnight-collection-together.html">ghd precious gift set</a> TcBM http://louisvuittonneverfullbag.yolasite.com/ WcZC <a href="http://metegrit13.blogspace.fr/3083599/Hermes-purse-within-Kelly-felix-container-model-will-you-like-it/">replica hermes</a> HmOZ http://www.poehlamnaschmarkt.at/index.php/member/17770/

Posted by: impevieta, Jan 16, 2012 05:13:14 PM

xgI <a href="http://guccireplica.manablog.jp/archives/5">hermes birkin bag replica</a> chT http://www.tdw.com/member/18517/ vtR <a href="http://www.thenewsliteracyproject.org/member/26021/">gucci messenger bag</a> dqU http://guccireplica.howtobuybest.com/2012/01/14/gucci-wallets-for-men-handbag-initial/ fxY <a href="http://www.aliveworld.com/members/guccidufflebags2658/blog/archive/2012/01/13/gucci-stores-household-leather.aspx">gucci backpack</a> fjF http://community.atom.com/Post/Explanations-You-should-get-A-Gucci-Tote/03EFBFFFF0256F5560008018139F4 pvC <a href="http://democraticmuse.com/?q=content/gucci-replica-count-better-twelve-months">replica gucci bags</a> gyN http://www.malibumag.com/member/45900/

Posted by: Attasyday, Jan 15, 2012 01:33:33 PM

bcF <a href="http://www.woolp.com/guccidufflebag5988/blog/hermes-replica-product-you-wish/">hermes birkin bag replica</a> qgH http://salvagee94.over-blog.com/pages/hermes-birkin-bag-hermes-thirst-on-the-earth-6346719.html noD <a href="http://www.freeblog.com.br/guccireplica/510594/Consider+as+soon+as+these+kinds+of+gucci+tote+happen.html">gucci tote bag</a> xrD http://wearcognition.com/index.php/member/23048/ djV <a href="http://www.ithejury.com/guccibeltbag13/blog/gucci-outlet-store-easily-removed/">gucci handbags outlet</a> orA http://taciturn50.posterous.com/cheap-prada-custom-made-handbags pdK <a href="http://www.ithejury.com/guccioutletstores13/blog/gucci-outlet-stores-household-leather/">gucci wallets on sale</a> niP http://guccireplica.bloggd.org/2012/01/14/merchandise-as-well-as-discount-gucci-handbags-go-back-yet/

Posted by: vektriers, Jan 14, 2012 03:41:30 PM

6EbqD0RbxS6 <a href="http://uggoutletstore48.seesaa.net/article/241320424.html">ghd straighteners uk</a> 6OguK9XyqM0 http://nirmalite14.com/communiti/blogs/entry/cheap-ghd-straighteners-rm68YV

Posted by: MusOpellMal, Dec 21, 2011 08:40:45 PM

7 At the end of the air filled with the desire to shop, windows everywhere Sale, the people involved in purchasing again and again the tide. As long as you look accurate, it is cheaper to buy a variety of favorite long can the good goods. can be concentrated in such raids without reckoning wanton procurement, but also easy to lose, so their reduced to "junk woman".
shopping, celebrities have always charge the former, experience is particularly rich . The stars of the shopping in Hong Kong after discount on large numbers of summer vacation in Hong Kong were more strongly into China. But the star, after all, not a fashion designer, was at a higher level, the reason gold, this issue also invite more place the most active designers and fashion people, personally surgeon, to help you sort out the change of the fashion pulse of new and old, peeling silkworm spinning, out of season rush to buy discount focus and dedication from their losses and gains experience.
Cecilia
raids Location: Times Square, Causeway Bay shopping
focus: the rebate, is cost-effective to buy cosmetics. In addition, Times Square, selling all kinds of girls clothing all year round, it is suitable for Cecilia’s style.
link Beijing: China Friendship Department Store < br> bag bargains key: even if a discount, the top big things, or very expensive. Therefore, learning to Cecilia, a down to meet their own tastes, purchasing power of local girls shopping for their installed it.
Vision Xuan
1. Fast shipping ,Best quaity products,
2. Payment Method : Accept Paypal,Western Union ,Money Gram,
3. and give free shipping, Accept the smallest order,
4. EMS,DHL,TNT,FEDEX etc.
Welcome into our WEB: http://www.cheapsneakercn.com
or http://www.newsneakerswholesale.com
raids Location: Pacific Place shopping
focus: Jessica, said: "buying things, the mood is most important, a discount is still followed. discount when the mind to keep the wrong reason will not buy a shirt. "seasonal, the Pacific Place and other brands such as D & G will hit 5 discount, shoppers are crazy. Jessica shopping frenzy does not belong to the girl, she likes to enjoy a leisurely way to try on clothes in the environment.
Link Beijing: Palace Hotel
bag bargains focus: a world-class brand of seasonal goods, but also enjoy five-star shopping environment. discount store dressing room to be some period of long lines, very annoying.
Carina Lau
mop Location: Central, The Landmark
shopping points: famous discount, the Carina is often the first time in the Landmark in Central to buy some clothes. waiting there almost every day, paparazzi photographed celebrities visiting the shop shapes and sizes. If there were paparazzi be exposed Shu Qi in the Landmark bought the former boyfriend Dawn LV purse.
link Beijing: International Trade
bag bargains focus: mature women have the economic strength of the F1 layer of the LV,cheap jordan shoes, Max & Mara and other big discount, absolutely immense interest.
Shirley
1. Fast shipping ,Best quaity products,
2. Payment Method : Accept Paypal,Western Union ,Money Gram,
3. and give free shipping, Accept the smallest order,
4. EMS,DHL,TNT,FEDEX etc.
Welcome into our WEB: http://www.cheapsneakercn.com
or http://www.newsneakerswholesale.com
raids Location: City Plaza shopping
points: Shirley admitted that discount when buying more for the family, prefer the design of flu in some famous small jewelry, see the chic, will be more to buy some souvenirs. Shirley that time to the mid-range priced discount shopping, more affordable, cost-effective.
link Beijing: Oriental Plaza
bag bargains focus :louis vuitton handbags There are many new jewelry store in particular is worth watching.nike shoes
Tsang
raids Location: Causeway Bay shopping Crawford
key: Do not look to see Eric Tsang, in fact, but his authentic "human fashion . "discount in August each year seven seasons, Crawford boutique often as low as 6 fold, Eric Tsang usually discounted selection of men’s time,replica IWC, including attending events to wear suits, usually wear casual clothes when shopping and so on.
Link Beijing: Lufthansa
bag bargains focus: Lufthansa Men do not fancy, but definitely has the quality of content, clothing brands such as BOSS, Xenia class brand, should be the successful man not to be missed Taobao focus.
Anthony Wong
raids Location: Causeway Bay SOGO SOGO shopping
focus: shopping is clearly not just a small girl’s patent, even if it rough as Anthony Wong’s "character man" is also keen to Shopping, I once SOGO SOGO Department Store in Causeway Bay and saw Anthony Wong, accompanied by the Assistant buy clothes. He admitted that from time to time the discount SOGO activities is to attract one of the reasons he went. Anthony Wong preference with punk-style clothing, hand-painted T-shirts and with nail jeans will let Anthony Wong put it down.
link Beijing: SOGO, Parkson
bag bargains key: do not discount timing activities,mbt shoes give you a lot of value for money windfall.
Ekin Cheng
mop Location: Sai Yee Street, (Shoes Street)
shopping focus: not so in love with actress and cosmetics to buy pretty dresses everywhere, like the movement of Ekin Cheng usually buy more emphasis on sports and leisure shoes, so Sneaker Street in Mong Kok he must be free to visit the place. Shoes Street stores selling NIKE, ADIDAS and so on of the newest sports and leisure shoes are usually sold at prices of seven Bazhe it off for the birth does not know how frugal is Ekin Cheng It is a very economical choice, so he does not shoot as long as it will go to buy a few pairs of sneakers Street favorite shoes home.
link Beijing: SOGO Oriental Plaza Sports 100
bag bargains Focus: Sports class clothing. Movement like you, discount,mbt shoes be sure to buy some more.
She Poetry Man
raids Location: Harbour City, Tsim Sha Tsui shopping
points: Poetry Man She always busy filming, not so ordinary girl visit this store a lot of time, so she likes to Harbour City, you can also see the works of famous fashion designers and international famous brand stores, discount focus when, against a lot of things to be able to Amoy.
Link Beijing: World all Stores
bag bargains focus: people who do not have much time, the best brands on all of this high place,replica Rolex, one will be able to scrape together almost.
1. Fast shipping ,Best quaity products,
2. Payment Method : Accept Paypal,Western Union ,Money Gram,
3. and give free shipping, Accept the smallest order,
4. EMS,DHL,TNT,FEDEX etc.
Welcome into our WEB: http://www.cheapsneakercn.com
or http://www.newsneakerswholesale.com

Posted by: sneakercn, Jun 29, 2011 06:30:18 AM

http://www.coderoad.ca

Posted by: Teaching Children values, Oct 12, 2010 04:47:15 PM

I think that teaching children values is of paramount importance to any parent. By doing so, we help our children understand the world and the difficult decisions that they have in their path. Teach them well=see them succeed<a href="http://www.coderoad.ca">.</a>

Posted by: teaching children values, Oct 12, 2010 04:46:12 PM

Chris Stokes became known in 1995 when he produced his sister Juanita Stokes’ single entitled ’Mind Blowin’. Furthermore, he became the CEO of TUG (The Ultimate Group) that handles many successful artists,<a http://twitter.com/ChrisStokes1969> Chris Stokes </a>.

Posted by: Chris Stokes, Jan 13, 2010 08:51:07 AM

Thanks for the great blog post. I can see your a good blogger! We will add this story to our blog via our IT guy at http://www.seochampion.com/seoblog, as we have a audience in las vegas that will read your article. Thanks a lot <a href="http://www.seochampion.com"> search engine optimization firms </a>.

Posted by: seo firms, Jan 06, 2010 12:41:56 PM

Thanks for sharing the information. This is a great stuff of reading, I will pass it on to our audience. Thanking you. <a href="http://www.hydroponicswholesale.com/">discount hydroponics</a>

Posted by: discount hydroponics, Dec 24, 2009 12:26:28 AM

http://www.cheapuggsonline.net ugg outlet

http://www.cheapuggsonline.net cheap uggs online

http://www.cheapuggsonline.net/UGG_Ultra_Short_boots.html UGG Ultra Short boots

Posted by: cheap uggs online, Dec 10, 2009 10:59:21 PM

This is a great reading. Thanks for the post. we have audience that like to read this kind of posts. we will add this to our site. Thanking you. <a
href="http://www.universityloveconnection.com">dating website</a>

Posted by: dating website, Nov 30, 2009 04:46:01 AM

Great article,This site is very useful,online dating is useful everyone,Thanks for the greatreading,<a href="http://www.collegedatingwebsite.com/">college dating website</a>.I will pass this on to our Ira clients to read.

Posted by: collegedating, Nov 10, 2009 11:23:23 AM

excellent post please keep updating

it is funny

love it

http://www.COLLEGEDATINGWEBSITE.COM

Posted by: college dating website, Nov 09, 2009 09:47:25 AM

Thanks for the great reading, <a href="http://www.universityloveconnection.com/">college dating</a> . I will pass this on to our a clients to read.

Posted by: university, Oct 27, 2009 10:44:37 AM

Thanks for the great reading, <a href="http://www.universityloveconnection.com/">college dating</a> . I will pass this on to our a clients to read.

Posted by: university, Oct 27, 2009 10:44:03 AM

Thanks for the great reading, <a href="http://www.universityloveconnection.com/">college dating</a> . I will pass this on to our a clients to read.

Posted by: university, Oct 27, 2009 10:42:36 AM

On my blog, I target young women of college age and it’s very clear that on college campuses, hooking up is the only path to relationships, though that only occurs 12% of the time. The hookup culture suits guys perfectly, for the most part. But the majority of girls are dissatisfied with the lack of choice. Some girls would like to have casual sex some of the time, but there are many young women who would like a special relationship. Many of them won’t have that opportunity until after graduation, when guys are more likely to settle into dating.

www.HookingUpSmart.com

Posted by: Susan Walsh, Jan 10, 2009 06:31:33 AM

Dating Diaries Roundtable: Hooking Up Vs. Dating

Comments

Post a comment

What to Do This Weekend: February 9 to 12

Music Picks: Jack’s Mannequin, All Things Gold, Steve Aoki