Thursday, December 3
It’s Washington—even our humor is political. Catch Unlawful Assembly at Arlington’s Comedy Spot (Ballston Common Mall, 4238 Wilson Blvd., Arlington; 703-294-5233), a staged reading of a comedy screenplay written by former Illinois state senator Mark Q. Rhoads and directed by his sister, Cheryl Felicia Rhoads. Touted, naturally, as “nonpartisan,” it’s set in the Illinois State Legislature Unlawful Assembly. The performance also commemorates Illinois’s entrance into the Union—December 3. Click here for tickets ($15). 7:30.

Friday, December 4
A flight of comedians is on deck for the Three Chord Comedy Happy Hour at the Velvet Lounge. Rob Cantrell, a writer for HBO’s Flight of the Conchords, will join fellow standups Mike Eltringham, Ahmed Huidobro, and Eli Sairs. Tickets are $4; happy-hour drink prices—$2 for Natty Bohs and $4 rail drinks—will be in effect. The show starts at 7.

None of the absurd, pathetic, or downright stupid aspects of American life are unknown to the writers of the Onion, the highly quotable satiric newspaper that came out of the University of Wisconsin and garnered international fame. Meet the minds behind those famous headlines with a meet-and-greet with the Onion’s humor writers at the Capitol City Brewing Company. Free. You’ll have access to happy-hour food and drink prices if you e-mail to RSVP.

Wednesday, December 9, through Sunday, December 13
The animated, fast-paced cynicism of Sebastian Maniscalco will be on tap at DC Improv. Maniscalco was featured in Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show, and his hourlong standup special recently premiered on Comedy Central. Wednesday and Thursday at 8:30, Friday and Saturday at 8 and 10:30, Sunday at 8. Tickets are $15 to $17 plus a two-item minimum from the club’s menu.

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