Always a Bridesmaid: Last Word for the Single Girls
Katie shares her last thoughts on what she's learned about being a bridesmaid.
By
Katie Bunker
I have a close group of friends from college whom I’ve seen every year since graduation—largely at weddings. And when Angie and Crouton got married this summer, they rounded out the first half of our group of six to get hitched. At each wedding, while our remaining single trio lamented the latest friend to bite the dust, we always came back to the same question: Who’s going to host the reunion next year?
When I meet my fellow bridesmaids or other single friends for lunch, sometimes they’ll mention this blog. They don’t ask me about my ideas for shower games or where my friends had their bachelorette parties. They start questioning their relationships, their single lives, even their friendships with women who may or may not ask them to be bridesmaids. For some women, the saying “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride” evokes more of a reaction than just “Oh, that’s what the title of your blog means!”
Unfortunately, regardless of how much other excitement is going on around us, many women have reactions that are a bit more selfish, wondering, “How long until I meet somebody I can have a future with?” For me, the bridesmaid, I honestly cry at weddings because it feels so good to see people that happy. And I count myself fortunate to be in a wonderful relationship. But whether you’re single in the eyes of Facebook subscribers or only in the eyes of the IRS, being a bridesmaid or even a guest forces a little bit of reflection for all women.
For the bride and groom, the wedding day is the commencement of a lifetime of new memories. The exchanging of vows, the honeymoon, the first house, the first kid—it’s all those things we celebrate with Champagne and the electric slide. But the rest of us have plenty of firsts to celebrate right now. So for my last thoughts on what I’ve learned about being a bridesmaid, besides an unchallengeable knowledge of party favors and dresses, I want to toast the single ladies:
A toast to my friend who just moved into her first roommate-free city apartment.
A toast to my friend who loves being a brand-new aunt. And another to my friend who’s a longtime one.
One for my friend who’s going back to school and another for my friend who got a great new job. One for my friend who just fell in love and another for my friend who’s getting to know herself better now that she’s single for the first time since she was 15. One for my friend who’s raising a baby daughter and another for my friend who just got her graduate degree. One for my friend who ran her first marathon and one for my friend who bought her first house.
Weddings can make even the most secure single woman wonder, “When is my day coming?” Well, it’s already here. A new home is still a new home whether or not someone is there to carry us over the threshold. A vacation is no less tropical because we’re going with friends. Christmas is no less magical for spending it with parents and siblings instead of a spouse and children. You don’t have to be registered to receive amazing—though far less predictable—gifts. And there’s a lot of love in life to celebrate—between a parent and child, a brother and sister, and of course, a bride and her bridesmaid. To follow Katie's adventures from the beginning, click here. To read the latest Bridal Party blog posts, click here.
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Comments
I have to agree with SG in some ways. There are women who want to get married and have children and watching all of their friends get that opportunity while waiting on the sidelines can be difficult. Unless you are incapable of complex human emotion, it is possible to be very happy for your friend’s big day, but still feel a bit sad facing the insecurity of whether you will have the same particular joy one day and it is not being ’selfish’ - it is being human - having dreams and hopes and fears. Why should someone give up their dream of falling in love and being loved? It’s great to have a graduate degree, your own home, and a great job - but that doesn’t mean you can’t/shouldn’t/don’t want to have someone to share those joys with. This doesn’t sound condescending necessarily, it sounds more dangerous, like it is making women feel bad for wanting something that is the basis of human society - family. Study most religions and you will find one constant is basic human nature principle which postulates that we are a communal species.
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Posted by: herve leger, Jul 29, 2011 04:22:57 AM
thanks for a great blog Katie -- I think it is (and should be) becoming increasingly clear that women can live in all sorts of configurations of single, married, with children, without children, with others’ children, with pets or without, and in between, and be perfectly happy. As we get further away from the once-prescribed notion of women having to get married and have 2.5 children to be happy, I think we are going to end up with a lot more women who are truly happy in the life that they actually choose for THEMSELVES. amen.
Posted by: Bridget, Nov 27, 2009 08:31:16 AM
YES to Chicago (or Atlanta or DC) 2010! Great article! Here’s to all the single ladies. :)
Posted by: roadrunner, Jul 21, 2009 07:33:56 PM
To: SG
Ditto!!! If you sit down and really read the blog (and my comment which was only as rude as your response to Katie), you might understand that Katie is telling all women, no matter what their status is, to celebrate the important times in their lives and do not worry whether they are single, married, engaged, etc.
Posted by: Tennis Fanatic, Jul 15, 2009 12:30:33 PM
Sure.
Posted by: SG, Jul 15, 2009 11:49:21 AM
SG- The blogger, Katie, is not engaged and not trying to patronize people. I think you took this opportunity to get on a soap box and ran with it!
Posted by: Get your facts straight..., Jul 15, 2009 11:37:42 AM
Tennis Fanatic:
I do not appreciate the impolite personal comments. I am extremely happy with my status, whatever it may be.
Posted by: SG, Jul 15, 2009 10:24:49 AM
To SG: Lighten up - you sound a bit bitter! I, and many others, certainly did not interpret this blog as condescending. Perhaps you are a tad bit insecure with your own status?
Posted by: Tennis Fanatic, Jul 15, 2009 09:24:12 AM
Reactions that make a person reflective are "selfish"?
I don’t mean to be rude, but this blog entry is extremely patronizing. I doubt single women need to hear that "it’s okay to be single!" from an engaged woman. It’s condescending to assume that a single bridesmaid (or even a bridesmaid in a stable relationship that may or may not be heading towards the altar) automatically feels bad and jealous when they see their good friends get married.
No person needs any other person’s opinion to "feel better" about their relationship status.
Perhaps you were only speaking about your personal friends, but to me, that seems even more disrespectful--telling readers that your friends are insecure about their current state in life.
You are well-written, but no one needs your approval to be happy with being single, or simply not being engaged.
Posted by: SG, Jul 15, 2009 06:08:46 AM
The best one yet!! Please keep on writing so we can enjoy!!
Posted by: Tennis Fanatic, Jul 14, 2009 02:03:46 PM
well stated
Posted by: kerr, Jul 14, 2009 10:57:38 AM
And a toast to your friend at the Washingtonian who stalks your blog and always comments? I’m going to miss these articles. Thanks for the great insight! :)
Posted by: Vanessa, Jul 13, 2009 03:51:16 PM
Next reunion - July 2010 - Chicago.
Posted by: Wrigley, Jul 13, 2009 10:53:31 AM
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