Mom of the Bride: Support-Group Meeting in Room 14
Amanda searches for a go-to source for wedding information.
By
Amanda Warrington
I nervously introduced myself: “Hi. My name is Amanda, and I’m a mother of a bride.” A chorus of sympathetic voices answered, “Hi, Amanda.” Okay, so it hasn’t come to that, but if I don’t find some consistent, practical advice soon, I’ll be the founding member of Mother of the Bride Support (MOBS).
The sources for wedding advice are endless, including magazines, Web sites, TV shows, books, and of course, the trusty family and friends. The volume and breadth of advice is not an issue. My problem has been that I keep finding contradictory advice. Are weddings the Wild West of event planning?
The business of weddings is an industry of its own. Never mind the actual vendors, services, and hospitality industries available—consider the advertising, Web sites, and publications selling the dream to the brides. It’s overwhelming! Off the top of my head, I can think of four movies that have come out in the last decade that are centered around weddings. The Friends TV series had at least three weddings that I can recall. We love weddings—they’re life-affirming celebrations of love and hope. What better event to build an industry around?
The sources of information are endless. What I need is a single source I can trust. I searched online and found three different answers to the question of whether the shower guests should be invited to the wedding. Miss Manners says absolutely, yes. I tend to let Miss Manners break ties. Finding the wide variance in answers and approaches has left me wondering how much deference needs to be paid to tradition and to what degree today’s brides can do whatever they want.
Whether to invite shower guests to the wedding is not really the immediate issue at hand—we’re a long way off from planning a shower. But I’ve never planned a wedding before. What I really want to do is nail down my go-to source for information. Or I guess I could just use whatever source suits my taste and continue to ask Judith Martin to decide the tough ones for me.
I went to the bookstore and found a few wedding-planning books geared toward moms. One of them started with stories of crazy moms, and it really scared me. I do not want to be that person. I finally settled on a book that has solid practical advice and took it home. I hope this book, along with an occasional consult with Miss Manners, will be enough to keep me from needing to attend the MOBS meetings. This wedding is my daughter’s day, and my goal is for it to be everything she wants it to be.
Oh, and we shouldn’t forget her fiancé or we’ll soon be hearing about his support group, Fiancé of the Bride Support (FOBS)! Amanda, a local mother of the bride, writes occasionally about helping to plan her daughter's wedding, which will be in the spring. To follow her journey from the beginning, click here.
To read the latest Bridal Party blog posts, click here.
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Posted by: Coach Outlet Online store, Aug 30, 2011 02:51:32 AM
I am in same situation as Kim. Our daughter has totally excluded us from her planning. We are paying for the wedding and the honeymoon.
Our whole family feels excluded and saddened by her behavior.
She is continuing to expect us to host all the meals for the inlaws for the whole weekend....and my husband thinks I should do it. I have refused to do it 3 times already and they keep pushing.
All the joy has been taken out of what would have been a happy day. As one of my girlfriends put it
Shut up, Show up and wear "Beige"
Waiting for the day after the wedding.
Posted by: Mithi, Aug 09, 2011 06:04:31 AM
Kim - I think that is probably pretty common. I am very very fortunate to have been able to help Tiffy as much as I have. Maybe you can offer to help w/ "assigned" tasks, let your daughter delegate items to you do for her. Maybe she just really wants everything to be her special touch and her own style. And if not, just try to enjoy it and remember that it is HER wedding. I got that reminder more than once along the way :)
Posted by: Amanda, May 08, 2009 12:43:16 PM
How can I enjoy ’planning the wedding’ when my daughter won’t let me any where near the ’plans’ and my help/ideas might "TAINT" her wedding?? My money seems to be acceptible, and it’s O.K. for me to entertain the mother of the groom when she gets into town, but other wise my ’help’ is neither wanted or needed. I don’t think I have ever felt this disincluded in my life. I feel more like one of the guests than the mother of the bride. At this point I don’t even really see the need for me to even show up. HELP ??
Posted by: Kim, May 03, 2009 09:54:37 PM
I apologize that I just found your question.
For May, you have a lot of choices, but peonies would be a perfect bloom for spring. They are beautiful, they take up a lot of space, and come in nice colors. Calla lilies are large in May, most blooms are more expensive, due to Mother’s Day
Posted by: Pam Archer, Nov 07, 2008 07:35:34 PM
Pamela - thanks so much posting the comment. We have made a lot of progess since I originally wrote this particular blog. There is so much information out there. And we are definitely enjoying the process . . . thanks! :)
I knew that a family member should not host a shower. I was surprised though by the variety of answers I found to that "sample question" when researching sources at the outset. I think the key is to find a comfortable balance among the traditional rules, the contemporary standards and everything in between.
Tiffany is fortunate to have had a friend of the family offer to do her flower design; but, as a flower expert what blooms do you like for a late May wedding?! :)
Posted by: Amanda, Oct 06, 2008 06:41:07 PM
I understand your frustration. Wedding planning can be overwhelming and frightening. I advise you to find a good wedding consultant, if even to pay for a few hours of planning advice. It will be money well-spent.
As for the shower question. Etiquette upholds that you should not invite anyone to a shower that you will not be inviting to the wedding. To do so says that your purpose is to receive a gift. While tradition does not hold as it once did, good manners will always be in style. It is also inappropriate to give your daughter a shower. That is generally the responsiblity of her honor attendant or a family friend.
Try to enjoy the planning process as much as possible, and don’t sweat the small things.
Pamela Archer, President
Pamela’s Exclusive Floral & Event Design
http://www.pamelaseventdesign.com
Posted by: Pam Archer, Oct 06, 2008 12:25:35 PM
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