Fast, loud, and schizophrenic, Robin Williams’s impression-heavy comedy routine is less a standup act than a one-man band, and it’s been making people laugh for 30 years. Now on his “Weapons of Self Destruction” tour, he’ll be appearing at DAR Constitution Hall Friday and Saturday, November 20 and 21; both nights the show starts at 8. Tickets ($63.50 to $93.50) can be purchased here.

Kate Clinton uses comedy as a way to critique the world and invoke change—her tours focus on politics, social issues, family, and the economy. (Last year’s tour was called “Hilarity Clinton ’08.”) In addition to two decades of standup, she’s written several humor books, made television and film appearances, and participated in a stage reading of a Tony Kushner play with Olympia Dukakis and Madeline Kahn. She’ll perform at the Birchmere Friday, November 20, at 7:30. Tickets are $45 and can be purchased here.

The first performance of Seasonal Disorder, the holiday show by the Washington Improv Theater troupe Onesixtyone, will be at Source Friday, November 20, starting at 8. Opening-night festivities include a wine-and-cheese reception and backstage tour, both included in the ticket price. After the show, a discussion is scheduled with the cast and director. Your ticket will also get you free admission to iMusical, starting at 9:30 in the same theater. Tickets are $25; buy them here.

1. “Take Five” on Thursday at the American Art Museum’s monthly night of free jazz in the Kogod Courtyard. With its wave-like glass canopy roof, the atrium gets a boost from 5 to 7 when the ten-piece Brad Linde Ensemble plays tunes by Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, and Lester Young. Beverages will be provided. For more information, click here.

2. On Thursday, the historic Tudor Place (1644 31st St., NW) is hosting an Art of Martini night from 6 to 8. For $10, guests can hobnob over martinis, refreshments, and live music as they explore the mansion and garden. The event is free for Tudor Place members. Guests must be 21 and over. To RSVP and purchase tickets, click here.

3. If you have a sweet tooth, you’ll want to pay a visit to ACKC in Alexandria on Thursday from 6:30 to 8:30 for a free chocolate-and-wine tasting. The confectionary shop will show off its new fall truffle flavors with libations provided by First Vine. No RSVP required.

Between Ping-Pong, McDonald’s, and fortune cookies, the United States and China have a rich history of cultural exchange. Therefore, it’s only appropriate that on the week President Obama tours China, the National Geographic Museum is welcoming the long-awaited exhibit “Terra Cotta Warriors: Guardians of China’s First Emperor.”

Described as “one of the most important archaeological discoveries in the world” by the museum’s director, Susan Norton, the exhibit—debuting Thursday and on display through March—features 100 relics and 15 life-size terra-cotta figures that had remained buried for more than 2,000 years in the tomb of China’s first emperor, Qin Shihuangdi (ruling from 221 to 210 BC). Discovered when a group of farmers went into a field to dig a well, the necropolis reveals an estimated 7,000 warriors in a virtual underground city created to protect the emperor as he journeyed into the afterlife. The display is the largest showcase of terra-cotta figures ever to travel to the United States and marks the first time the National Geographic Museum has charged money for an exhibit. So far, more than 96,000 advance tickets have been sold.

We got an early glimpse of the exhibit this week. Here are some of the highlights:

Monday: 60 Minutes
Go behind the scenes of 60 Minutes tonight when Leslie Stahl and Executive Producer Jeffrey Fager come to the National Press Club to talk about how they choose their stories and more. 8 PM; free. Get tickets here.

Tuesday: Holiday Blockbusters
We can’t be the only ones addicted to movie trailers, right? The DC Film Society is betting we're not. It's hosting “Coming Attractions: Trailer Night, Winter 2009,” an evening of—you guessed it—movie trailers for movies that will be coming out this holiday season. The event takes place at Landmark’s E Street Cinema at 7. Tickets are $8 for nonmembers; first-come, first-served tickets are available in the lobby starting at 6 pm.

Wednesday: Beaujolais Nouveau
Who wants to waste time when a holiday revolves around wine? Celebrate the first few seconds of Beaujolais Nouveau at the Brightest Young Things’ “A Breathless Beaujolais” celebration  Wednesday night at 1905. The countdown starts at 9; at midnight, the corks come out. The $10 cover includes wine and a DJ. No RSVP required. Check out our guide for more places to celebrate Beaujolais Nouveau.

When laws about wine sales conflate with commerce, wine lovers, and a healthy dose of competition, the result is something like Beaujolais Nouveau. This fruity red wine is harvested and fermented for only a few weeks before it’s shipped out—which, according to French law, can’t be before the third Thursday in November. Here’s where to celebrate in Washington:

Who wants to waste time when a holiday revolves around wine? Celebrate the first few seconds of Beaujolais Nouveau at the Brightest Young Things’ “A Breathless Beaujolais” celebration  Wednesday night at 1905. The countdown starts at 9; at midnight, the corks come out. The $10 cover includes wine and a DJ. No RSVP required.

Holding out for Thursday proper is La Maison Française, where the French embassy (4101 Reservoir Rd., NW) is hosting a Beaujolais celebration from 6:30 to 9:30. The menu includes a buffet and French pastries along with other French wines. Francophiles might want to check out the silent auction and raffle—the grand prize is a trip to Paris. Tickets, $60 per person, can be ordered here.

Monday, November 16
Christina Scheppelmann, director of artistic operations at the Washington National Opera, and Brandy Hawkins, a mezzo-soprano with the Domingo-Cafritz Young Artist program, present “So You Want to Be a Singer? An Opera Career Talk.” They’ll discuss how to build an opera-friendly résumé, career options in the opera arts, and answer questions. The event will be held in the Abramson Family Recital Hall at the Katzen Arts Center at American University. To make reservations, call 202-448-3465.

Tuesday, November 17
Stop by the Church of the Epiphany (1317 G St., NW; 202-347-2635) during your lunch hour to enjoy some classical music with your Five Guys fries. This week’s installment of the Tuesday Concert Series commemorates the 200th anniversary of Franz Joseph Haydn’s death with a program of his compositions performed by pianist Sonya Suhnhee Kim. It can be heard in the main sanctuary from 12:10 to 1. Donations, which benefit local musicians, are welcome.

Thursday, November 12
The five members of the group Broken Lizard, also known as the mad scientists behind the crass 2001 cult comedy Super Troopers, will present a smörgåsbord of performances in the Lisner Auditorium at George Washington University at 8. Expect standup, sketches, improv, original films, and a question-and-answer session. And yes, Farva will be there. Tickets are $29.50 ($23.50 for GWU students) and can be purchased here.

Tonight marks the opening standup performance by raunchfest master Robert Schimmel, who’s a regular on The Howard Stern Show. Schimmel will be in Washington all weekend at DC Improv Comedy Club. Thursday’s show starts at 8:30; he’ll also perform Friday and Saturday at 8 and 10:30 and Sunday at 8. Tickets are $22 and can be purchased here; there’s also a two-item minimum from DC Improv’s restaurant and bar at the event.