Thursday, December 13
DANCE: The guys behind the kinda sorta popular Sweet Tea Pumpkin Pie Festival (which is about music and dessert) are opening a music venue inside the Old Dominion Brewhouse near the convention center. Things at 9th & Beats get started tonight with Silent Disco: You get headphones, and two deejays spin—but you can only listen to one at a time. The result is a completely soundless-seeming—and maybe a bit confusing—dance party. $10. 10 PM.
BEER: Here’s a happy holiday gift: Scion is pulling out the rare beers it’s been holding out from you all year, meaning you’ll be able to try more than 50 beers you don’t normally find in DC—though you probably shouldn’t try them all if you don’t wanna die. 5 PM.
SWEATERS: Earlier this week, we plugged the ugly sweater party at Mellow Mushroom. Turns out Smith Commons on H Street is doing the same thing: Wear a sweater even your mom wouldn’t approve of and you’ll get $5 pints of seasonal brews from Anchor Brewing Company, Dogfish Head, Flying Dog, Sam Adams, and Sierra Nevada. Let’s hope Obama is participating. 5 PM to close.
Friday, December 14
KARAOKE: District Karaoke, which takes the art of embarrassing yourself onstage far too seriously, is letting whoever (that means you) sing at the Hill Center. Impress and you could find yourself at the next contest. To help get your nerves up and/or to make it easier to embarrass yourself, they’re offering an open bar from 7 to 8. $15 with the open bar; $5 for entry alone. 7 PM.
VARIETY: Big opening weekend for 9th & Beats: They’re hosting a variety show/comedy night featuring local improv, sketch, and standup comedy. There’ll also be live game shows. Tickets ($10) are available online. 8 PM.
DANCE: If $1 Red Bull vodkas sounds like both the best and worst idea, Jive to Survive—a dance night at George—is probably right for you. Pay $12 online (or $20 at the door) and you’ll pay a buck for rail drinks and Bud Lights from 10 to 11 and $5 for Manhattans to keep you moving all night. The event benefits Thrive DC. 10 PM.
Saturday, December 15
BAR CRAWL: In my mind, the phrase “snow day” should be reserved specifically for weekdays you don’t have to go to school (or work, these days). And though there won’t be any snow on the ground Saturday (trust me, I’m a weatherman), the Snow Day Bar Crawl sounds pretty fun. You and a couple thousand of your closest friends will make your way around Dupont (Recessions, Mighty Pint, Mad Hatter, James Hoban, Bottom Line, Front Page, etc.) with $2 Bud Lights, $3 rail drinks, and $3 candy cane shots. Cover gets you a refillable mug and a free beer. Dress up like Frosty the Snowman or some other festive thing. Register online ($20). 1 to 8 PM.
SANTARCHY: If two Santa bar crawls weren’t enough for you last weekend, here’s one more, and it has the coolest name: Santarchy. Despite the name, there’s all sorts of rules to Santarchy, namely that you wear a Santa costume. Luckily, most of the rules are “have fun and don’t make children cry,” which you can probably pull off. No drink specials, no money to participate: It’s just you and more than a thousand other Santas wreaking havoc all over DC. Free. 1 PM.
STORYTELLING: Get regaled with awkward and funny stories of growing up Jewish in a pretty Christmas-dominated place at Sixth & I’s My So-Called Jewish Life, featuring stories from the food editor of the Post, Andy Pollin (cohost of ESPN980s The Sports Reporters), ABC News reporter John Donvan, and ex-Washingtonian-er (and verified funny person) Eliot Stein. Tickets ($17) are available online. 8 PM.
COMEDY: The Capital City Showcase always features DC’s best performing artists, and Saturday’s is no different. You’ll see comedy by Sara Armour, Ralph Cooper, and Brian Fishbach, music by Jacob Panic and Linsay Deming, and storytelling by S.M. Shrake. $10 online or $15 at the door. 10 PM.
Sunday, December 16
WHOLESOME FAMILY CHRISTMAS EVENTS: For 30 years, the Christmas Revels—which features more than 100 performers—have been doing their thing in DC. Don’t know if they’re your true love, but they’ll give you renditions of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” a performance of Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, and lots of sing-alongs and Christmas-themed skits. Tickets ($18 to $45) are available online. 1 and 5 PM in GW’s Lisner Auditorium.
MOVIES: Watch a million Christmas movies at Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse’s marathon: $8 gets you admission to A Charlie Brown Christmas, Elf, The Grinch, A Christmas Story, Scrooged, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. If you’re a masochist or just REALLY like Christmas, you can sit through all eight movies; otherwise you can come and go as you want. Tickets are available online. 11:45 to 9.
Know of something cool going on around town? E-mail Jason Koebler at email@example.com, or find him on Twitter @jason_koebler.