The New Cronut, Chipotle’s Fake Hack, Royal Baby Food Testers: Eating & Reading

A tasty roundup of the best stuff we’re reading this week.

Ripped From the Headlines

Big food is turning to chefs to try to help them make healthier food taste better. “It can be as simple as using fresh herbs to replace salt or raisin paste to replace sugar,” says one source. “They’re learning it’s not as hard as they might have thought.” [NYT] —Sophie Gilbert

American baseball players are volunteering to be food testers for the new prince in England. It’s okay and not crazy at all because they’re “Royals.” [Fox News] —SG

Hey, look, a pizza version of the Royal Baby portrait! [HuffPo] —Tanya Pai


Unfortunate Tweets of the Week

Not so flattered: Concrete Blonde singer Johnette Napolitano wasn’t thrilled when she found out what Top Chef’s Jen Carroll wants to call her long-planned/delayed restaurant. [Eater] —Ann Limpert

The Royal Baby extravaganza led to a number of cringeworthy tweets from major brands, including Oreo, Starbucks, and Hostess. Here are 13 of the worst. [BuzzFeed] —Melissa Romero

If your corporation fakes its own Twitter hack, think of it as a cry for help. [Mashable] —Jessica Voelker

Whoopsie, Thomas Keller social media bot. [Eater] —SG


Regional Cuisine

Eighteen new foods will debut at the Iowa State fair this year, including bacon-wrapped riblets on a stick, strawberry funnel cake, and deep fried prairie oysters. Road trip! [Iowa State Fair]  —Melissa Romero

Serious Eats created a map of the US showing each state’s signature burger. Start planning your road trip now. [Serious Eats] —TP 

I spent a summer in Spain when I was in college, and the popular drink there was calimocho, a mix of red wine and Coke. Because that’s apparently too much work for the French, a vintner there has created a wine flavored with cola. [The Salt] —TP


Critical Mass

Speaking of that totally mediocre three-star review for Daniel, apparently Pete Wells used a dining decoy, which is something I will be happy to do for any of the Washingtonian food team at any time. [Eater] —SG

In response to Wells’s stunt, Slate takes on the role of the “anonymous” food critic. [Slate] —AS

I don’t know why anyone would want to pay me to retrace Alan Richman’s steps and eat and drink all 50 of these things, but—just throwing it out there—I’m totally game. [GQ] —JV

A totally impartial summary of Jeffrey Steingarten’s “long, bumpy, perilous, costly, time-consuming, often nauseating” food tour of Brooklyn for Vogue. [Bedford + Bowery] —TP


Modernist (and Postmodernist) Cuisine

Virginia Woolf is Bayley Hazen Blue. F. Scott Fitzgerald is La Tur. Junot Diaz is El Trigal Manchego. [Airshipdaily] —Todd Kliman

Thomas Pynchon on mayonnaise. Really. [biblioklep] —TK


You Can Put Your Weed in There

Best or worst kids’ meal toy ever? A 4-year-old in Michigan accidentally received a pipe filled with pot in his meal from Burger King. [Guardian Express] —MR


Stolen Goods

It’s 2013, and apparently we’re still surprised when people take things without paying for them. [Bethesda Now] —Chris Campbell

Raccoon to stupid cats while he steals their food in front of them: “I drank your milkshake.” [Tastefully Offensive] —CC


Cronut Corner

Forget the impossible allure of the cronut and have a Pop Tart ice cream sandwich instead. [HuffPo] —SG

I could care less about cronuts. I could also care less about the next attempt to seize the stupid name trophy: Crong John. [Dude Foods] —CC


Bugging Out

This reminds me of the time my wife and I were south of the border in a restaurant that purported to feature the cooking of pre-Columbian Mexico. Reasoning that this might well include things like insects and bugs, she said to the waiter: “Exactly how pre-Columbian are we talking about?” Well, she’d guessed right, and we—or rather, I—feasted on a meal with no shortage of grasshoppers. (If you’re ever considering eating them: gotta be salty, gotta be crunchy, and—ideally—stuffed into a tortilla with chili oil and guacamole.) Anyway: the critters are making a comeback in Mexico’s restaurants. [WaPo] —TK


Try This at Home

Just in time for peak tomato season, Food52 hooks up gazpacho with panzanella. [Food52]—AL

Time for the annual roundup of “it’s hot, so cook fish with citrus instead” pieces. [NPR] —SG