Erin with her sister and mother at her bridal shower.

Most people will admit that planning a wedding is stressful. It touches everyone: the bride, the groom, the mother of the bride, even the father of the groom. When you plan an expensive event that brings two families together and is one of the defining moments in two people’s lives, stress and anxiety can’t be far behind. Up until a few weeks ago, I felt that I had avoided most of the pre-wedding jitters. The length of our engagement meant that I got to plan everything at a slow pace, and Randy and I had an easy time making decisions. Both of our families had been supportive, and hadn’t made any of the planning difficult for us.

But right before my second bridal shower, I started to have a fluttery stomach, dry mouth, and cold hands. I was nervous and anxious, but I wasn’t sure why. I was able to relax a bit, and I definitely enjoyed myself, but the nerves never went away.

Erin and friends at her bachelorette party.

I’ve been to a lot of bridal showers in my life and had a great time at all of them. I know some people groan at the idea of a bridal or baby shower, but there’s something fun about the ritual of showering a friend or family member with love, support, and gifts. Nothing is more fun, though, than your own shower. I’ve been lucky enough to have three bridal showers: one with Randy’s family, one with my friends in DC (including my bachelorette party), and one with my family. All three of them have been so wonderful in their own way.

Randy’s mom, Bonnie, threw me my first shower in Ohio, Randy’s home state. The shower was elegant and sweet, but the message behind it was what was important to me: “Welcome to our family.” I had met most of the women at the shower less than two years ago, but you’d never know it by their generosity and warmth.

Last week, I had my first wedding-dress fitting. I made the appointment in January, and yes, I realize how crazy it is to make an appointment with a seamstress seven months in advance. But this wasn’t just any seamstress. This was Angie. Washington brides are as devoted to Angie as Lindsay Lohan is to her sunless tanner. When they speak of Angie, it’s in the type of hushed voice usually reserved for the inside of churches. Before last week, I hadn’t even met Angie, but if she had made countless women look amazing in their wedding dresses, I was on board. I was willing to leave work early and drive to Fairfax county—down windy and treacherous back roads—to reach Angie’s house. When she opened the door, she was cute, petite, and very nice. I was only slightly disappointed that she didn’t have a glowing halo over her head.

I was early, so I waited for Angie to finish with another bride before following her downstairs into her sewing studio. The walls were covered with thank-you notes and photos of grateful brides. I changed into my dress and we quickly got to work.

When a woman gets engaged, there are two questions she’s most likely to be asked. The first is “When’s the big day?” and the second is “Have you picked out a dress?” For several months after Randy and I got engaged, I wasn’t able to answer the second question. I wanted to shop for a dress, but I wanted to do it in a particular way. For one thing, I wanted my mom and sister to be with me. The next time we’d all be together would be Christmas, so I figured we could wait until December 26 or 27 and brave the bridal salons.

Unfortunately, I completely forgot how busy and chaotic the holidays always are. There was never a good time for the three of us to venture out, and my sister—who has two children and is expecting a third—was exhausted from all of the activity surrounding the holidays. So my mom promised me she’d make a trip to DC to go dress shopping with me. A few weeks later, that’s just what she did.

There’s a show on TLC that I can’t get enough of. It’s called Platinum Weddings, and it profiles couples who spend an insane amount of money on their weddings. These couples think nothing of shelling out $100,000 for flowers or $30,000 for a cake. I saw an episode where the bride had a $1,000 dress custom-made for her dog. My favorite, though, was the couple who ordered a pony to serve as their ring bearer.

The truth is that most of the items the wedding industry peddles are extras. Case in point: I just received an e-mail from a wedding Web site encouraging me to host a welcome party for my out-of-town guests in addition to the rehearsal dinner. “Don’t worry—nothing fancy!” the e-mail shouts, “Consider a festive riverboat cruise with a buffet dinner and cupcakes.” I think I should forward it to a Platinum Weddings couple because it clearly wasn’t intended for me.

Mmm . . . cake. It’s literally the sweetest part of a wedding celebration. The cake is a decoration, a ritual, and a dessert all in one sugary package. Shortly after our engagement last summer, the friends who introduced Randy and me threw us a party complete with a three-tiered congratulatory cake. It was the perfect opportunity to practice the wedding tradition of feeding each other the first bite of cake. As Randy aimed his fork for my mouth, his face looking just a little too happy, I gave him the look that brides have been giving grooms for decades, the one that says, “Don’t you dare smash that cake in my face.” Luckily for him, the cake ended up where it belonged, and the bite I fed him was equally well aimed. Let’s hope the same will be true on our wedding day.

Which brings me to the search for our wedding cake. I have a huge sweet tooth, so I knew the cake tasting would be my favorite part of wedding planning. As I did with most of my wedding research, I started by asking friends for recommendations. The unanimous suggestion was Margie, a baker who runs her company, Artistic Cake Creations, out of her home in West Virginia. Margie is famous among Washington brides because her cakes actually taste as good as they look. Aside from the quality of her baked goods, Margie’s popularity may be explained by her incredibly reasonable prices. In this area, wedding cakes can cost anywhere from $2 to $8 per slice, which is a substantial investment when you’re attempting to feed 200 people. Margie’s cakes are more in the $1.50-per-slice range, depending on the type of frosting and the amount of detail required. She does only one cake per weekend, though, so I had to move quickly. Even though my wedding is in October, I got in touch with Margie and set up a tasting date in January.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve pictured my wedding in a church. I’d walk down the aisle with the scent of flowers and incense filling the air, organ music swelling, sunlight streaming in through stained glass.

In reality, though, a Catholic church wedding requires a surprising amount of unromantic documentation and paperwork before you reach the smiling priest at the end of the aisle. You must complete a prenuptial questionnaire, provide the Church with recently annotated copies of your baptismal certificates, have four witnesses declare that you’re free to marry, and finally, complete a marriage-preparation program.

There was never any doubt in either Randy’s or my mind that we wanted to be married in the Catholic Church, but we were skeptical about the idea of taking a class to prepare. And which program should we choose? The Engaged Encounter, which seemed like sleepaway camp for adults, compressing the whole program into one weekend? Or a longer program that met for a couple of hours once a week? We decided on the six-week program at Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Georgetown, where we’re both members.