It’s becoming clear that the only thing more tedious than the 2000+ page healthcare bill is the sheer volume of our representatives’ tweets about it. To their merit however, the GOP congressmen on Twitter are livening things up by becoming increasingly inventive with their metaphors. This week alone we have the healthcare bill depicted as a giant monolithic structure; as “abominable works” passed under cover of darkness; and as a deliberate homage to Cold War-era communism. Gresham Barrett even states that our forefathers are weeping tears of sorrow somewhere over this scandalous piece of legislation. Sources tell us that despite the frosty weather, the air conditioning is still blasting away in the Longworth building this week- possibly to blow away all the rampant melodrama.

In other news, (and there isn’t much- nobody except Rick Perry seemed to even notice the tragedy at Fort Hood) Michele Bachmann is wearing a lei, John McCain is still still STILL obsessed with earmarks, Earl Blumenauer is taking nods from the Darrell Issa school of tweet humor (jokes your dad makes in front of all your friends), Virginia Foxx and John Shimkus are praying for a way out from all this rampant socialism and John Barrow is eating tacos. Jason Chaffetz is going to need his generous federal insurance plan if he keeps having Pop-Tarts for dinner. And there’s surely nothing more unnerving in the Twittersphere than Zach Wamp talking about “mojo.”

It’s been a year since the messiest law-firm breakup in recent history. Last November, Michael Hausfeld was, as he said at the time, “abruptly and unceremoniously” told—via a note left on his office chair—to leave his firm. The antitrust lawyer had been the top rainmaker at the DC plaintiffs firm Cohen, Milstein, Hausfeld & Toll (now Cohen, Milstein, Sellers & Toll) when his partners voted him out.

He didn’t go quietly. He started his own shop, Hausfeld LLP, taking about 20 other Cohen, Milstein lawyers with him, and hired Venable partner Stefan Tucker to look into a possible lawsuit.

In a town with some big egos, Hausfeld is known for having one of the biggest. In the words of one source who knows him, “People who have a reputation for being difficult to work with have that reputation for obvious reasons.”

Mike Prada’s blog was named Bullets Forever by mistake. He’d been blogging under the name Bullets Fever—a nod to the Nils Lofgren song that was recorded after the team won the 1978 championship—when sports site SB Nation approached him about joining its blog network. Prada accepted, and when asked what he wanted his URL to be, he said “Bullets Fever,” but they heard “Bullets Forever.” “It was probably a blessing in disguise,” says Prada. “I bet a lot of Wizards fans don’t know who Lofgren is, and besides, lots of people—including myself—wish the Bullets never changed their name.”

Prada, a 22-year-old Bethesda native, has been a Wizards fan all his life. He started going to games with his dad in the late 1990s and continued to follow the team during college at Brandeis University. He wrote about sports for his college newspaper but missed being able to talk to fellow Wizards fans about his hometown team. That’s when he decided to start a blog.

Prada says he writes for an audience of avid Wizards fans who know the game and the team inside and out. He opens a comment thread for every game and encourages fans to post thoughts and commentary as the game is being played. Prada was able to score press credentials this season, so he also does interviews and reports during games and practices. Readers can blog, too—a section called FanPosts allows anyone to post a link, picture, quote, or video.

We caught up with Prada to get his predictions for the 2009-2010 season, which got underway two weeks ago with a win against Dallas. There’s already a lot to debate—the team’s new coach, Flip Saunders, and Gilbert Arenas’s health, for starters—so read on for Prada’s answers. Then leave your thoughts on the team in the comments section below.

DLA Piper didn’t have a hole in its roster of top Republican lobbyists for long. Weeks after former House majority leader Dick Armey resigned, DLA welcomed former Florida senator Mel Martinez to its ranks. Martinez, who left the Senate in August, started at the firm on October 1.

You wouldn’t think Armey would be a popular guy around DLA, where he caused some heartburn for his colleagues. Armey resigned after his role as chairman of the conservative group FreedomWorks—which helped organize protests against health-care reform at town-hall meetings—entangled the firm and its clients in a mess of bad publicity.

But apparently his word still carries weight. While Martinez was looking for his next landing place, he says, Armey served as “a good recommendation for me” at DLA.

More>> Capital Comment Blog | News & Politics | Party Photos 

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What: Knock Out Abuse Against Women 16th anniversary fundraiser.

Where: Ritz-Carlton, Washington, DC.

When: Thursday, November 5.

Ticket price: $500.

Attire: Cocktail or “groovy ’60s attire.” Lots of women got into the spirit with sequined minidresses, psychedelic prints, headbands, and touches of tie-dye. More than one sported afro wigs, and several wore perfect bouffants that would have made Jackie O. jealous.

Who: The sold-out gala, created by DC events planner Andre Wells, hosted more than 750 Washington women. The more notable names in the crowd included Channel 9’s Andrea Roane, who played emcee for the evening; Knock Out founders Cheryl Masri and Jill Sorensen; actress and domestic-abuse survivor Robin Givens; socialite blogger Pamela Sorensen; and two of Bravo’s Real Housewives of DC, Mary Amons and Lynda Erkiletian. Among the handful of lucky men in attendance were fashionisto and founder of Evolution Look modeling Paul Wharton and hair guru Erwin Gomez. Hunk-of-beef Clinton Portis was scheduled to attend, but word around the party was that the Redskins star got sick and had to cancel.

Big week in Congress: Pelosi releases a healthcare bill for all to read, resulting in the usual grumbles about how long it is. To which we reply, would you rather have a bill one could scrawl on the back of a Big Mac wrapper? Luckily our representatives, brilliant, biting humorists that they are, are able to see the funny side.

In other news, Pete Hoekstra is on Huckabee, Joe Wilson is making friends in Europe (don’t tell him they’re all socialists over there), Cynthia Lummis is hanging out with someone named “Hoppy” and Bob Latta is abusing the caps lock key. And happily, many representatives gathered outside the Capitol Building at the end of the week to protest the healthcare bill, resulting in yet more bad jokes for the weekend.

It might have been Halloween, but there were few costumes and not much candy up on the Hill. Apart from John Shimkus, who’s been inexplicably playing the part of a preacher all week.

More than 150 Redskins fans gathered at Union Jack’s British Pub in Ballston on Tuesday night to meet two of the team’s most beloved icons—and one of its most beleaguered players. For $98, fans at ESPN 980’s “A Night of Quarterbacks” could down Sam Adams beer, nibble on meatballs and drunken chicken, and put questions to the evening’s guests of honor: Sonny Jurgensen, Joe Theismann, and Jason Campbell.

As fans lined up to pose with the three quarterbacks, Rick “Doc” Walker, tight end for the Redskins 1988 Super Bowl championship team, stood by the bar, biting an unlit cigar. Asked how much of the season’s woes can be put on the management, he replied, “Players win or lose games. This team hasn’t proven to be skillful enough to get the job done.”

Doc placed his stogie in the ashtray and looked us in the eye when asked about the fan fracas at Fed Ex Field, where stadium security have confiscated critical signs directed at the team’s owner, Dan Snyder, or its top executive, Vinny Cerrato. “I don’t like anything that is restrictive,” he said. “But as a player, if a fan says something that crosses the line, I’d like to kick his ass, so I understand why [management is] doing it. The sign of a good fan base is how you react to the bad times. Once you only start cheering for wins, you become a Cowboys fan.”