Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman  

This week we ask our daters: How do you know someone is just not that into you? What are the signals you try to send someone to tell them you’re not that into them?
 
Dana Neil: On the first few dates, I can tell he’s not into me if he doesn’t touch my hand or arm while we talk or if he doesn’t ask questions about me. Later on, I can tell when he doesn’t call much or if behaviors change and there doesn’t seem to be a reason why.
 
If I’m not into someone, then I try not to send signals. I like to be clear and honest with someone. I just think it’s so much easier for everyone. I know I’d rather hear it straight up than try to guess. It may be more difficult to do, but it’s the best way.

Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman   

Editor’s note: In an effort to protect the privacy of our diarists’ dates, our updates are on a slight time delay.


Forget the love-life drama of He’s Just Not That Into You—our daters are navigating the real-life romantic waters.

Dana Neil went on a second date with a man who responded to her Craigslist post about the economy, but it didn’t go well. “I told him I needed to swing by my house and check on my dog, who wasn’t feeling well, so I might be a few minutes late,” she says. “He said that was fine and he’d just wait for me at the bar. I was 15 minutes late, but when I got there he said he’d been there for more than an hour. He got drunk and started talking about his religious beliefs and questioning mine. I was on the defensive. I did get an apology e-mail the next day. I know he’s going through a really stressful time at work, but I don’t know. I was kind of looking forward to this guy. We really hit it off and then this happened. It was a let-down.” 

Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman   

Lucas Wall: I’m not sure there’s a natural point to address them. As I get to know somebody, I go through deal breakers in my head. If I discover somebody doesn’t match up, I red-flag that pretty quickly. Some things are behavior-based, such as smoking, and are evident quickly; others are harder to ascertain, such as whether he wants to have children, and require the right moment to address. You don’t want to ask somebody on the third date if he’s looking to have kids or not—that’s really deep too early. But at the same time, you want to clear all the deal breakers before you commit to a relationship, lest you learn of one after you’ve already entered the boyfriend stage.

My deal breakers are someone who wants to have children, goes to church, smokes or uses drugs, doesn’t like my cats and/or has a pet dog or bird, wants to live in the suburbs, and doesn’t like to travel.

 Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman    

You go to the Web site and fill out a profile. It’s minimal things such as age and race, but no pictures or anything. It asks about date locations and when you’d be available. A few days later, I got an e-mail that said there was a 57-year old man and that he was tall. I accepted the date. I had put Dupont and Kalorama as two of my locations, but they sent us to a place in Adams Morgan, so I had to take the Metro and a bus. I texted my date to let him know I was on my way but that I’d be late because of the train/bus thing. No reply. I texted him a few more times with no reply. I was worried I was being stood up. When I got to the bar, he wasn’t there. I ordered a drink and sat down. Finally, he showed up. He had driven in from Bethesda, and the messaging system wasn’t working. He didn’t get my messages and he couldn’t message me.

Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman    

Editor’s note: In an effort to protect the privacy of our diarists’ dates, our updates are on a slight time delay.

Neil Sedaka isn’t the only one crooning about how breaking up is hard to do. Some of our daters are singing the breakup blues as well.

As a Christmas present, Dana Neil gave Florida Guy concert tickets for New Year’s Eve. She was at his house, and unfortunately, the whole thing didn’t go well. “He said, ‘I’d love to see these guys with you, but I already have plans,’ ” she says. “I said, ‘Well, give ’em back,’ and told him I owed him another present. It was kind of awkward. We’ve never discussed a relationship and we’re not serious, but we’ve been seeing each other for three months. We didn’t talk about exclusivity, but we had gotten to the point where we were doing something every weekend. Maybe someone new and shiny came along.”

Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman   

Sally Colson Cline: “My best Valentine’s Day was in college. My mom sent me a pink-striped shirt that I still wear to this day. Also, any Valentine’s Day where I ate those little candy hearts ranks highly. I’ve never had a bad Valentine’s Day. People have bad Valentine’s Days when they have high expectations. I have no expectations. I don’t care about it very much.

“This is my first Valentine’s Day as a single woman, so I’m off the hook completely. There won’t be an 11th-hour grocery-store run to buy an obligatory wilted bouquet this year. Have pity for any girlfriends I might have in the future that put a lot of importance on Valentine’s Day, because I will sorely disappoint them.”

Meet our daters: Dana Neill | Sally Colson Cline | Michael Amesquita | Kate Searby | Max Schwartz | Lucas Wall | Jenn Heilman  

Each week, we check in with our Dating Diarists to see what’s happening in their lives when it comes to chemistry, romance, and maybe even love. This week, we asked a few of our daters to review The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating. What do they think, and would they follow any of the advice?

Dana Neil: “There’s a summary of the table of contents that’s three pages long, and the table of contents itself is 12 pages long. I thought, what have I gotten myself into? Some of the advice was really out there. If you’re on a first or second date and the conversation dies down a bit, the book suggests telling your date that you’re reading The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating and then asking him what he you thinks. That’s not happening. I’m not going to tell my date that I’m reading this. She suggests holding off on having sex and promoting intimacy by sitting on the floor opposite each other, putting your hand on the other person’s heart, and looking into each other’s eyes. She does have some good confidence builders, and she talks about how when you show confidence, you’re prettier. If someone is really shy or just getting into the dating scene, hearing that advice might be good. But overall, I think it’s a book for somebody a lot younger and new to the dating scene.”

On a scale of one to ten, Dana ranks the book a five: “It’s not the greatest, but it’s not the worst.”