Because It’s Friday: A Random Sampling of Quotes From the Late Night Shots Threads

On the popular DC website, commenters are discussing everything from the Olympics to how to get out of grand jury duty.

By: Carol Ross Joynt

Late Night Shots.

The world’s attention is focused on London and the Olympics, Congress has left town to campaign for reelection, the President is doing pretty much the same, local governments are in legislative slo-mo, and, well, there’s the call of the beach, or the mountains, or the backyard. So what do we do to find fodder on a Friday afternoon in August? We surf the Web, particularly our favorite Washington-based websites, including Late Night Shots.

While founded as a forum for after-party, wee-hour post-mortems, LNS has evolved over the years into a clearinghouse of questions and answers, revelations and rants of the city’s upwardly mobile twenty- and thirtysomethings. Haters call it out for being sexist, racist, ageist, xenophobic, homophobic, and aggressively conservative. As with anything anonymous on the Web, it does contain some of that. But it’s capable of humor—does anyone take this stuff seriously?—and pop culture timeliness. At its best it, like Craigslist (for which we also do thread roundups), it is an engaging and telling window into the inner life of people who join websites where they can talk about whatever they want.

Herewith, a random selection of threads from Late Night Shots this Friday, August 3. [Ed. note: Posts appear with original spelling, punctuation, and capitalization.]

Topic: The Olympics

“Seriously, who wants to watch a bunch of 5 foot men do backflips or prepubescent girls jump off bars. The basketball games are blowouts and everything else is euro trash sports. I get into it, it’s tailored to a European socialistic base.”

“tried really really really hard to like them over the weekend to get into the archery which I actually liked, but it’s just too blah for me. There are no Russians or East Germans to get worked up about anymore and I can’t really consider the Chinese a real competitor since these guys basically know if they lose they’re getting sent to some gulag . . .”

“why cant Iran or Korea be good at anything so we stomp them through sports instead of having Israel be our attack dog?”

Topic: Gabby Douglas

“Is it just me, or does she look like Michelle Obama’s mini me?”

“I think she is the most adorable little thing.”

“Let’s face it, shes getting a lot of love because she’s black. Nastia Lukin was amazing and she didn’t get a ton of endorsement deals.”

“It’s absolutely not because she’s black. Nastia Liukin didn’t win a team gold medal AND an individual all around gold medal—Gabby was the first American to do that . . . and she was the only one of the 5 gymnasts to compete in all 4 events in the team competition. Liukin only performed in 3 events for her team in 2008.”

Topic: Jenny McCarthy Shows Beer-Drinking Chubby Scene Girls That You Can Still Look Smoke at 40

“I should cut out the blue moons on Wednesdays, Jenny looks great and I think all of us scene girls really need to tone back how much beer we drink.”

“my hips are getting a little big and there’s a bit of pudge coming out the top of my jeans. I can’t give up beer or my Tuesday nights at Martins...what can I do? I want to be skinny again”

“Lots of Gtown girls use photoshop and they look nothing like Jenny. Either they can’t photoshop the fat away, or they are terrible with photoshop?”

“What do girls use photo shop on? Can you actually make your weight look different? What’s the point if you’ll just look thin in the picture but still bigger in real life?”

“Similar to how guys put a pair of socks down their pants before hitting the SPDC. Sure, the truth will be revealed later but, at that point, it’s to late.”

Topic: Roommate Needed

“Room available in a 3 bedroom house. Shaw/logan/ u street. 2 blocks from metro. Close to bars, restaurants, whole foods etc. Sept 1 move in. 850 month. Please let me know if you are interested or know of anyone who might be. 8th and P NW. thanks”

“Are you a guy or girl?”

“We’re also considering women to move in, provided you’re sufficiently normal.”

Topic: LivingSocial Fires a Dozen From Management Team

“Ever since Eddie decided to leave it’s been clear LivingSocial is a sinking ship.”

“Are you plain stupid? The hype of daily deals may be gone, but the revenue is not. Groupon’s earning come out in a few weeks—I think you’ll be impressed.”

“Living Social is like Jones Town. Cultish and ‘fun’ lifestyle, all on board to drink the Kool-Aid, and its going to be a massacre.”

“It all comes down to Groupon’s valuation and Livingsocial’s relative size. If groupon is valued at $6 bn then LS is worth $1.5-$2 bn. If Groupon is worth $10 bn, then LS is worth $3-$4 bn. Just watch groupon’s stock after they release their next earnings.”

“I hope you don’t work in finance.”

Topic: The Difference in Mentality Between Older Guys and Younger Guys

“Can someone please explain their different approaches at bars as far as going after girls. A lot of the older guys really confuse me.”

“Money and yachts vs. frat swag and hair.”

“Hey, older guy here—can you explain what has been confusing you?”

“how old are you and what are your thoughts”

“Difference is we have careers, larger bank accounts, and don’t understand the word credit card like most young frat stars. I’m not hating because I once was one of those guys but after somehow pulling off promotions you start to enjoy life a little more than a George hangover on Friday. But let’s be honest it’s acceptable to go to George but lets face it not every weekend . . .”

“If we are worth anything, we already have social status. You just need to be hot, able to carry on a conversation with strangers and look like you are enjoying it, and not be crazy.”

“define ‘crazy’”

Topic: Good Dog Names

“I’m debating getting a puppy and I was curious if anyone had good suggestions for dog names. I’m a guy and and I’m not 100% positive on getting a boy or girl pup . . . since obviously a cool name makes or breaks the dog, I wondered if anyone had advice.”

“Short, preferably one syllable for yelling across a park.”

“I don’t particularly like it when people name their dogs after their favorite beer/wine/liquor. It just comes off as pretty juvenile, lame, or bro-y.”

“I’ve often thought Homer would be a good name if I ever get another lab.”

“I met a strange looking mutt years ago, he looked like a mix of border collie, lab, and corgi. He had shortish, stumpy legs similar to a corgi and his name was lowboy.”

“Mono-syllabic dog names are the best. It just makes sense when you need to be direct with a dog.”

Topic: Question Re: Voter/Party Registration

“I was in school, in Virginia, for the last presidential election. Young, dumb and full of dope, I voted for Obama. Does this mean I am a registered democrat? I would like to be a registered republican—how do I do this?”

“voting for a party does not make you part of that party. Only if you register for that party do you become part of it. Please do us all a favor and dont vote at all this year.”

“Please stay in DC and cast an inconsequential vote for Romney.”

Topic: What Is a Lethal Dose of Oxycodone for an Average Male?

“My boyfriend at the time gave me probably a line of 20mg. Didn’t feel anything right away, so he probably gave me another 10-15, knowing it was going to knock me on my ass. I was vomiting all night, but also felt like Gumby. I also lost a lot of my sense of hearing while I was on it.”

“Oxycodone is the official name for Percocet. It’s possible but you would have to try hard to kill yourself with Percocet. Oxycontin is straight heroin. Very easy to accidentally OD w oxy.”

“You certainly are [an] amateur. Almost none of that post is correct.”

Topic: Chick-fil-A

“Can someone please explain to me why Democratic politicians are attempting to sabotage a business due to the owner expressing a view on gay marriage shared by 50% of Americans?”

“My issue isn’t that the owner has a different view than I do, or even that he expressed it. I have two issues: 1) He uses the money he gains through his customers (incl me) purchasing his product to fund groups that pursue actions (preventing marriage equality) that I find abhorrent. 2) The way in which he expressed his opinion—that those who support marriage equality are ‘prideful’ and ‘arrogant.’ I don’t wish to support a business who’s owner has such disdain for a large portion of his customers.”

“If you don’t like it, eat it or don’t eat it. Just don’t clog up my life complaining about it.”

“we hear the right putting down gays, but they were conspicuously silent on the catholic preacher thing”

“Did they feel the need to make an announcement on their beliefs. Just sell your chicken without preaching to the rest of us about your morals.”

“I don’t give a s*** if the Chick-fil-A president said he and his god specifically hated me and all I stood for, I’m still eating that chicken.”

Topic: Grand Jury Duty

“Anyone have any tips for getting out of this. This would kill me and my job. I’d rather take the 7 days in prison or $300 fine.”

“Grand jury duty will kill your job, but a week in jail wouldn’t? Are you a drug dealer?”

“I was asked to do it when I was 18 and I wrote back saying I was a racist. Never gotten anything back since. I’m not actually a racist, I just didn’t want to ever have to deal with going to court.”

“There’s no way out of it—they don’t care about your job and they don’t ask any questions to find out if you’re crazy. Your only chance is if they have more people than they need. You’ll know because, toward the end of the process, they’ll ask for volunteers but they’ll refuse to tell you what you’re volunteering for. In the name of all that is holy, hurl yourself to the front of the room and volunteer. The volunteers get out of it.”