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The woman who wrote last week about her husband’s suspicious golf trip has some concerns with the friend who told her about it. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

Last week you answered my question about photos of my husband's golf trip that show him with another lady often by his side. My friend alerted me that they had been posted on Facebook. Now my question is about the friend who clued me into the pictures and keeps asking if I have checked them out. She calls me each day to ask if I have discussed the boys' getaway week with my husband.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with the friend who did clue me into the pictures (which I'm grateful for), but is now showing too much interest?

Worried Webmistress

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Posted at 11:30 AM/ET, 03/26/2012 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team tackles the trust issues that can arise from posting private pictures online. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

My husband took a golfing trip with his buddies last week. It's an annual trip they have been taking for a few years, balanced by a trip I take with my girlfriends for a week or so. All good, so far.

My husband doesn't do much social media--no Facebook, no Twitter. I am not a creature of the Web, yet I do have a Facebook page. The night before my husband returned, one of my friends e-mailed me and said I should check out her husband's Facebook page. She said there were some "interesting" pictures from the golf trip. Sure enough, his Facebook had dozens of pictures from the trip. Many were of the guys laughing in golf carts and shrugging in sand traps. But there were more than a few of the boys carousing in bars. What was "interesting" to my friend--and to me, unfortunately--is that my husband seemed to have one woman by his side in every picture. She was cute and perky, a bit of a ginger--in other words, just his type. She looked just like his ex-wife. In all the pictures, the bars were different, the crowd changed, but this woman was always by my husband's side.

What do I do? I'm scared of talking to him about it but too anxious to keep it to myself. We are at a wonderful point in our marriage, or so I thought. We have been together for five years and have started to talk about having a baby.

Please help.

Worried Webmistress

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Posted at 11:00 AM/ET, 03/22/2012 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a man wondering if a friend’s exes are off-limits as friend material. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise

I’m a guy in my mid-thirties, and one of my best friends is a beautiful woman who is the same age. We have never dated; there really is no sexual tension, and I have a steady girlfriend that I’m crazy about. My friend dates all the time, quickly going through men and often breaking them down and leaving them in a puddle. I wish she would sometimes talk to me about these men, but she prefers to have those personal discussions with her girlfriends.

Here’s the problem: I’ve really liked some of these guys she has dated. We get along great, can talk sports, share confidences, laugh, and generally have a great time.

What can I do to maintain a friendship with the guys after they have been dropped by my friend? Why should they be off-limits just because we met through her?

Frustrated Friend

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Posted at 10:23 AM/ET, 02/27/2012 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a woman who’s concerned her friend is throwing her life away over the wrong man. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

One of my very best and oldest friends—let’s call her Sarah—has essentially put her entire life on hold for a guy who is a total jerk—let’s call him Ben. Sarah and Ben began dating several years ago. All of Sarah’s closest friends, me included, immediately worried about her involvement with Ben. He was always rude to us and, more important, was not thoughtful or respectful toward her. He would show up sloppy drunk to group outings, pick fights in public, etc. After one particularly offensive incident, I spoke with Sarah about my concerns, and she stopped speaking to me for nearly a year.

Fast-forward to now. Ben dumped Sarah three years ago, but she still refuses to move on. She has not dated anyone since Ben. She is clearly depressed. She spends money to feel better, to the point that she’s racked up considerable credit card debt. Ben recently moved in with another woman, and word is the new girlfriend is pregnant. This still doesn’t seem to deter Sarah, who still openly expresses her desire to get back with Ben. It didn’t help that until Ben moved in with this other woman, he would “booty call” Sarah whenever it was convenient for him. She would drop whatever she was doing to be with him, and, of course, Ben would go back to ignoring her the next morning. This has been really disturbing to watch, but I’ve held my tongue since she cut me off the last time I expressed concern. Another friend suggested to Sarah that she talk to a therapist, to which she responded that therapy is only for crazy people.

My friends and I are at a total loss. We don’t feel like we can sit by and watch Sarah throw her life away over this loser, but every time we’ve tried to weigh in, she’s been unreceptive and defensive. Help!

A Fed-Up Friend

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Posted at 10:41 AM/ET, 02/06/2012 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a man wondering whether to try to reconnect with friends from a former phase in life. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

I was a bit of a wild man for a good part of my life, into drinking, carousing, “pugilism,” etc. I never held much stock in obeying society’s rules and didn’t care for others’ opinions of me, whether positive or negative. I’ve been through some major changes over the past few years, and that way of life is over for me. With those changes, many people who were thought to be friends have been discarded. In most instances, that has been a positive force in my life, but there are people from my past, some of whom I haven’t had contact with in years, with whom I would like to reestablish contact. I’m not talking about rekindling old flames, I’m referring to letting the worthwhile people from my past get to know me and see the changes in me, and not having to leave behind everyone from my past.

I’m not sure which way to go. There are times when I think I should just walk away and never look back; there are others when I think that is cowardly, and I’m no coward. I have no desire to be judged, and I’ve had my share of detractors in the past.

Which way to jump?

A (Mostly) New Man

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Posted at 02:49 PM/ET, 01/03/2012 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a man dating a woman 14 years his junior on whether to take the relationship to the next level. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. She is absolutely beautiful, our sex life is fantastic, and I enjoy spending time with her. But I'm concerned about our difference in age. I'm 37, and she's 23. We met at a bar when she was a senior in college. It took us a few months before we had our first date (she was getting out of a relationship), and I was having fun playing the field. So much time had passed between our first meeting that my expectations were pretty low. Nonetheless, we hit it off. Let me say it again: She is gorgeous, and frankly the best-looking woman I've been with. I like our relationship the way it is now, but I'm contemplating marriage and kids, and am worried that she may be too young. We've talked about our "future" together, and she says she could envision herself with me for the rest of her life. Am I crazy for worrying that while she says this, she may at some point realize she wants to experience life and date other men before settling down?

Along the same lines, she is mature beyond her years, like most women, and gets along with my family and friends. But because she's much younger, I feel she doesn't always have as much in common with me and with them, and sometimes I'm worried I want someone who has more life experience, so to speak.

While it may sound trite, I just don't want to waste my time or hers. Am I blowing this age issue out of proportion?

Old And In the Way

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Posted at 01:07 PM/ET, 12/23/2011 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a woman considering becoming a single parent. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

I envision my life with kids. At 36, my biological clock is blinking wildly, much like an alarm clock when it needs to be set. I’ve recently found out about a physical limitation that makes getting pregnant difficult. But I do have options! One is simply harvesting and freezing my eggs, and the other is going all the way and making embryos with donor sperm. Do I wait for the love of my life to finally get it together, sweep me off my feet, and have babies with me? Or should I be more aggressive—opt for storing embryos and select nameless, faceless sperm from a sperm bank, or coerce a friend into giving up the goods?

What’s a girl to do?


Tick-Tock Tamara

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Posted at 11:07 AM/ET, 12/19/2011 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team share their thoughts on the little rituals that help build the foundation for a marriage. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

Early in my marriage, it became clear that I was more of the morning person than my wife; I often got up before she did. She liked to start the day with a cup of tea. So without any planning or forethought, I started bringing her a cup of tea when it was time for her to get up to go to work.

Sometimes the previous day we’d have had a little fight, and we’d have gone to sleep without resolving it. But every morning for as long as I can remember, I'd bring her a cup of tea and give her a kiss. That seems to help us forget the previous day and start the new day with something that says, “I love you.”

What are some ways couples can build little rituals into a relationship that will keep communication open and remind them that they love each another?

Silent Spouse

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Posted at 04:04 PM/ET, 12/15/2011 | Permalink | Comments ()
Our husband-and-wife team advises a mother wondering when to stand her ground and when to give in to her child’s requests. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

My son is about to turn 11, and up until now, he has been pretty receptive about doing all of the activities I have “suggested.” One of them is swim club, which he has done for the past three years. He gets a very good workout twice a week and leaves happy, and I observe him having fun while swimming . He’s not very interested in sports, does not participate in any other athletic activity, and I know he needs this workout for all the obvious mental and physical health benefits. In the past year, he has started complaining about swimming and does not want to go, yet he finishes swimming in a good mood, and I can see the benefits of the exercise regime in his overall well-being.

Recently, he has asked me, “When do I get to start making my own decisions?” One of his main sticking points is swimming. I have told him he has to do swim club until eighth grade (he’s in fourth grade); my rationale is that after eighth grade he will be in a school that has a better after-school sports program. At his current school, athletics are very weak—PE is just once a week. It hasn’t turned into a huge battle yet, and he still goes to swim club without too much of a fuss, but he complains almost every time.

Do I hold the line and keep him in swimming until eighth grade? My gut instinct is yes—he needs the exercise and will not get it otherwise (I don’t see possibilities for another sport for him within our community). Or do I need to let him make his own choice about this?

Indecisive Mother

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Posted at 10:57 AM/ET, 12/15/2011 | Permalink | Comments ()
One reader asks how polite—or impolite—she needs to be to her brother’s former fiancée. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

I need advice on what could be an awkward and uncomfortable situation. I am going to a friend’s wedding in a few weeks, and she has recently reconnected with an old high school friend of hers, who will also be at the wedding. Here’s where it gets interesting. I was almost the maid of honor to this old high school friend. She was engaged to my brother, but she had an affair and ended the engagement. I haven’t seen her in four years, and I’m not sure how friendly—or unfriendly—to act.

Brother’s Keeper

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Posted at 10:56 AM/ET, 12/08/2011 | Permalink | Comments ()