Overlooked: Best Missed Connections of the Week

I am pretty sure it was the guy sitting in front of us who farted–m4w–30 (MD)
Date: 2010-05-06, 5:22PM EDT

Redline to Shady Grove around 5:30PM on 4/5/2010. You were wearing a yellow sundress with bright floral explosions all over it. Your dress spoke of youthful whimsy and appreciation of the bygone era of knee length modesty. You were a light skinned cute brunette, and by far better looking than 99% of creatures who sit next to me on the metro. You got off at Tenleytown.

Me- I was the drowsy looking fellow around 30 year old, with the Tom Robbins book in his hand, who kept closing his eyes and then jerking awake as if he just missed his stop. I had a dark hairline marked by diminishing returns, and still do to this day, but otherwise was pretty handsome and professionally dressed.

And then the smell hit. It was a nasty odor, reminiscent of an accurate Renaissance fair, which might mean nothing to you, as you don’t seem to be the kind to attend renaissance fair (neither am I). Either way, I could feel that you were startled, and I must admit so was I. Supersensitive about my surroundings, and about general courtesy towards others, I was dismayed, and deeply insulted. However, looking around, I realized that the smell could have come from either you, or I, or the dude sitting in front of us. Seeing that the dude sitting in front of us was wearing a sharp Armani suit, I can see how you could perceive me to be the source of the unfortunate flatulence, but refinement in clothes does not always mean refinement in manners. I assure you, even though I wear a simple set of slacks and shirt, I would never subject others to such inconvenience, especially a beautiful flower as yourself. Thus, unless it was you, I am pretty sure it was the guy sitting in front of us who farted. This being said, you want to go out sometime?

It’s true: Money can’t buy you class, money can’t buy you class. Elegance is learned . . .

Ok Go–m4m (930)
Date: 2010-05-06, 12:55AM EDT

At the end of the Ok Go show, you were sort of up in my business. I really didn’t think anything of it until you handed me a piece of confetti, which I placed in my shirt pocket. Then you were gone. I looked for you afterward but was unable to find you. You were shorter than me and adorable. Tell me what color shirt I was wearing or, if you’re colorblind like me, what color shirt you think I was wearing (years of experience has tipped me off to what colors I confuse). I’d be happy to hang with anyone who had as much fun at that show as I did.

Short, adorable, and in possession of confetti. . . . We found shim!

Is it Rachael or Rachel?–m4w–30 (Hobans–Dupont Circle)
Date: 2010-05-05, 4:32PM EDT

You–short, petite brunette with killer haircut in some
ultra-hipster, two-sizes too small t-shirt with cleavage hanging out. You had
twelve guiness’s and were showing your hoo-ha.

Me–Tall, hipster-db with crazy facial hair, staring at you like
wolf stalking a goat. I think you would make a great best friend after
our relationship fizzles. Will you go shopping with me?

Why wouldn’t she, db—that’s short for douchebag, right—go shopping with you? You’ve only splashed her hoo-ha-ing antics all over the Internet.

Hello, Ms. Blair–m4w–41 (Kensington, MD)
Date: 2010-05-05, 8:36PM EDT

I saw you again today at your place of business, and I’m wondering if you’d let me buy you a glass of your favorite beverage. Please let me know.

P.S. You saw me wearing my blue baseball cap today. . .

Who are you supposed to be, Dorota?

Thank You: From the girl passed out on the sidewalk–w4m (Cleveland Park Bar and Grill)
Date: 2010-05-03, 9:11PM EDT

One minute we’re chatting about the San Antionio Spurs, my peach nail polish, and life, the next minute I’m unconscious on the sidewalk outside. You made sure I got help, and you made sure I got home safe.

I wish I could give you a proper thank you. You have my gratitude.

Kindness was also received from the bartender, a random woman who was a doctor, and a random man who hailed a taxi. To you, also thanks.

Ladies and gays, always remember the cardinal rule: (no, not always moisturize—though that’s critical, too) check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Chocolate Lady w/dreadlocks at MOSAIC Apts.–m4w–27 (Hyattsville)
Date: 2010-05-05, 7:13PM EDT

I saw you a month ago. . . . I was next to the pickup truck in the parking garage at the apartment complex. I am a black male with dreadlocks.

You were walking with your girlfriend and she said hello to me. I couldnt help, but be memorized by your beauty with your long dreadlocks, amazing body and ebony skin. I just froze like a statue! I know that was wack.

I know its a long shot that you will ever read this, but I am putting it out to the universe.

Hope to hear from you soooooooon!!!!!!!!!!

Memorized, mesmerized, tomato, tomahto. The point is he wants you!

Yngish, black short hair, plaid shirt–m4m–58 (Near Natl Press Club)
Date: 2010-05-04, 1:53PM EDT

You always give me the nicest smile as though we know each other, which I don’t think we do. Are you just a sweet, good-looking guy or is there some vibe? i’m usually about older guys but, well. . . .

We do know each other, grandpa! Now please stop trolling Craigslist, okay? That’s our job.

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Alejandro Salinas