Missed Connections: Thieves and Toddlers Edition

They say Washington is getting safer every year, but you’d never know it by reading this week’s batch of Missed Connections. Arugula abductors and abusive girlfriends run wild, making us a little nervous about our next trip to the grocery store. But not everyone’s behaving badly—we also have a not-too-bright houseguest and some long-lost preschool romance.

I feel bad that there is a warrant for your arrest – m4w – 27 (Nova)
Date: 2010-10-19, 9:02PM EDT

I really do…but you left me no choice! I mean shit look at from my point of view you hit me scratch me bite and punch me over and over again. We have a mutual falling out and you press charges on me…REALLY. You had just sent me an email saying you had never met anyone that had your best interest at heart at all times and I did and I still do. Seriously! How many times did you hit me..you almost broke my collarbone once…slapped on like 5 occasions..not to mention your straight up attack that one night. You should talk to me…this can be worked out for something better. We can never be together of course but it doesn’t have to go down the road its going either.

This is one of those posts that belong in a psychiatrist’s notebook, not in an online personal ad.

You stole my heart, and a Whole Foods salad – m4m – 25 (P St Whole Foods)
Date: 2010-10-16, 9:50PM EDT

At around 8:30 tonight we parked our bikes next to each other and you remarked how tall mine was (I’m 6’6”). You were very cute and scruffy. Later as I was in the checkout line I noticed you bypass the checkout lanes and race out the door with a handful of stuff from the prepared foods section under your arm. As I exited the store you waved cheekily at me and binged your bell as you biked off into the night. Clearly you are a true urban Robin Hood for our times. So let’s grab vegan lunch sometime. I’ll pay! 😉

As far as I can tell, he stole that organic, locally grown grub for himself. Robin Hood would never be so selfish. Or so high-maintenance.

Dinner at your house tonight – m4m (Rockville area)
Date: 2010-10-17, 11:40PM EDT

Hey…….was a guest at your house for dinner tonight. Met your family. Had a great time and we seem to have alot in common, Didn’t know how to exchange contact info. If you see this…….tell me what your shirt said tonight…….. Was hoping you would drive me to the train (remember me asking you if you drove?) I think you will get who you are! Hit me up! 🙂

If you were invited to the home for dinner, isn’t there a much easier way of getting ahold of this guy?

Its been 14 or 15 years… – w4m – 20 (Annandale, NOVA)
Date: 2010-10-17, 8:14PM EDT

We went to Annandale United Methodist Church Pre-School together.
I barely remember anything about you but you are the only thing I remember from that place.
I do not want to seem creepy but for some reason you randomly pop into my head a lot.
Your name is Ian. We were friends (I’m pretty sure you were my best friend from that place.)

If you went to that pre-school at that time and your name is Ian, hit me up and we can talk about whatever.
Put “Lion King” in the subject line so i know the email isn’t spam.

We’re usually cynical about this stuff, but we’d like to see this one work out.

Subscribe to Washingtonian
Follow Washingtonian on Twitter 

More>> Capital Comment Blog | News & Politics | Party Photos

Mollie Reilly