Overlooked: Best Missed Connections of the Week

Your laptop was stolen on the plane coming back from California–m4w–33 (Pentagon City)
Date: 2010-04-12, 11:45AM EDT

I know its probably to late and you wont read this post but I think you had asked me for my number but I declined. I was a dumb ass to pass up, ohh well.

We can think of five others reasons why you, 33 from Pentagon City, are in fact a dumbass: (1) “its,” (2) “to,” (3) “wont,” (4) “ohh,” and, of course, (5)”dumb ass.”
 

RED LINE TO CHINATOWN–w4m–20 (REDLINE METRO)
Date: 2010-04-12, 8:21PM EDT

You were waiting at the stop for the red line to Chinatown, with your track suit on and listening to some techno music, i so wanted to come up to you and pretend like i liked what you were into or that i was so into trance too, but i didn’t know what to say. got on the metro and was so about to do it, so about to say something, i thought if he gets off at chinatown then i WILL say hi or something, i don’t know! oh gosh and then you walked away and my heart was like nooo why’d you let him get awayyyyyy ugh, well if you are out there reading this, i hope you send a note my way, what would be the odds huh?

Aww, sweetie. This one’s not buying what you’re selling, if you catch our drift—and chances are you don’t, since you didn’t immediately recognize the red flags. Techno and a track suit? A gay obsessed with Sue Sylvester from Glee, obviously.

Red Speedo Columbia Heights WSC–m4m–24 (Columbia Heights)
Date: 2010-04-13, 11:38PM EDT

you were wearing a red speedo when you came in the sauna, we exchanged a lot of looks but there were other people around. i had brown hair and blue eyes. let me know if you might be interested in hanging out sometime

Words that should never ever be uttered together in a sentence: “red” and “speedo.” We’re now blind from just imagining the sight. Thanks a lot, 24 from Columbia Heights.
 

The American Cafe today 12:15pm, Herndon–m4w–32 (Herndon, Worldgate)
Date: 2010-04-15, 1:38PM EDT

You were eating lunch outside at The American Cafe, in the Worldgate shopping center in Herndon. You are gorgeous, sexy, and hot as hell. You looked over at me as I was about to walk in the shopping center (I had a gym bag, I was on my way into the gym), we caught eyes for about 1.5 seconds. I smiled, we locked eyes, but you were busy- looked like a lunch meeting with a fat guy in a suit, and another woman. I assume you are in sales, if not, you should be and I would like to hire you to be my partner. You had enormous breasts which were sitting pretty and perky in the full sunshine. I think I actually said “oowee damn” outloud. You certainly made that fatasses day who you were eating with. As if I wasn’t horny enough in general before I saw you:-)

Anyway, you had me at first sight.

We were all “aww” until we got to “enourmous breasts”; “eww” at “perky in the full sunshine”; and you lost us at “oowee damn.”

Scarlett queen from the iron horse last night. with the drumstick.–m4w–26 (iron horse. china town)
Date: 2010-04-14, 4:07AM EDT

Hi, My name is nick. Youd remember me if you met me. Id bet my bricks on that. So this goes out the to the lady with the scarlett hair, the killer body and a lust for defending tattoos from the judgementing eyes of the anyone else. Id kill every angel in heaven to make sure your the last one on earth. you know where i am all the time. Maybe you should come back.

Sheeeeepeople.

We’re trying not to let our “judgementing” selves get the best of us, but nick is giving us the wiggins, and after seeing the picture accompanying this post, we bet our bricks you’ll agree with us when we say: “run for your life, tattoo-lusting scarlett haired queen!”

“Foucault is overrated”–w4m (Columbia Heights)
Date: 2010-04-15, 3:13AM EDT

Note to the four gentlemen on the condo rooftop in Columbia Heights at 3AM: My housemate and I really enjoyed spying on you and eavesdropping for the better part of 15 minutes last night. Come over and drink with us sometime, or invite us to your next rooftop gathering. We can talk GIS, postmodernism, feminist theory, and shouting through cones. <3

We don’t want to point fingers, but if it sounds like a douche and looks like a douche then it probably is a douche. Whatever happened to just doing this when drunk? Sidenote: Of course this kind of conversation would happen in Columbia Heights.

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Alejandro Salinas