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Dating Diaries Roundtable: How Many Dates Until Sex?

 This week, we asked our daters: How many dates do you go on before considering having sex with somebody?

Lucas Wall: I try to adhere to the three-date rule, meaning no sexual activity on the first three get-togethers. I like to have a few real dates before things get physical. Things tend to move especially rapidly in the gay community. I want to get to know somebody a little bit and gauge his long-term potential before jumping into bed. I also want to see that he’s interested in me as a whole person, not just in unzipping my pants. If someone is serious about dating as opposed to hooking up, I don’t think waiting three dates is unreasonable. And it’s fun to build up to that moment with somebody you like as opposed to going straight for the score at the end of the first date.

Dana Neil: Considering sex or actually having sex? You probably know fairly quickly if there’s a physical attraction or spark. Then I think it’s all personal and there isn’t a defined time period. I’d determine if I think this could be a potential long-term relationship.




Michael Amesquita: She’d have to wait until we get married to have sex. That’s part of my standards.






Sally Colson Cline: If the physical attraction is strong, the first date will do just fine.





Jenn Heilman: Everyone regards sex differently, although I don’t think it’s something that should be taken lightly. However, I also don’t think there’s a set number of dates or length of time anyone can set when deciding whether or not to have sex with someone. It depends on the people involved, their ability to communicate openly, and the amount of chemistry they have for one another. Every relationship develops at a different pace, so when people reach this point in their relationship would also naturally be different. I think it’s just a feeling you’ll have, and you’ll know it’s right when it’s right.

Max Schwartz: I’m not sure that time or a number of dates is always the best way to come up with a schedule for these things. If we’re talking about dating and not something more casual, it’s the nonphysical intimacy, how comfortable you feel with someone, that defines it. I think it’s possible to have sex early—even on a first date—and still have a perfectly successful relationship. I think it’s also possible to go a long time without sex and be just as successful. Of course, after a period, if you still aren’t having sex or hooking up, then you really aren’t dating. You’re just really close friends.

Kate Searby: I’m old fashioned. I’d never even consider sleeping with a guy unless I was in love with him and we were in a committed, monogamous relationship.

What do you say, Dating Diaries readers? How long do you wait before hopping into the sack with somebody you’re seeing? Let us know in the comments.

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  • Alex

    I see no point in waiting for sex. It's an important component in the relationship and I want to know if that's an area we'll be compatible in. So let the fun begin!

  • The exceptionally precise and apt comments given for the perfect first date. I had always been worried about the one spark effect on the date for a lasting impression. I surely gained much confidence after reading the post.

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