University of Virginia hopefuls, take notice: If you want to keep up as a Cavalier, you might have to take part in a few “extracurriculars” you probably shouldn’t list on your application. According to Playboy’s annual list of the top ten party schools in the country, UVA is number one.

The survey ranks schools according to their success in important things like sports, nightlife, and sex—rather than, say, academics (which UVA is also good at).

The Cavaliers finished a sad 16th in sports, which shouldn’t be much of a surprise to students and alumni. Every year when the football team play arch nemesis Virginia Tech, it’s like they couldn’t find the endzone with a compass, map, GPS, and someone pointing them in the right direction. Telling the Hokies your school has better academics is, well, lame. But telling them Playboy says you have the best parties while Tech isn’t even in the top ten? That’s something to brag about.

The Cavs make up for their dismal sports ranking by finishing number three in nightlife and number two in the bedroom. Chalk that up to a “work hard, play hard kind of environment,” as UVA class of 2014 member Kaz Komolafe told Playboy. Charlottesville may not be LA, where second-place University of Southern California is located, but it has more than its fair share of bands and beer.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is the SUNY College of Environmental Science of Forestry, which earned the dubious honor of “worst overall party school.” But hey, someone’s gotta save the trees.