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Can I Make Up the Story of How We Met? Ask Harry and Louise
Our advice team counsels a woman who met her fiancé online … and doesn’t want people to know. By Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe
Comments () | Published February 16, 2012

Dear Harry and Louise:

I met my fiancé on eHarmony. We’ve been dating for a year, are very much in love, and both feel lucky that we are together. We are in the midst of planning a terrific garden wedding in the fall. The planning can be stressful, but we always figure out a way to compromise. There’s just one thing we absolutely cannot agree on: I am embarrassed about the way we met and want to create a sweeter story about how it happened. Not a total lie, mind you. We first saw each other at a great Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I just want to say we were both there waiting at the bar for our friends. We started talking, and he asked me out. We then shared glances while were eating at our separate tables. Isn’t that a romantic beginning of a relationship? This is important to me, and I think my fiancé should back me up on this story. I hate the idea that our relatives, friends, and future children will hear that we met online.

Memory Maker

• • •


Lies are bad; family lies can be corrosive. Don’t begin your marriage by twisting the truth. You will wind up telling the real facts to someone, or you will slip at some point; you will forget who knows which story. It’s messy, confusing, and unnecessary. Keep it simple and truthful, especially as you begin your lives together. Your friends and family will be more interested in how you love, not how you met.

• • •


I don’t think it matters at all how you met, only that you did meet and are now so happy. But how you met is important to you, so let’s see if there is a way to deal with people’s inevitable curiosity. For instance: “We began writing to each other and decided to meet at an Italian restaurant.” Or: “We enjoyed getting to know each other through our writing, and then decided to meet face to face.” Respond and then divert the inquisitor’s attention to another detail of your newfound love. You and your fiancé can agree on one of these abridged versions of your meeting, or you can take a deep breath and tell the truth.

One truism that you may be forgetting is that most folks are vaguely curious about your meeting, and then their attention quickly turns to whether they need to get gas on the way home or if they have enough time to pick up the dry cleaning.

Try focusing on loving your guy well. Your new life together is much more important than your online profile.

• • •


Keep it simple, be honest, don’t even bother embellishing the truth. We all live online, anyway. Meeting there will become the norm.

• • •


It’s not the norm for this old-fashioned writer. Keep it simple and move on to another facet of your relationship. This will keep your public interested for all of the five minutes they require.

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Posted at 12:09 PM/ET, 02/16/2012 RSS | Print | Permalink | Comments () | Blogs