News & Politics

Missed Connections: Anger-Management Edition

Arrestees, Metro-chemistry dampeners, and law-school misery in this week’s online lonelyhearts postings

This week, everyone’s a little irritable as they trudge through the dog days of August. A thwarted coffee date or a bad day in torts class is enough to send these posters over the edge—or at least to seek catharsis on Craigslist. But sometimes, as a local cop hopes, a hostile encounter can lead to happiness . . . and an amusing Missed Connection post.

Law School–m4w–37 (NW)
Date: 2010-08-18, 5:46PM EDT

Law school is horrible people doing horrible things to other horrible people, plus what happens in the cases.

Admissions officers everywhere are jumping to copyright this slogan.

14th Street Bus This Morning–m4w–32 (14th Street Bus)
Date: 2010-08-19, 12:07AM EDT

The Setting: Riding the 14th street bus to work this morning.

Me: guy standing up and talking to a fantastic girl who got on the bus at the same time as me

You: girl sitting next to said fantastic girl.

What: After much chatting between me and fantastic girl, fantastic girl said she would disembark bus with me near Metro Center to switch to train for remainder of commute. I mentioned that we could walk to the Metro together. At this point, you interrupted and so helpfully suggested that she instead get off earlier at Farragut North to catch the Blue Line. Thanks to you, the Maestro of the Metro, I lost my chance to invite the fantastic girl to coffee.

He seems more concerned with chewing out the Maestro than finding his potential date. Perhaps it’s not love but spite that conquers all.

Date: 2010-08-18, 1:44AM EDT

what happened? I thought we might have been starting. . . something, but then. . . nothing. Did you run off with a stripper?

That’s usually the most logical explanation.

chips–w4m–29 (mount pleasant)
Date: 2010-08-17, 10:10AM EDT

there are certain things, an elvis costello song or garden gnome for example, that make me ache for you in a way that makes me wonder if we’re meant to be apart.

Nothing like a garden gnome to rekindle an old flame.

wading in wonderland–w4m–24 (dc)
Date: 2010-08-16, 2:57PM EDT

i followed the talking rabbit, you made it seem like he’d take me to you. and he did but one day i woke up and you were gone, and after only gracing me with your presence long enough to save me from being beheaded by the queen of hearts. the cheshire cat died and you took his place but i still can’t find my way out of this enchanted forest you helped me create. you abandoned a dream that could have come true. but you are just like the red roses, beautiful until you realize they aren’t rich red and have no color at all. i touched the pedal and my fingers were covered in blood red paint revealing the white lying pedals. maybe my name really is mary-ann and i should’ve kept following that talking rabbit and passed by your way without looking back. you are nothing to lose because inside you’re just as empty as that tin man i met years back after i was swept away in that tornado. only you think your heart pumps warm blood but it doesn’t. that beat you hear in your chest is only the sound of cool blood hitting the hollow bottom of your rusting metal heart, but you let the life in you escape. i thought your eyes seemed different when i saw you again.

I guess I missed the Wizard of Oz sequel where the Tin Man meets Alice and company.

I arrested you–m4m–27 (close to town)
Date: 2010-08-19, 2:26AM EDT

sorry, it’s my job. It was a stupid situation, we both know it, luckily it wasnt anything serious and you were very patient and understanding. ANYWAY, i think we had some cheistry. Hit me up and maybe we can think of something better to do with those handcuffs. Tell me what you were charged with and lets get together.

It’s comforting to know that Washington’s finest are serious about keeping an eye on criminals.

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