News & Politics

Missed Connections: Destiny Edition

Blood donors, cheap-but-eloquent stalkers, and low self-esteem

To post on Craigslist Missed Connections, you have to cling to a certain belief in destiny. You weren’t merely two ships passing in the night; you belong together. This week’s lovelorn know that those winks implied more than casual interest. They hint at an upcoming lifetime of moonlit walks on the beach, mutual blood donations, joyful stops at the premium gas pump, and nostalgia for arcade games from the ’80s.

Playing Frogger–m4m–32 (Greensboro Drive)
Date: 2010-07-19, 1:50PM EDT
We were dodging cars in McLean today trying to cross the street. On the off chance you see this, you are one hot guy! Hopefully our paths will cross again in safer circumstances ha

Like while avoiding ghosts in a Pac-Man maze?

Giving Blood–m4w (Fairfax Red Cross)
Date: 2010-07-19, 11:14PM EDT
You: Sitting in the donor waiting area at the Red Cross looking relaxed and cute as all get-out.
Me: In the recovery area, dizzy and eating oatmeal-raisin cookies.
It seemed we had some nice eye-contact, but on top of being dizzy I’m a bit shy, so I left without saying a word. Argh! You might be my type!

AB negatives are so very difficult to find.

A polite, bashful smile–m4w (Work)
Date: 2010-07-20, 6:33PM EDT
You: green and black. Me: black and white. I gave you a weird, almost unsure smile. You mirrored my action. I was hesitant to make this post, because I don’t want to potentially offend you, but it seems like I might have already, so. . .Anyway, there is still a strong desire to get to know you,but I’ve realized that I’m a very dull person and that you’re really not interested in me. Regardless, I hope you’re doing well where you are. I wish I could see your pretty self more often, but maybe it’s better for you this way. Before, I was just spoiled by ridiculous gorgeousness.

Daily affirmation assignment: I am not weird and unsure. I do not offend. I am not a very dull person.

S9 and Target this evening–m4w–26 (Columbia Heights)
Date: 2010-07-20, 7:31PM EDT
The moment I heard your ringtone on the S9 bus I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You were a vision of beauty and had the exact things I love in a woman. You were reading The Beautiful Things that Heaven Bears and, with you nearby, I was living it. To make the inevitable more gut-wrenching, we both got off on Park Road and walked to Target. Everyone caught longing glances at you as you talked on the phone and I didn’t blame them one bit. I was in the same trance. In Target, you looked at makeup and I thought “nothing made by man could improve what nature has done.” We both looked in the same section and I wished I could take you home with me. If I didn’t know better, knowing of your existence was my present from the gods for my birthday. An email from you would be an even better one. Let me know what you either of us was wearing or what you bought so I know it is you. I’d like to cook you dinner one night. I miss you already.

Romantically eloquent stalkers are the most dangerous. In Target, no one can hear you scream.

Are you out there solemate?–w4m–22 (Gaithersberg Gas station)
Date: 2010-07-21, 3:24PM EDT
This morning I saw you at the pump and I knew you were my solemate. You even got premium gas and I thought i was the only one who did that. I was wearing a white shirt, do you remember me? I saw you wink. If so respond so we can meet for dinner sometime. I know youll find this add.

Who cares about the color of your shirt? Describe those matchmaking shoes.

Clarendon Garage Elevator–“Thanks”–m4w (Clarendon)
Date: 2010-07-21, 11:22PM EDT
Hi, woman in workout gear with a green top, it’s me, guy in black polo shirt trying to get to the elevator before the door closed. I saw that you were going for the button to hold it, and I said thanks sincerely, although it was already closing on me. I was not being sarcastic. A couple of minutes later I fully processed our interaction with an “ohhhh.” You said something I couldn’t quite hear ending in “fault” and got off at the next level shaking your head. “Hmmph”, I thought, “bad day or something.” Oh, but wait, I get situations. Apparently you thought I was blaming you for my elevator door predicament. This was not the case. This is not intended to be a romantic missed connection, by the way. I just felt like clarifying this in the one in 500,000 chance you saw this. Didn’t want this to be the straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back event after you moved here for work from Idaho or something and then decided to move back because “people in DC are dicks.”

Maybe she decided to move back to Idaho because people in Washington can see through the ceilings to levels above.


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