Missed Connections: Lack of Courage Edition

Cheap, dumb, and out-of-control stares

Written by Rebecca Wallace | Published on December 14, 2010

Many posts on Missed Connections beg the question “Why?” Couldn’t you just have asked for her number? Couldn’t you just have slipped him yours? But sometimes there’s a good reason to retreat to Craigslist, such as fear of pepper spray. This week, Washingtonians take the cheaper approach to Match.com, misuse punctuation, and (we hope) share elongated stares.

Female Walking Cell Phone (King Farm – Rockville)
Date: 2010-07-13, 10:51PM EDT
Attractive female wearing an oversized shirt taking an evening walk around king farm around 10pm, I drove next to you and said ‘You’re pretty attractive’ and u said “Thank you!” Don’t ever think you’ll read this but if you exercise in the area hit me up. Reply to me as to what type of car I was driving 🙂

The specificity of this post is refreshing. If you only eat and shop in the area, don’t even bother making contact.

Orange Line this morning – m4w – 27 (Clarendon)
Date: 2010-07-14, 11:25AM EDT
Saw you on the Orange Line headed downtown this morning, presumably bound for work. It was after 9:30 and I assume you were running late, but you didn’t look particularly worried. I guess I would describe you as bemused and bewitching, with the playfully confident aura that, in my experience, often comes from possession of law enforcement-grade pepper spray. I mean, you seemed to enjoy a little low intensity, non-verbal flirtation while commuting, but I bet you’re equally happy to douse the faces of overly aggressive metro suitors with a weaponized incapacitating agent. That’s probably why I resisted the urge to bid you fair morning and ask for your number. I am now just chock full of rue over the whole thing. Oh, you were wearing a white blouse, but for some reason I feel like black is really your color. As for me, well, if you check these regularly you know the drill.

Maybe if you stop insisting that women wear different-color blouses, you’ll have fewer experiences with law-enforcement-grade pepper spray.Pho trouble – w4m (Rosslyn)
Date: 2010-07-14, 1:08PM EDT
You sat beside me struggling with chopsticks, it was very cute to watch. I wanted to talk to you more but didn’t want to disturb your lunch w/ friends, it was fun watching you struggle. Hope you don’t have heartburn later with all that siracha..haha
Its a long shot but if you see this, tell me your name and what I was wearing.

Most great loves are founded on Sriracha heartburn and chopsticks schadenfreude.

Harvard water bottle, 8pm Weds – m4w – 31 (Vida Metropole)
Date: 2010-07-14, 8:29PM EDT
Brunette, red top, black cycling shorts, looker, and the aforementioned water bottle.
Not sure this counts as a MC because I’m probably almost certain there was no wink or elongated stare, but there might have been, hence this MC.

I’m probably almost certain you provided no information about yourself. Without that first elongated stare, how is she supposed to remember you?

mikelou on match.com – w4m – 30 (dc)
Date: 2010-07-14, 9:45PM EDT
Ok so this is a total long shot and not sure if you look at these things at all but I saw your profile on match and was all about contacting you through the site when I realized a. I’d have to input some asinine profile b. and pay like $40, and while you are cute I have to say that was quite the gamble. 🙂 Oh and so you have a description of yourself in case you’re still unsure if this is you, you’re 6’0 ,27, Asian and work with computers. Vague I know…anyway if you think this is you and would like to find out who I am. Then please email me back!

You included his name in the title of the Missed Connections. How is that vague?

Baby…….. – w4m
Date: 2010-07-15, 1:51AM EDT
For the record……I haven’t been here in a while…and I’ve been hesitant to come back here ……but reaching you elsewhere has been difficult………..seems like you want it that way for now……….and I’m hoping that this silence is only temporary…………just so you know it’s not how I want it…………it’s just how it is at the moment……….if you need space and time then that’s what you shall have from me my love……but I already told you that if you need me anytime night or day……well………you know……………

Grammar 101: There are three—only THREE—periods in an ellipsis.