How to Prepare for Sunday’s Super Bowl

Lucas Oil Stadium. Photograph by Flickr user Carl Van Rooy Photography.

Super Bowl week can be loads of fun, provided that you’re an executive with an NFL corporate sponsor or a C-list celebrity getting paid to show up at a party. For those of us who aren’t fortunate enough to be spending the week in exotic Indianapolis, it’s an interminable stretch. To make things easier, I’ve broken the week down with a daily planner.

Monday

Take it easy; you were probably up late last night watching the Pro Bowl. We’re just kidding, of course. No one actually watches more than five minutes of the Pro Bowl. You’d get more out of watching John Beck running an unofficial offseason practice during a lockout. Today will be relatively quiet. The Patriots are getting settled, while the Giants are just arriving. Both head coaches and select players will be made available to lob platitudes at disinterested members of the media.

Tuesday

Take in the spectacle of Media Day. How will New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski top his now-famous “Yo soy fiesta” interview with ESPN Deportes? By doing the exact same thing with Ines Sainz, hopefully. The TV Azteca reporter understands what Media Day is all about, and that’s attracting the spotlight. Whether it’s from players, cameras, or fellow media members, Sainz knows how to draw a crowd. If you feel like watching, the NFL Network will have a live stream of the event. But to be honest, you can probably find a better use of your time.

Wednesday

Time to go grocery shopping. Whether you’re hosting a Super Bowl party, watching at a friend’s, or sitting alone in squalor, you should have something to eat. And plenty to drink. It’s always nice to incorporate the geographic rivalry into your gastronomic experience. Since no one is going to be interested in a clam chowder showdown (that red stuff barely qualifies as chowder), you should focus on the beer. Pick one representative from each city in the big game (that’s New York and Boston, by the way) and let your friends make their allegiances known. Going with Harpoon IPA and Brooklyn Lager will let you stock a nice variety.

Thursday

It’s time to catch up on the storylines—and where better to do that than in this very space? Check back here on Thursday for the relevant talking points for Sunday’s game.

Friday

If you’re cooking chili, now is the time to do it. If you’re not cooking chili, then congratulations, you ruined the Super Bowl. Ideally you’re reading this on Monday, so there’s plenty of time to rectify that mistake. Make your chili on Friday, then stick it in the refrigerator until Sunday. Do it right, and it should age like a fine Bordeaux.

Saturday

The NFL Honors show. What better way to cap off a week of corporate parties and self-promotion than with the league’s very own Hollywood-style awards show? Alec Baldwin will host the first annual (assuming nothing goes terribly wrong) NFL Honors show on NBC. During the two-hour event (three with the obligatory red carpet show) the league will hand out its major awards, including the AP MVP, the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year, and seemingly make-believe awards like the Madden Most Valuable Protectors Award presented by Prilosec OTC. Oh God, this is going to be worse than the Golden Globes. If Modern Family doesn’t win something, I’ll be shocked.

Jack Kogod