If Mitt Romney loses the race for the White House, could he be TV’s next reality-show host? Illustration by Antony Hare.
It’s pilot season for the TV networks, which means everyone is hoping to land the next big reality series. After Sarah Palin’s Alaska teamed the former John McCain running mate with producer Mark Burnett, the inventor of Survivor, there’s no shortage of possibilities for the genre. We got our hands on one network’s pitch sheet.
The Bachelor: 9-9-9
It’s The Bachelor meets America’s Next Top Model.Herman Cain and two other judges rate possible new companions. The perfect score? 9-9-9, of course.
Celebrity Gay Rehab With Marcus and Michele
It’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy flipped on its head—a straight guy, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, and his congresswoman wife, Michele, make over the lifestyles of gay celebrities and rid them of unwanted homosexual tendencies.
I Like Firing People
Hosted by Mitt Romney, it’s a cross between Donald Trump’sThe Apprenticeand the George Clooney movie Up in the Air. No business tasks, no catty infighting, all boardroom, all firings. Weekly opening montage depicts Romney walking past very poor people.
Jon’s Excellent Adventure
Unemployed former ambassador heartthrob Jon Huntsman travels the back roads of America on his custom Harley motorcycle, sharing a meal with each of the 12 people who supported his presidential campaign. MTV’s Road Rules meets American Chopper, with a bit of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives mixed in.
In Joe’s House
MTV’s Cribs meets Pimp My Ride meets The West Wing. Each episode follows a lonely Joe Biden around the pimped-out Naval Observatory grounds as he details the hidden bunkers and emergency exits. Bonus: low staff costs—no need to hire writers, just wind Joe up and he’ll talk for an hour straight.
Snooki & John Strike Back
America’s favorite orange superhero duo—Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Speaker of the House John Boehner—team up to fight President Obama’s evil tax on tanning beds. Special guest during sweeps month: George Hamilton.
Santorum Reads the Classics
The one-and-only Rick Santorum—the sultan of spontaneity, the emperor of energy, the prince of pizzazz, the viceroy of vibrancy—reads a Russian novel or French philosopher out loud each week in a darkened studio, illuminated by a single spotlight. Late-night time slots only.
Are You Smarter Than the Texas Governor?
It’s Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? with a twist: Actual ten-year-olds compete to see if they’re brainier than Texas governor Rick “Oops” Perry. Sudden-death segment: naming any Supreme Court justice.
This article appears in the March 2012 issue of The Washingtonian.
Reality Show Pitches for Politicians
Television pilot pitches starring some of the most publicized potential candidates of the 2012 presidential election.
If Mitt Romney loses the race for the White House, could he be TV’s next reality-show host? Illustration by Antony Hare.
It’s pilot season for the TV networks, which means everyone is hoping to land the next big reality series. After Sarah Palin’s Alaska teamed the former John McCain running mate with producer Mark Burnett, the inventor of Survivor, there’s no shortage of possibilities for the genre. We got our hands on one network’s pitch sheet.
The Bachelor: 9-9-9
It’s The Bachelor meets America’s Next Top Model. Herman Cain and two other judges rate possible new companions. The perfect score? 9-9-9, of course.
Celebrity Gay Rehab With Marcus and Michele
It’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy flipped on its head—a straight guy, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, and his congresswoman wife, Michele, make over the lifestyles of gay celebrities and rid them of unwanted homosexual tendencies.
I Like Firing People
Hosted by Mitt Romney, it’s a cross between Donald Trump’s The Apprentice and the George Clooney movie Up in the Air. No business tasks, no catty infighting, all boardroom, all firings. Weekly opening montage depicts Romney walking past very poor people.
Jon’s Excellent Adventure
Unemployed former ambassador heartthrob Jon Huntsman travels the back roads of America on his custom Harley motorcycle, sharing a meal with each of the 12 people who supported his presidential campaign. MTV’s Road Rules meets American Chopper, with a bit of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives mixed in.
In Joe’s House
MTV’s Cribs meets Pimp My Ride meets The West Wing. Each episode follows a lonely Joe Biden around the pimped-out Naval Observatory grounds as he details the hidden bunkers and emergency exits. Bonus: low staff costs—no need to hire writers, just wind Joe up and he’ll talk for an hour straight.
Snooki & John Strike Back
America’s favorite orange superhero duo—Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Speaker of the House John Boehner—team up to fight President Obama’s evil tax on tanning beds. Special guest during sweeps month: George Hamilton.
Santorum Reads the Classics
The one-and-only Rick Santorum—the sultan of spontaneity, the emperor of energy, the prince of pizzazz, the viceroy of vibrancy—reads a Russian novel or French philosopher out loud each week in a darkened studio, illuminated by a single spotlight. Late-night time slots only.
Are You Smarter Than the Texas Governor?
It’s Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? with a twist: Actual ten-year-olds compete to see if they’re brainier than Texas governor Rick “Oops” Perry. Sudden-death segment: naming any Supreme Court justice.
This article appears in the March 2012 issue of The Washingtonian.
Most Popular in News & Politics
Roe v. Wade Was Overturned. These Protests Are Happening Around DC.
Cassidy Hutchinson: Five Things
A Massive Asian-American Led Protest Is Happening Saturday. Here’s What You Need to Know
Anti-Abortion Clinic Protests Are Getting Bigger and More Aggressive
Tracy Grant Leaves the Washington Post
Washingtonian Magazine
July 2022: Summer Music Guide
View IssueSubscribe
Follow Us on Social
Follow Us on Social
Related
Guest List: 5 People We’d Love to Hang Out With This June
Not Just Foxes: 5 Animals You Might Spot at the US Capitol
How Rosa Parks Befriended a DC Hotel Owner
Dan About Town: The Best of Bashes, Balls, and Benefits This Past April
More from News & Politics
Devastation, Joy, and Fury: Reactions From the Supreme Court
Roe v. Wade Was Overturned. These Protests Are Happening Around DC.
PHOTOS: DC’s British Embassy Caps Off Queen Elizabeth’s Platinum Jubilee
Photos from the Supreme Court: Roe v. Wade Has Been Overturned
50 Years After Title IX: Why Survivors Still Need More Protections
Anti-Abortion Clinic Protests Are Getting Bigger and More Aggressive
“Reading Lolita in Tehran” Author Azar Nafisi on How Freddie Mercury of Queen Helped Her Survive Life in Iran
This Maryland Start-Up Is on the Brink of Winning a Prestigious XPRIZE