District residents are all-too-familiar with the limited brand of democracy that the nation’s capital is entitled to, and now so does the audience of HBO’s Last Week Tonight. John Oliver used last night’s episode to take up the DC statehood cause, culminating in a chorus of singing, blue-tongued children.
Oliver’s 17-minute feature on the District’s lack of representation in Congress shows Last Week Tonight‘s usual meticulous research, hitting on many recent examples of DC’s local agenda getting railroaded by meddlesome legislators from far-flung jurisdictions. Among the incidents featured are the attempts to block marijuana legalization, restrictions on using city funds to pay for abortions for low-income women, and prevention of a needle-exchange program to combate the city’s HIV infection rate.
The segment also goes all the way back to the drafting of the Constitution, too, with Oliver comparing the clause reading that Congress has the right to “exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever” in the nation’s capital to a rough-sex arrangement. “As far as documents demanding control go, it’s right up there with the one Christian Grey asked Anastasia Steele to sign in Fifty Shades of Grey before he, I don’t know, pinched her butt, or whatever,” Oliver says.
Oliver also has sharp words for House Oversight Chairman Jason Chaffetz, who as the District’s Capitol Hill overseer, has often been mealymouthed in explaining why his passion for states’ rights stops at DC’s boundaries. “States’ rights yes, but Washington, DC is not a state,” Chaffetz told CNN in February.
To that, Oliver says: “You know you have a weak argument when you’re clinging to the precise wording you use. Hey, I said I wouldn’t fuck any other women. This is my squash mate, Gary.”
After conceding that the most recent congressional hearing on DC statehood only attracted two senators’ brief attention, Oliver resorts to a potentially more powerful form of advocacy than anything voting-rights organization DC Vote has ever cooked up: a bunch of children singing the song that alphabetizes the names of the states, but rewritten to include the District’s situation. Some choice lyrics include:
“There are 50 states in total and we’ll sing their names with glee/But there’s one place they get shafted, and it’s Washington DC.”
“All the rest of us can choose a path that we think is best/But any choice that DC makes is easily supressed.”
“‘Cause some asshole with a rider who might live in Tennessee/Can destroy a needle program for preventing HIV.”
“Let them have gun laws, let them have weed!/Let them decide the things that they need!”
“And if you’re totally convinced that there should be just 50 states/Well then let’s all kick out Florida ’cause no one thinks they’re great.”
Benjamin Freed joined Washingtonian in August 2013 and covers politics, business, and media. He was previously the editor of DCist and has also written for Washington City Paper, the New York Times, the New Republic, Slate, and BuzzFeed. He lives in Adams Morgan.
Watch John Oliver Make the Case for DC Statehood
District residents are all-too-familiar with the limited brand of democracy that the nation’s capital is entitled to, and now so does the audience of HBO’s Last Week Tonight. John Oliver used last night’s episode to take up the DC statehood cause, culminating in a chorus of singing, blue-tongued children.
Oliver’s 17-minute feature on the District’s lack of representation in Congress shows Last Week Tonight‘s usual meticulous research, hitting on many recent examples of DC’s local agenda getting railroaded by meddlesome legislators from far-flung jurisdictions. Among the incidents featured are the attempts to block marijuana legalization, restrictions on using city funds to pay for abortions for low-income women, and prevention of a needle-exchange program to combate the city’s HIV infection rate.
The segment also goes all the way back to the drafting of the Constitution, too, with Oliver comparing the clause reading that Congress has the right to “exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever” in the nation’s capital to a rough-sex arrangement. “As far as documents demanding control go, it’s right up there with the one Christian Grey asked Anastasia Steele to sign in Fifty Shades of Grey before he, I don’t know, pinched her butt, or whatever,” Oliver says.
Oliver also has sharp words for House Oversight Chairman Jason Chaffetz, who as the District’s Capitol Hill overseer, has often been mealymouthed in explaining why his passion for states’ rights stops at DC’s boundaries. “States’ rights yes, but Washington, DC is not a state,” Chaffetz told CNN in February.
To that, Oliver says: “You know you have a weak argument when you’re clinging to the precise wording you use. Hey, I said I wouldn’t fuck any other women. This is my squash mate, Gary.”
After conceding that the most recent congressional hearing on DC statehood only attracted two senators’ brief attention, Oliver resorts to a potentially more powerful form of advocacy than anything voting-rights organization DC Vote has ever cooked up: a bunch of children singing the song that alphabetizes the names of the states, but rewritten to include the District’s situation. Some choice lyrics include:
Benjamin Freed joined Washingtonian in August 2013 and covers politics, business, and media. He was previously the editor of DCist and has also written for Washington City Paper, the New York Times, the New Republic, Slate, and BuzzFeed. He lives in Adams Morgan.
Most Popular in News & Politics
Meet DC’s 2025 Tech Titans
The “MAGA Former Dancer” Named to a Top Job at the Kennedy Center Inherits a Troubled Program
White House Seriously Asks People to Believe Trump’s Letter to Epstein Is Fake, Oliver North and Fawn Hall Got Married, and It’s Time to Plan Your Apple-Picking Excursion
Scott Bessent Got in Another Argument With a Coworker; Trump Threatens Chicago, Gets Booed in New York; and Our Critic Has an Early Report From Kayu
Trump Travels One Block From White House, Declares DC Crime-Free; Barron Trump Moves to Town; and GOP Begins Siege of Home Rule
Washingtonian Magazine
September Issue: Style Setters
View IssueSubscribe
Follow Us on Social
Follow Us on Social
Related
These Confusing Bands Aren’t Actually From DC
Fiona Apple Wrote a Song About This Maryland Court-Watching Effort
The Confusing Dispute Over the Future of the Anacostia Playhouse
Protecting Our Drinking Water Keeps Him Up at Night
More from News & Politics
5 Things to Know About “Severance” Star Tramell Tillman
See a Spotted Lanternfly? Here’s What to Do.
Patel Dined at Rao’s After Kirk Shooting, Nonviolent Offenses Led to Most Arrests During Trump’s DC Crackdown, and You Should Try These Gougères
How a DC Area Wetlands Restoration Project Could Help Clean Up the Anacostia River
Pressure Grows on FBI Leadership as Search for Kirk’s Killer Continues, Kennedy Center Fires More Staffers, and Spotted Lanternflies Are Everywhere
What Is Free DC?
Manhunt for Charlie Kirk Shooter Continues, Britain Fires US Ambassador Over Epstein Connections, and Sandwich Guy Will Get a Jury Trial
Can Two Guys Ride a Rickshaw over the Himalayas? It Turns Out They Can.