News

Angry Reviews of DC Landmarks: the Washington Monument

"An erect penis in the capital of the worst country in the world."
It looks like exactly what you think it does. Photograph via iStock.

An occasional series of unfortunate experiences at well-known sites around DC.

It’s only the most recognizable symbol of DC, honoring the first President, in the most prominent spot on the Mall, and all that other good stuff. But the Washington Monument still fails to endear itself to the hordes of tourists who come, see, and leave less-than-impressed. In addition to its chronic woes—The National Park service has announced it will be closed for much-needed elevators repairs until mid-September—here are all the other reasons why the Washington Monument should actually be shrinking in embarrassment:

As Freud said, sometimes an obelisk is just an obelisk.

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.51.07 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.51.22 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.11.58 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.18.44 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.26.07 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.28.53 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.28.16 PM

 

All of which may be responsible for this:

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.52.05 PM

 

Get Washingtonian’s Daily DC Updates (Not Just Another Political News Roundup)

It’s also useless as a writing instrument.

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.36.07 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.10.46 PM

 

It’s just a huge (fill in the blank).

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.56.43 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.59.50 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.02.49 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.12.26 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.15.40 PM

 

Those red demon eyes, tho…

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.08.08 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.14.51 PM

 

Some people just cut right to the chase.

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.34.28 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.19.15 PM

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.22.16 PM

 

Worst of all: it’s a Pokemon Go gym. In other words, stay the hell away for the next month or two.

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 3.39.00 PM

Questions or comments? You can reach us on Twitter, via e-mail, or by contacting the author directly: