The year 2020 is a wild time: It speaks to our evolution as a species that you can click a button and have a talking Donald Trump figurine show up at your door in 24 hours.
Whether you want to own the libs or take back the Oval Office, there’s political paraphernalia for everyone these days. So, we rounded up some of the strangest Biden and Trump swag we could find:
Joe Biden cat collar
Just in case they was any doubt regarding where your cat is on the political spectrum, there’s this “No meowlarkey” cat collar. Do less, 2020.
Joe Biden pet bandana
Because American cats are a key swing demographic when it comes to votes. (Don’t worry—there’s a dog version, too.)
Joe Biden coffee
If you want a side of Joe with your….cup of joe.
Joe Biden hand sanitizer
This “Build Back Better” bottle of hand sanitizer will help keep you Covid-free and politically active. Nice!
Joe Biden phone case
Every time you pull out your phone with its “Biden: He won’t inject you with bleach” case, people will know where you stand when it comes to both politics and medical science.
Joe Biden-scented candle
For when you want a big ole whiff o’ Biden. (According to this candle, he smells like orange gatorade, of which he’s a fan.)
Joe Biden Journal
“Dear Diary: Today I saw Joe Biden on C-SPAN. He is soooooooooo dreamy….”
Joe Biden dog toy
TBD on whether this is pro- or anti-Biden, but in either case, your pup can gnaw on a plush version of the nominee.
Donald Trump wall game
Branded as “the perfect gag gift for the deplorable bad hombres in your life,” this game is like Jenga, except with a border wall and a president.
Donald Trump bobblehead
This Trump figurine is flipping the bird behind a podium, and comes with “Hey Liberals” or “Hey Media” signs you can switch out depending on which camp you’d like to offend that day.
MAGA key rack
Perfect for hanging up the keys to the vault where you keep your hydroxychloroquine stash.
Donald Trump fan
A fan to keep you cool at crowded indoor rallies.
Donald Trump straws
Because what else would you stick in your morning iced covfefe?
Donald Trump hot sauce
Just in case you want your Goya beans extra spicy.
Donald Trump cologne
“Smells like freedom with a subtle hint of liberal tears,” reads an Amazon review of this spray. “God bless our president and God bless America.”
Mimi Montgomery joined Washingtonian in 2018. She’s written for The Washington Post, Garden & Gun, Outside Magazine, Washington City Paper, DCist, and PoPVille. Originally from North Carolina, she now lives in Del Ray.
