Life as we know it is about to change in a big way tomorrow: rentable scooters will finally have to be locked to bike racks or signs once people are done riding them. No longer will general egress from the Mall be impeded by the discarded carcasses of hundreds of battery-drained rideshares, and no longer will people be able to dump their wheels in places wholly inappropriate for scooter habitation.
You might think that we’re referring to the odd scooter on the middle of a bridge or sidewalk or off the side of a trail. Nope, that’s mere child’s play. This new enforcement from the DC Council will also eradicate scooters in Metro stations, scooters inside Metro cars, scooters in public bathrooms, and, yes, scooters hanging for their dear life from the underside of bridges. After two violations, scooter company Lime—one of a few operating in DC—will boot riders off its platform.
So, ye agents of chaos, if you’ve ever wanted to feel truly alive and watch a Lime scooter thrash from gravity as it plummets to the bottom of Rock Creek Park, now is the time to wreak havoc while you still can.*
*Washingtonian would like to note that dumping property, especially property that is not yours, over the side of one of the Rock Creek Park bridges is and has always been illegal. This has not seemed to stop anyone, so, use your best judgment.