We’re back for another recap of Love Is Blind‘s DC season on Netflix, and this week, our five betrothed couples are traveling from Mexico to Washington—er, Arlington—to see if their connections can survive the real world. Need a refresh on the first six episodes? Read our previous recap ⬇️
Recap: Episodes 7-9
We have half as many episodes as last week, yet I feel doubly aged.
Monica and Stephen
Shall we start with the messiest drama first? Last we saw Stephen and Monica, the latter was complaining her fiancé talked too much. Now she’s found a new gripe, and I’d like to amend our Love Is Blind drinking game to include another item: Take a sip every time Monica mentions flowers and her desire to receive them. Actually, please don’t do that—I’d rather not take responsibility for what would happen to you.
I’m all for “if he wanted to, he would,” but where is Stephen supposed to get flowers at this beach resort? I smell production sabotage. Are they sending a PA to buy out every flower shop in Cabo? Are they periodically locking Stephen in a supply closet? The lack of flowers is a big problem because, as Monica informs Stephen, “receiving gifts” is her third love language. Stephen responds that he knows he doesn’t have to get her something high quality such as a Kate Spade bag. For Monica, these are not words of affirmation (her second love language) because she’s more of a YSL or Louis Vuitton girl anyways.
Back in DC, production takes pity on the young and the flowerless, and Stephen brings Monica to Adams Morgan shop Plntr for a pressed flower tutorial. “I kind of forgot about the flower thing,” he says. I’m concerned he’s not getting enough rest and maybe should take a sleep test. Now that the flowers have been solved, it’s going to be all chill for this couple, right? Right!?
Well, at least it wasn’t the flowers. Remember when I said Stephen needs more sleep? Foreshadowing, baby! Stephen gets drunk (?) to take a sleep test (??) and texts someone messages “filled with fetishes,”(???) according to Monica. Flowers are not going to fix this one, nor will a YSL purse! And with that, we have our first breakup.
Before Stephen, who also lost his job this week, exits for good, Monica makes one last request. “I would like you to Venmo me the money you owe me for me carrying your weight the last couple days,” she says. “If you wouldn’t mind taking out your phone now to send me the Venmo.” Reader, I gasped. True passive aggressives know that the highest echelon of petty behavior takes place on Venmo, and I have to respect Monica’s power move here. I hope she uses the Venmo cash to buy herself flowers.
Drama forecast: Game over.
Marissa and Ramses
In Mexico, Ramses and Marissa have a date on a boat. This is also a metaphor for the sinking ship they are on.
The first hole in the hull appears back in DC while eating dinner in their apartment. Marissa tells Ramses she is patriotic and proud of her military service, but she doesn’t support what the military does in other countries. That being said, she does support the troops and their sacrifices. Ramses is…not impressed by this statement. He gives her an anti-imperialist stare and reminds her people sign up to do this, but she pushes back that they don’t sign up to kill people. Ramses is like uh, dude, what do you think all those guns are for? “Call me naive!” she responds.
We do learn three other important things about Marissa during this scene: She’s a former Mormon (which means she could conceivably cross over to Secret Lives of Mormon Wives one day), watching Barbie made her realize she is not accepting any man who is for the patriarchy, and she commutes to Baltimore for school, so they’d need to move there. Baltimore strikes again!
Marissa and Ramses meet her friends at a bar with Halloween décor, which is a little too literal for this spooky conversation. They discuss his negative reaction to Marissa’s military service, and he admits that if she went back in, this would be grounds for a divorce. “Your politics are tied to your ethics,” he says. They seem to be at an impasse.
But the meetings are not over yet, and compared to Marissa’s mom Vanessa, her friends seem like cuddly panda bears. Upon arriving at Vera in Ivy City, Vanessa greets the newly-engaged couple in the traditional fashion: “You guys look like siblings, it’s kind of weird.” After her family drags his aesthetic for a moment—El DeBarge, an ’80s breakdancer, etc. etc.—they get down to business. Vanessa tells Ramses they need a prenup, which he is okay with. Marissa says she will decide on that, and I pray she’s not trying to become a divorce lawyer. There is no wedding blessing here because, to quote Vanessa, “I don’t believe in forever.” Instead, she threatens to cut off Ramses’s balls if he hurts her daughter, and then the music kicks in: “Cut ya, cut ya, I will cut you clean.” Shout out to the music supervisor who had to scroll through castration-themed songs.
Military service is a problem, prenup is a problem, but at least our Official Horny Couple has the bedroom to lean on…or do they? After discussing the timeline for kids, Marissa needs to talk to her doctor about birth control, even though she really doesn’t want to get back on it. Instead, she’d like for Ramses to wear condoms. However, Ramses is not interested in a condom to colonize his sword. Why? “It’s not really enjoyable, baby.” Yeah, Ramses, neither is getting an IUD.
Drama forecast: I mean, come on, the Bohdan showdown is written in the stars. We know Marissa connected with him about their shared military service, so it’s only a matter of time before he makes his reappearance and threatens this pairing. But Bohdan isn’t the only thing that could doom this union. I crowned Ramses this season’s Feminist King in the last recap, but I’m taking the crown back for this condom nonsense!
Ashley and Tyler
For me to truly believe a romantic reality show, there needs to be at least one couple that seems genuinely in love. That seems to be Ashley and Tyler. It’s all good vibes, which is to say, I’m kind of bored—until the last five minutes of Episode 9. Now, if you’re part of the chronically online contingency and have spent a good amount of time on TikTok or one of the Love Is Blind subreddits (guilty!), you’ll know there have been rumors about Tyler being a father of three. This is a good example of how disinformation can become a dastardly game of telephone. We learn the truth: Tyler donated sperm to people he knows, and they used it to become the parents of two girls and a boy. Tyler is not their father, he is the sperm donor. However, Ashley is upset because Tyler never told her, despite their many discussions about children.
Drama forecast: Is this really a big deal? I do think they’ll get past this. It sounds like she was caught off-guard—they don’t reveal to us how Ashley found—and needs a moment to grapple with it.
Taylor and Garrett
Upon their return back home, Taylor and Garrett head to his native Fredericksburg, or as Taylor calls it, “F-Burg.” I’m sorry, but the City of Fredericksburg is really catching strays this season. On the way over, they discuss how Taylor loves city life. “You’re a DC girl,” Garrett says to the San Diego transplant. He goes on to mislabel her a—GASP—analyst. She is a POLICY CONSULTANT, GARRETT. (That’s the sound of consultants at Accenture, Booz, and Deloitte picking up their pitchforks.) Once in F-Burg, his mom shares her concerns about the speed of their relationship. But Don’t worry, the couple assures her, We both love science!
Though the betrothed are currently living in the Rixey apartment building in Arlington with the rest of the couples, Taylor brings Garrett to her rowhouse in Shaw (more on that in our “Top 3 DC moments” below). Suddenly, I am looking at Garrett through new eyes: Taylor and I have the same cow print desk chair, so she must have spectacular taste. Should I be looking for a man like Garrett? They discuss how he’s has only lived in Fredericksburg, except for last summer, when he was in Virginia Beach. In the pods, they both seemed excited about moving to San Diego, but he says his family would be disappointed. Still, they’d come back, Taylor assures him: “Because I do federal affairs, like, I have to come to DC for stuff.”
Drama forecast: The San Diego conversation comes up again during a date at what looks to be Ciel Social Club in Mount Vernon Triangle, but all seems fine when they go to meet her friends. I’m still feeling good about this pairing. The family concerns are natural given the unique way they met, and her friends seem to believe she is genuinely happy. But San Diego is no F-Burg, so we’ll see what happens.
Alex and Tim
We left this couple on the rocks after a blowout fight, but they decided to have another conversation and keep things on track.
Alex has mentioned that it’s important for Tim to meet her father, Richard, and get his blessing, so it’s a high-pressure moment back in Washington. Not only does Richard not know she is engaged, he doesn’t even know about the Love Is Blind experiment. Despite this ominous setup, the Byrd family loves Tim. In the pods, Tim’s proposal featured a letter to Alex’s father, and he reads it to Richard, getting approval for their marriage. It’s a really beautiful moment for a couple that’s had a rough start.
We get to see the couple’s individual homes, too. First, Tim’s “modern man cave,” featuring portraits of himself and his dog as kings. We also get some very important insight from his fridge, stocked with dino nuggets. “That’s a key staple of my diet,” he says. Alex may not have a portrait hanging in her apartment, but she does have stickers of her face. Her stuff is all in trash bags, and as a fashionista, I assume this is a reference to Mugatu’s “Derelicte” scene in Zoolander.
Drama forecast: My allergies were acting up when Richard gave his blessing, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but think Alex just lost her out. Beyond their fight, Tim and Alex lack a certain chemistry. Maybe they can ask resident science nerds Garrett and Taylor for some help?
Nick Dorka and Hannah
We’re marked safe from duck riding in Episodes 7 to 9, so Hannah’s ick remains stagnant for now. While going bungee jumping in Mexico, Hannah tells Nick Dorka that jumping off the platform gives her the same feeling as when they’re in love, which feels like an indictment on bungee jumping. Back in DC, he tells her that his cooking speciality is “a fish dish.” Will Nick Dorka eclipse DC’s current reigning fish-cooker, Tony P.?
Nick Dorka and Hannah head to Vienna to visit Chez Dorkas. Like Taylor, Nick Dorka also lives in a basement, namely the one in his parents’ house. He even whips out his “Nick Dorka, Rice Properties Group” business cards for Hannah. Despite these fancy cards, Hannah seems unconvinced Nick Dorka is actually an adult, and they discuss finances back at the apartment. This conversation goes so well that at some point Hannah has to pause and ask Nick Dorka if he even knows what stocks are. Later, Nick Dorka does himself no favors by being unable to boil a pot of pasta. “I’ve done it once,” he says.
It’s time to the meet the families. First, Hannah’s brother Cade comes over in a very Dwayne the Rock Johnson look. Then, they head to a restaurant to meet the rest of her family, followed by a visit to the Dorka household once more. Hannah brings his mother a pineapple dip dish, and I’m starting to notice pineapples seem to be a popular motif in their home. On the counter, on the deck, on a napkin holder…I’m not really sure what the conversation is, because I am just counting pineapples. I’m convinced it has something to do with being swingers, but my editor reminds me that pineapples are also a sign of hospitality. Reader, you can make that call for yourself.
Drama forecast: Neither of these people are ready for marriage, so it’s hard to watch the buildup to what will inevitably be a dramatic moment at the altar. There’s a lot of back and forth about chores, and if I wanted to listen to bickering about domestic tasks, I would get married myself. Hannah seems to be annoyed by everything Nick Dorka does, and I think he should figure out the pot of pasta thing before he says any “I do.”
Top 3 DC moments
- Taylor brings Garrett to her rowhouse, where she lives in the basement unit. So you’re telling me we have a 1. transplant 2. consultant 3. living in an English basement? This is the Washington archetype equivalent of spinning three cherries on a slot machine. DC is back!
- Love Is Blind food crawl, anyone? We loved the cameos from DC-area restaurants: Vera in Ivy City, Tupelo Honey in Arlington, rooftop lounge Ciel Social Club in Mount Vernon Triangle. We also get a Capitals shoutout. Nick Dorka brings Hannah’s little brother a Caps cap because he’s a hockey fan. It’s the second DC team Nick Dorka has mentioned by name on the show.
- Number of times the Washington monument appeared on screen: 16. Next thing you know, she’ll be doing #sponcon on TikTok.
Bookshelf analysis
I got a quick glance at Nick’s bookshelf and Taylor’s stack of reads. Nick mentions many of the books are from his school days, and he seems to have a penchant for sports stories and fantasy. Meanwhile, Taylor is into more of the non-fiction genre with a focus on self-help. If you’re considering a Love Is Blind book club, here’s where to start.
Nick Dorka: Dragon Keeper by Caroline Wilkinson, Icefire by Chris d’Lacey, Stone Fox by John Reynolds Gardiner, Timothy of the Cay by Theodore Taylor, Center Court Sting by Matt Christopher, Babe & Me by Dan Gutman, Favorite Poems of Childhood by Philip Smith, Divergent by Veronica Roth, The Summer of Riley by Eve Bunting, Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie, A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Vile Village by Daniel Handler.
Taylor: Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Discipline Is Destiny: The Power of Self-Control by Ryan Holiday, Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Greaves Jean and Travis Bradberry, The Daily Stoic Journal: 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams by Gabrielle Bernstein, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear.
One final question
So, Stephen voted for Donald Trump in 2016 and Joe Biden in 2020. Is he casting a ballot for Donald Trump or Kamala Harris this year, and would his 2024 endorsement be considered an October surprise?
Daniella Byck joined Washingtonian in 2022. She was previously with Outside Magazine and lives in Takoma.
