My Friend Is Too Interested in My Marriage--What Should I Do? Ask Harry and Louise

The woman who wrote last week about her husband’s suspicious golf trip has some concerns with the friend who told her about it.

By: Harry Jaffe, Louise Jaffe

Dear Harry and Louise:

Last week you answered my question about photos of my husband's golf trip that show him with another lady often by his side. My friend alerted me that they had been posted on Facebook. Now my question is about the friend who clued me into the pictures and keeps asking if I have checked them out. She calls me each day to ask if I have discussed the boys' getaway week with my husband.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with the friend who did clue me into the pictures (which I'm grateful for), but is now showing too much interest?

Worried Webmistress

• • •

LOUISE SAYS:

Ah yes, the friend. So she keeps reminding you about the pictures. She needs to begin minding her own business. I am a big believer that no one knows a marriage except the two people in it. You can let your friend know very clearly that her services are no longer necessary. Say simply, "He and I have talked about it, we shared a few laughs, and we are done discussing it." You can be even more terse. Choose words that help her realize bringing up the pictures again will be more a reflection of her voyeuristic pleasure and less about her concern for you. You and your husband have moved on, so now she should, as well. This will free her up to focus on her own relationships.

• • •

HARRY SAYS:

Maybe the "friend" knows more than she has mentioned. Perhaps she keeps passing on hints about pictures with comely women because she has more evidence that the husband has not been faithful. It's quite possible she thinks she's protecting a friend, rather than making trouble.

But you are correct: Your friend's persistence raises some questions. The only way to answer them is to chat with her. But know that you might have to confront more troubling information about your husband and whether he's been faithful. Ultimately, this is between you and your man.

• • •

LOUISE SAYS:

This friend would share if she knew more. If she were really interested in protecting her friend, she would reveal all she knows. She is now being too mindful of a marriage that is not her own.

• • •

HARRY SAYS:

We still don't know if the husband is playing the field, so to speak. Perhaps the friend does know and needs to be asked, though the truth might hurt.