Overlooked: Best Missed Connections of the Week

You ordered pie ala mode and caught my eye–m4m–32 (Penn Quarter Malt Shoppe)
Date: 2010-05-17, 2:25PM EDT

You are the gorgeous olive skinned, almost exotic mid-30s guy lunching by yourself at the malt shop just now (around 2-ish) and you ordered some dessert, some pie ala mode. We looked at each other for a few seconds while you were placing your order. You are so cute! I’m kicking myself now for not asking you what mode you chose for your pie! If you see this ad and want to get together for some fun, or maybe to start a relationship, who knows, send me a message and tell me what mode you got (‘cause I really have to know that, if nothing else), and then, to further identify yourself, let me know what kind of pie you ordered. It’s a long shot, for sure, but I know a friend who did the MC thing and now is trying to rid himself of every kind of disease, albeit from a totally hot guy. We can make some plans tonight to be raptured in mode! LOL!

Papilloma Paul, right? Everyone knows that guy.

Mt. Vernon Trail leads to love. . .–w4m–23 (Mt. Vernon Trail)
Date: 2010-05-17, 4:27PM EDT

Picture this:
Sunday on Mt. Vernon Trail. A warm beautiful spring day, sun is shining, birds are chirping and then there you are. Like a gift from God himself. You rolled into my life.
I was running. You were gliding. . . like an angel! Sure, some people find roller blades to be a little uncool, if you will, but not me. No! I think that there is something retro about them, something really really sexy. You really have to be a confident man to pull them off.

It wasn’t just the way you floated by me. It was your muscle-tee belly shirt combo that really pulled me in. I could tell there was an instant attraction by your 60 second unbroken stare. I almost tripped over my own feet.

Let’s make this happen. I’ve always wanted to have sex on wheels.

Not to poop on your parade, but you do know that you can’t rollerblade unless you tell your parents you’re gay, right?

Wrestling Dinosaur–w4w (Phase 1)
Date: 2010-05-18, 8:46PM EDT

You wrestled at Phase last Wednesday–I botched trying to buy you a drink. You were driving and couldn’t. You work in PR–I thought you said NPR. Ha! I ran in to you leaving Phase late last Friday and yelled ‘Hey, Dinosaur!’ (I know, pitiful, but I didn’t know your name and it’s the best I could come up with on short notice. . . . . .). We ‘high-fived’ with a handshake and you asked my name. Do you remember?

God, lesbians are awkward.

Sat Glorious Health–m4m–39 (2120)
Date: 2010-05-17, 10:08AM EDT

Long shot. . . .Saturday afternoon at Glorious Health–hot guy that I blew in the telephone closet. You wore a white shirt and ball cap. Your body was amazing. I am glad you skipped the gym. Would love to hook up with you again.

Wait, are we playing the stereotype game?

Hipster Hunk at Target–w4m–24 (Columbia Heights)
Date: 2010-05-17, 8:58PM EDT

Spied you in the frozen foods section and noted your frustration at the not very vegan friendly options. You: tall, skinny jeans and v neck shirt. Me: Tall, skinny jeans and v neck shirt, Asian. Would love to continue this at Sticky Fingers some time. Hope you read this before my internship ends.

Yup. Definitely playing the stereotype game.

Liv Tyler made me smile–m4w–27 (Downtown)
Date: 2010-05-20, 6:44PM EDT

Monday morning, I took a red-eye to DC and ate some magic brownies when I landed. I didn’t know they would be so strong, so I went for a walk to calm my mind. In my amazing state of paranoia, I made eye contact with you. You look like Liv Tyler with tanner skin. I was wearing a blue polo, glasses, had media credentials around my neck, and eyes as red as a stop sign. I don’t remember if you were taller or shorter than me, or if you had a jacket, or any other minute details. . . but i do know you made eye contact. Almost immediately a slow gentle smile formed on your face and you locked eyes with me with this half-devlish grin as we passed. I couldn’t stop smiling until I got back to the office, and even now I still think of that smile. Just wanted to say thanks, you totally made my day

We hope your Liv Tyler is more of an Anna Faris.

I have psychic abilities !!–m4m
Date: 2010-05-21, 12:08AM EDT

i can literally look through you, i know your past, present and future. I find Aquarians quite fascinating. Do you like Leos? GRAWWWW

Can you also put your whole fist in your mouth? (forward 31 seconds into the clip.)

Afterwork on the phone–w4m–25 (S1 northbound)
Date: 2010-05-17, 11:58PM EDT

You: Blonde, ringo haircut, with glasses, in a gray suit, got off on close to U St. on 16th, talking on the cell phone.

Me: on the same bus

Message: Shut the hell up!!!! Why don’t you learn some common courtesy and hang the hell up after you’re done making a point? OH RIGHT, you never made one. Instead, you bored whoever the hell you were talking to, and annoyed all the other passengers for the ENTIRETY of your bus ride with your completely asinine stories about how your mileage points didn’t get you a flight to Shanghai, where you flew last week, where you’re flying to this week, and the time of your flight. NO ONE CARES. Oh, and lose the haircut, it’s hideous.

Amen sister. But this is Missed Connections, not Bitch Sessions.

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Alejandro Salinas