News & Politics

Missed Connections: Cops-and-Creepiness Edition

A girl is more appealing than a suspect, and the statute of limitations on one connection is up.

Two people exchange shy glances on Metro everyday but never say a word. A short conversation leaves them wondering what could have happened if they had exchanged phone numbers. These are reasons to post on Craigslist’s missed connections, a Web site for the lovelorn to reach out after that transient moment and see if the other felt the same way. But the officer from Washington’s finest who writes love notes instead of police reports? And the woman who just wanted a good conversation about the weather? Those aren’t missed connections—they’re missing the point.

Rocket Bar–m4w (Chinatown)
Date: 2010-06-21, 12:52AM EDT
This was a while ago, but we clicked.
We had a great conversation (after you tripped over my foot). You took my number and we hugged at the end of the night.
I texted you but no response.
Your name starts with B as a hint.
Wish we could meet up for coffee or lunch like we said 🙂

This post was obviously filed in the wrong place on Craigslist. It’s not so much a missed connection as it is an oblivious-to-being-blown-off disconnection.

You flagged me(police) down–m4w–40 (DC (SE))
Date: 2010-06-21, 6:40PM EDT
I was eating my lunch in my cruiser by the stadium. You flagged me down about a woman smacking her kids as she drove. She made it through the light & you were not sure what kind of car she drove. Honestly, I could barely pay attention to what you were saying. Your eyes were captivating and as an officer, I had never felt more like a victim. . . .of your beauty. If I call 911, will you rescue me?

It’s good to know that our boys in blue are more concerned with making love-struck wordplay than investigating child abuse.

21,168 Baseball fans–w4m–35 (National’s Bullpen, DC)
Date: 2010-06-23, 6:04PM EDT
Nationals vs. Kansas City violently interrupted by a sudden summer storm. With friends at the Bullpen, you tapped my Land Shark Larger with your Budweiser. On the Metro platform, instead of waving, I should have said, “Did you see that wicked storm?”

And thus was created Kelly’s number-one regret on her death bed.

Did I scare you off?–m4w (Workplace)
Date: 2010-06-23, 9:04PM EDT
Did you go elsewhere cuz I would constantly walk by your room to get a glimpse of you? Was it because I didn’t have the courage and confidence to talk to you much when we’d say hi? Was it because I would come in and blatantly try to woo you with goodies? Was it because I wasn’t attractive, charming, smart, wise, and funny? Was it anything I said or did? Is there anything I could do to make it up to you? The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable. Do these posts of mine make you feel uncomfortable? Why can’t I figure out what I need to do to get on your good side? Is it my inexperience? I just don’t know. I wish someone would show me how. . . . . .

Why ever would posts like this make someone feel uncomfortable? Also, self-loathing at its finest.

Handsome Sexy Jogger!–w4m (Stafford VA)
Date: 2010-06-24, 1:42PM EDT
I’ve seen you numerous times; jogging/walking along the same route I take (on the road and on the track) and each time I see you, I smile. You’re about 6’1 (maybe 6’3. . .ok. . .plain and simple, you’re tall!), short brown hair, sorda-kinda have side burns (not like “thick” side burns that bush out. . .lol), around 28-37 years old (give or take a few years; I’ve never stared at your face thinking, “I wonder what his age is.”) and you drive a silver “X” tra special suv. I know Craigslist is probably not the best method to utlize and I should just walk up to you and start jibber-jabbing but I’m at bit shy when it comes to the introduction part.
If this is “you” then tell me 2 things; what color shirt do you normally wear while jogging and what is the name of the road that I’ve seen you on?

This is gloriously specific—for some strange reason, I believe her when she says she would just start “jibber-jabbing.” I bet she knows the exact color of his shirt better than even he does.

Kentucky Latina–26 (Adams Morgan)
Date: 2010-06-25, 2:48AM EDT
We met about 2.5 yrs ago at Buffalo Billiards. Tell me more about the night!

There should be a statute of limitations on supposed missed connections.

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