Secrets of Longevity, Washington Bartenders Win Big Awards, and Dollar Fry Burgers: Eating and Reading

A tasty roundup of the best stuff we’re reading this week.

Will eating quinoa help you live longer? One Bolivian man says yes. Image via Shutterstock.

America Eats

At the Woodstock Fruit Festival, a gathering of fruitarians, Grub Street finds folks who snack on two dozen bananas in a day and say “litchi” instead of “cheese” when getting their photo snapped. [Grub Street] —Ann Limpert

Burger King will now sell you a French-fry-topped burger for a dollar. If that isn’t freedom, I don’t know what is. [NBC] —Sophie Gilbert

Read this, ye Bar Pilar bartender who gave me the evil eye for putting ketchup on my bacon butty, and weep. [Guardian] —SG

Life Support

The secret to a long life: quinoa, mushrooms, and coca leaves, according to a very old Bolivian man. This recipe subs in Coca-Cola. Close enough? [Esquire] —Jessica Voelker

The ever-classy and ethical Daily Caller has this story about how kids at a Kentucky school have told Michelle Obama that her healthy food tastes like “vomit.” You know what really tastes like vomit, kids? Hershey bars and a diabetes diagnosis. Also when did we let kids start making the rules? Eat your brown bread PBJ and stop complaining, ingrates. Also don’t read the comments on this story unless you want to lose all faith in humanity. [Daily Caller] —SG

Ralph Lauren Loaners

Think jacket policies for diners are a thing of a past? Not at these high-end stalwarts. Also, the truest sentence I’ve read all week: “Male armpit hair is not what anybody wants to see in a restaurant.” [New York Times] —Anna Spiegel

Navel Gazing

Next time you make/eat tortellini you can now feel vaguely nauseated by the fact that they were apparently designed to replicate the navel of Venus. [NPR] —SG

Making National Waves

This is what I like to see: Famed barman Jim Meehan lists his ten favorite new bars of 2013 and they include two Washington spots. [Eatocracy] —JV

North Dakota restaurant reviewer Marilyn Hagerty is making the rounds this week to promote her new, Anthony Bourdain-approved book. The Today show gave her a cronut, but Inside Edition upped the game and sent her to Le Cirque. [Eater] —AL

Occupational Hazards

Carpal tunnel syndrome, bone spurs, hernias, and other things pro chefs can look forward to after decades in the kitchen. [NYT] —AL

Notes From the End of Times

I’m glad this is getting reported, but also, like, are people surprised that packaging coffee in individual plastic pods produces a lot of trash? [East Bay Express] —JV

Whether you’re not drinking it or not swimming in it, life without water is awkward. [National Geographic] —AS