Thursday, January 9
POLITICS: It’s already time to talk about the mayoral election. Get informed super-early with a debate at Dumbarton House, featuring all the major declared candidates besides Vincent Gray, including Tommy Wells, Vincent Orange, Muriel Bowser, Jack Evans, Reta Jo Lewis, and Andy Shallal. Free. 6:30 PM.
COMEDY: Love learning but hate how boring and educational it is? Science Club has your answer with its new After Class comedy special. Local comedians will present on a certain topic. If I were you, I’d treat what you hear there the way most people treat Wikipedia—as the irrefutable truth. If you heard it through a microphone, it must be true. Free. 8:30 PM.
Friday, January 10
COMEDY: The Dunes brings back its Under the Counter comedy nights for the new year. The event features four local comics; house music from Jonathan Parker, who will keep things going between sets; and Margot MacDonald as the musical headliner. MacDonald is a Regina Spektor-esque singer/songwriter who uses pre-recorded loops and beats to make herself sound like a one-woman band. $8. 7 PM.
STORYTELLING: If you’ve been to any storytelling night, you’ll know that some are heartbreaking, some are hilarious, and some are cringeworthy. The folks at SpeakeasyDC have been keeping track of who has been most on point over the past year or so—the organization’s giant Top Shelf event at 9:30 Club features the best storytelling DC has to offer. Tickets ($22) are available online. 9:30 PM.
KARAOKE: Enjoy karaoke but not content with the usual ’80s love ballads and classic rock? Black Cat’s punk rock karaoke is the place for you, and gives you a place to practice slam-dancing during your friends’ songs. Proceeds benefit Ambassador Pit Bull Rescue. Tickets ($8) are available online. 9:30 PM.
Saturday, January 11
IMPROV: If you like your comedy unscripted, irreverent, and, most of all, free, you should check out Porkchop Volcano at Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse. The improv troupe is doing a series of shows at the theater, all for the low, low price of nothin’. Free. 9 PM.
VARIETY: The Capital City Arts Showcase is back for the new year with one of its biggest shows ever. It’ll feature five local comedians and two musicians. New year, same general deal (local artsy people performing their artsy things), same prices—what more could you ask for? Tickets ($10) are available online. 10 PM.
COMEDY: Lots of comedy this week, and not all of it is at night. If you like your jokes like you like your breakfast—in the afternoon—Wake & Bacon at Shaw’s Tavern is for you. Throw back a few mimosas and catch local comics tell some jokes as you nurse your hangover. $10 suggested donation. 2 PM.
DANCE: Deejays Will Eastman and Ozker do their best French impressions at U Street Music Hall’s dance night dedicated to Daft Punk and French house music. The robot-headed ones won’t actually be in attendance, but their music will be. Proceeds benefit the Josh Burdette Student Entertainment Events Memorial Scholarship. Tickets ($10) are available online. 10 PM.
Sunday, January 12
RIDE METRO: Most likely you generally enjoy wearing pants in public. But if you want to stick it to the man, or something, in the middle of winter, the No Pants Metro Ride is for you. The annual event, hosted by Capitol Improv, keeps growing in size and stays about the same as far as uselessness goes—it’s all just for fun. Meet at Hancock Park by L’Enfant Plaza, take off your pants, and ride the Metro to Dupont Circle for the pantsless after-party at Level One starting at 5, which is good, because that should barely give you enough time to get from L’Enfant to Dupont on a Sunday. Free. 2 PM.
JOKES: You know Rob Schneider from every Adam Sandler movie ever, and from starring roles in such classics as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and The Hot Chick. In any case, you have one last shot to catch his standup routine in an intimate local venue—he’s sold out every show at the DC Improv except for a late one Sunday night. Tickets ($35) are available online. 10:30 PM.
Know of something cool going on around town? E-mail Jason Koebler at email@example.com, or find him on Twitter.