AMC Loews’s Shirlington 7 movie theater in Arlington was one of only ten theaters around the country last weekend to screen United Passions, a movie about the history of FIFA and financed mostly by FIFA. Judging from the box-office numbers, it appears cinematic portrayals of soccer executives do not inspire the same fervor as a month of international fixtures. United Passions, which stars Tim Roth as now-defrocked FIFA President Sepp Blatter, made just $161 in Arlington over the weekend, according to the Hollywood Reporter. That figure translates to roughly 14 or 15 tickets to the movie, which one critic compared to excrement.
There might be a silver lining in that ugly total for area soccer die-hards: The $161 United Passions made in Arlington is more than one-quarter of its total US box-office haul of $607. Only a theater in Los Angeles raked in more ($3 more, but still).
But, hey, international soccer has had a rough go in the past couple weeks, with the Justice Department practically dismantling FIFA for its alleged lucre. If you’re one of the dozen or so Washington residents who actually saw United Passions, send us a 300-word review along with a photograph of your ticket stub. We’ll buy you a Bud Light Lime for your trouble.
Here’s the uncomfortable trailer for United Passions, which no amount of Bud Light Lime can help you un-see: