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Who Has the Best Butt on the Nationals?

Game 4's starting lineup, reviewed according to their posteriors.
(Photo by Mark Goldman/Icon Sportswire) (Icon Sportswire via AP Images)

For all its pleasures, baseball can get boring. There can be rain delays and stalemates. Sometimes you just lose interest after the sixth inning. But there’s one glorious thing about baseball that overshadows all those problems: The players wear baseball pants.

The Nationals may be struggling to stay in the playoffs, but there’s one area in which they’re champions: Their butts are beautiful. It’s been a lot of hard work, but we’ve studied various Nats’ rear ends and rated them for you on a scale of one to ten (peach emojis, of course).

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Trea Turner, the 24-year-old superstar shortstop, batted .284 in the regular season, but hasn’t gotten on base once in the playoffs. Turner has a dreamy face, but his butt falls a little short.

Booty Score: ??????

Jayson Werth might be cooling off as a batter, but he’s still got it where it counts (for this list, at least). The 38-year-old left fielder could have a booty score to match his age if the scale went that high. Like Harper, Werth has a bit of a bubble butt, and his hair adds some extra points.

Booty Score: ??????????

Jump for joy! Let's get it? #hummbabe

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Bryce Harper, our right-field beauty, is 24 with a season batting average of .319. Harper has the definition of a bubble butt, which looks extra bootylicious in baseball pants.

Booty Score: ????????

First baseman Ryan Zimmerman might be one of the few bright spots in the Nationals’ playoff lineup; the same can’t be said  for him in the butt department at age 33.

Booty Score: ????

Daniel Murphy led the Nationals in batting this season with a .322 average. He plays second base and is 32 years old. Murphy has a nice plump butt, but not too in-your-face, which boosts his booty score up a tad.

Booty Score: ???????

 

Anthony Rendon had a regular-season average of .301. He plays third base at the age of 27. Rendon’s butt is average but lovely.

Booty Score: ?????

 

Matt Wieters, the Nationals’ catcher, is 31 and has a little precious butt, but it’s not enough to give him a high score.

Booty Score: ???

Michael Taylor is 26 and plays center field. His postseason batting average is .250. Taylor hits at the end of the lineup, and his bum is unfortunately at the end of the ranking as well.

Booty Score: ?

Tanner Roark will try to save the season when he takes the mound Wednesday evening in Chicago. The 31-year-old rounds out our booty list with his own round butt.

Booty Score: ??

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Editorial Fellow

Halie joined Washingtonian as an editorial fellow in August 2017. Born and raised in central Pennsylvania, she is a senior at Penn State and working towards a degree in journalism. Previously, she worked at AccuWeather as a social media intern and as an editorial intern at Pennsylvania Business Central. Halie lives in Arlington.