A new survey threatens to dethrone Washington, DC’s carefully cultivated image as a bastion of over-groomed elitists knocking back Chardonnay at swanky dinner parties: According to research commissioned by a custom-printing company, DC residents are the most likely people in the US to: 1) pee in the shower; 2) pick our noses; 3) pee in swimming pools.
Now, you might glance at this survey and presume that Washingtonian is merely using it for a funny headline, and while that is true, the methodology for Quality Logo Products’ “America’s Vainest Cities” survey is more transparent than some polls we’ve seen.
Cleveland residents were the least likely people surveyed to pee in the shower, which sounds right for a consistently underrated and very fun city. Likewise, Miami seems like a nice place to refrain from booger harvesting, and if there’s anyone you don’t want peeing in a swimming pool, well, actually, that’s everyone, so thank you, Detroit, for being one of the wing nuts that holds civilization together. We should all—okay, DC, New York, and Vegas residents immediately—pledge to do better.
Perhaps there’s even a way to spin Washingtonians’ proficiency at peeing in the shower as environmentally friendly: There are those who believe it saves a lot of water. Maybe we are a bunch of elites after all!