Our intrepid reporter swiped through the Hinge profiles of 100 men in the District, almost all of whom identified as straight. What follows is a highly scientific and not at all arbitrary statistical look at the numbers. And, yes, these quotes are from actual profiles.
Average angle in degrees that DC men can be found gazing off into the distance, the White House or monuments winking in the backdrop.
“Believe it or not, I planted Michelle Obama’s okra on the South Lawn.”
The ratio of men who ran marathons to those who posted suggestive photographs with the Washington Monument.
“Best Travel Story: Running a boozy marathon outside Bordeaux in costume.”
Despite living in a city known for its polarization, this is the percentage of men who did not list a political affiliation.
“This year, I really want to learn to love paper straws.”
Percent of men who self-identified as liberal.
“I’m weirdly attracted to well-designed public policies.”
Mentions of the Metro.
“My love language is: 7000 series trains.”
What was the number one Hinge-generated prompt men chose to answer on their profile? “Best travel story.”
Although few qualified as stories: “Running down the side of a mountain at 5 AM in rural Spain to catch a bus” is not a story. Where are the plot twists? The character development? The exposition?
Percent of men who managed to communicate an alarming affinity for boats in the limited space allowed on Hinge.
“My ideal fake sick day: Try and sneak on a yacht.”
Of the 17 men who wore the iconic J. Crew men’s gingham shirt in their profile pictures, this is the percentage who chose the quintessential top in navy.
At this time we are also able to confirm a total of seven Warby Parker glasses sightings.
Number of profiles we went through to get to this, The Most DC Thing Ever:
“I’m weirdly attracted to future Presidents. Trying to be FGOTUS (First Gentleman of the United States). Free food, housing, and I could throw some killer parties while you run the country.”
Shockingly, the number of men pictured sweatily riding what appeared to be a horse in a DC monument.
Percent of profiles featuring Italian getaways.
That’s a conservative estimate. Make that 39 percent if we include the pictures of off-duty consultants gazing over their shoulders atop snow-capped mountains that for all we know could be the Italian Alps.
Percentage of men who included aerial shots of the District in their profiles.
Yep, you read that right. No person included. Just the organized street layout of DC as seen from the eyes of a bird. Can someone please explain this?