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Yes, it sounds crazy to say that one “liked” a funeral. Clearly, I wish I was not attending a funeral at all. But I surprised myself to find that the Zoom funeral experience was extremely moving and much better than I expected.
One of my closest friends lost her father to Covid-19. He died on April 1 at the age of 81 at St. Barnabus Hospital in Livingston, New Jersey. His life ended too early due to this terrible pandemic. He lived a full life and was very well-loved. I know this not due to a close relationship with him (I only had the pleasure of meeting him once or twice) but I know this because of his Zoom funeral. And while, it is no substitute for hugs and consolation of those grieving, it did its job well sharing love in another way. Here were a few of the silver linings as I saw them.
First, I could see and hear clearly. I am slightly hard of hearing and sometimes sitting in the back of a synagogue or church I miss words. Not on Zoom. It was clear as a bell. And rather than being 10 or 20 rows back, I could see the eulogizers. More importantly, I could see the expressions of love and grief on their faces. It touched me and moved me deeply.
Second, I could see the expressions of others, especially his beautiful wife of 43 years. She smiled and laughed as grandchildren told tales of their times with PaPa. I could see her eyes fill with tears as her daughter spoke of how much she loved her dad and how he took care of her mom when her mom was ill last year. I doubt anyone could have seen her face and not seen the love that written all over it. This was true of others, too. I saw couples hold hands, parents console children and people whose faces read “this person meant something to me.”
Third, I was able to attend. Would I have made it to New Jersey if it had been held there in ‘normal’ times? Maybe. But maybe not, depending on family, my own health, travel, etc.
And finally, there were a few things that only through at a virtual funeral could one easily do. My teenage kids are home distance learning like so many others. I pulled them out of “class” to hear the eulogies by my friend’s children, whom they know. They too could hear the love of the grandchildren and feel empathy at having lost two of their own. My oldest son made brownies later to take to their house (they are neighbors). Being of an age where many of my friends have lost parents, I have mentioned funerals I attended at the dinner table but this one my children felt. I was so happy that they could hear and see the eulogies of a life well lived. There was inspiration and advice which I hope they absorbed if only in part.
I will add in the minutiae of a Zoom funeral that the prayers appeared on the screen written out. No flipping through the Bible trying to find the right verse. I missed holding the Bible but didn’t miss my usual experience of being a verse or two behind by the time I found the right page.
I have lost both my parents. I share the pain and grief my dear friend suffers. I know the support and physical love I received from my family during this terrible time. My heart breaks for her and her family but I hope she felt the love through that screen. It was there and it was powerful.
Since 2006, Catherine Merrill has served as CEO and Owner of Washingtonian Media, parent company of the flagship Washingtonian—the capital region’s leading magazine for nearly six decades, with more than 400,000 readers and five National Magazine Awards. She also oversees Washingtonian.com, which attracts over 3 million monthly page views, and the brand’s social platforms, reaching more than one million followers. Under her leadership, the company has expanded with Washingtonian Weddings, the Washingtonian Welcome Guide, Washingtonian Events—producer of nationally recognized, award-winning events—and Washingtonian Custom Media, a full-service content marketing agency. She is proud to be certified as a women-owned small business.
From 2002 to 2007, Ms. Merrill served as Director of Operations for Affiliated Computer Services (ACS), where she helped manage and collect 60 percent of the nation’s tolls—$2.7 billion a year—including the majority of the E-ZPass network. From 1995 to 2002, she was a partner in the worldwide management consulting firm Oliver Wyman.
Ms. Merrill is deeply engaged in the community and currently serves on the boards of Cornell University; Ford’s Theatre; the Board of Visitors for the School of Journalism at the University of Maryland, College Park; Cornell University’s College of Arts and Sciences; and The Merrill Family Foundation. She is a founding member and serves on the Board of Advisors of the Fallen Journalists Memorial Foundation, and sits on the National Advisory Council for the Trust for the National Mall.Her past board service includes roles as a trustee of the University of Maryland, College Park; the City and Regional Magazine Association; and the Greater Washington Board of Trade.
Ms. Merrill is a member and former chapter chair of the Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), and remains active in the Economic Club of Washington and the Federal City Council.
Her media appearances include CNN, the Today show, FOX, MSNBC, and various Washington, D.C. area news outlets.
