Fast (and Future) Foods
For the first time ever, the French are spending more on fast food than they are on restaurant meals. As Robespierre once said, vive la . . . Big Mac? [Seattle Times] —Sophie Gilbert
In the immortal words of the Flaming Lips: “Suddenly, everything has changed.” Shake Shack debuts crinkle-free, fresh-cut fries. [Grub Street] —Jessica Voelker
If you spent almost half a million dollars on a burger and it tasted like soy and stem cells, you’d probably be underwhelmed, too. [Guardian] —SG
Taco Bell is rolling out its waffle breakfast taco. This is why you are fat, America. [Time] —SG
Booze News
“You can sort of imagine Homer Simpson saying it.” The Hanson brothers on their new, incredibly named beer, Mmmhops. [Grub Street] —Tanya Pai
Think you should boycott Stoli? BYT begs to differ—with gifs. [BYT] —JV
The next hot new restaurant trend: water sommeliers? A Los Angeles restaurant tests the waters (har har) with a 20-bottle H2O menu and a guide who helps you navigate the difference between Evian and Voss. [Eater] —Anna Spiegel
Helpful Roundups
Another day, another list. The 33 best pizzas in America, and DC has one of them. [Thrillist] —Chris Campbell
The 14th Street restaurant boom is so last month. Here’s what’s planned a few blocks east in Shaw. [Washington Post] —Marisa Kashino
Knockoffs (Or Shall We Say, Inspirations?)
Swimsuit model and lover of Twitter conflict Chrissy Teigen is apparently about to become the “Padma of snacks.” Because no one knows snacking better than a woman whose job it is to look good in a bikini. [Huffington Post] —SG
Not surprised: Cookie Monster’s rendition of a hit song is better than the original. [YouTube] —CC
Just like DVDs and Louis Vuitton handbags, cronuts are now being pirated in Asia. [Wall Street Journal] —SG
The Toast rounds up alternatives to the Paleo diet. Our favorite: the Alpo regimen, because “have you ever seen a dog that is uncomfortable in its tankini?” [The Toast] —TP
No Pun Intended
Maybe Derek Brown should consider naming his mezcal-themed Mockingbird Hill off-shoot “Tequila Mockingbird.” Or not. That and 30 more restaurant names that are dubious (at best). [BuzzFeed] —AS
Candy meth, Los Pollos Hermanos chicken, and more foods inspired by Breaking Bad. [Flavorwire] —TP
Culinary Collaborations
Psst, Bon App and Wired totally did it. [AdWeek] —JV
Talk About a Target Audience
A Houston restaurant has banned kids under 8 after 7 PM. Interesting that the place also happens to look like a dollhouse. Maybe a decor change is in order if keeping the kiddies away is a priority? [ABC News] —MK
Move over, Match.com: New website Gluten Free Singles helps folks with celiac disease find love with similarly allergied people. [BetaBeat] —TP
AC/DC
Washingtonians are admitted pho-aholics, but you can get a delicious bowl in a lesser-known Vietnamese hotspot: Atlantic City. [New York Times] —AS
