“Ask a Groom” Chat with The Reluctant Groomzilla, Friday, March 28 at 11 AM

The Reluctant Groomzilla, otherwise known as Josh, blogs every Wednesday for Washingtonian.com about planning his Washington wedding. Read his blog entries here.

Thanks to everyone who submitted questions, and good luck to you all on your wedding activities. 

Remember, being a guy who's involved with your own wedding just means you have good taste and don't let your friends tell you otherwise!  


If you have any more questions please submit them in comments since it is a lot easier to answer questions than to be creative and come up with a new post every week! 

So have you and your fiance split up the duties for wedding planning? What do you get to plan?
Basically we are pretty much both involved with everything.
I am really not into the invitations (I would use evite) and the flowers are really more her thing, but pretty much everything else we are both involved in.

We are not your typical couple so your mileage may seriously vary!

You are too funny. Do you have any brothers?
I do have one younger brother but he lives outside of Phoenix. He and I are really close but we are completely different people. He is a firefighter, drives a truck, owns an ATV. I work in sales, drive a fuel efficient car, and own more shoes than I need.

He is a pretty funny guy and is single, so if you REALLY want to…

Washington, DC
So I'm going to propose to my girlfriend sometime this year and we have talked in theory about the ring. What she likes is somewhat different than mine. Did you two talk about the ring and how did you decide what to buy?

Here are my thoughts on that… you are spending major cash on this thing but ultimately she is the one that is going to wear it so get her what she likes. not only did we talk about it but she was there when we picked out the band. This was a good thing since I showed her the one I would have bought her if I had done it on my own and she said would not have liked it. Of course, it all depends on your situation. If she is the kind of girl that dreams about a surprise proposal then keep that in mind.

Also, most good jewelry stores will allow you to return a ring and get another one if she doesn't like it. In fact I wouldn't buy a ring from one that didn't.  

Washington, DC

Hi, Josh! Is your fiancee letting you see her dress? I'm keeping mine a secret and my guy wants to see it and I want him to know that it's not that weird to want to wait until the ceremony. 

No, she is not letting me see the dress and in fact I think the nuclear launch codes are less tightly guarded! In fact I have been asked to leave the room at certain times so she could talk about it with other people. We are doing photos before the ceremony so I will see her in it then, but basically it is all a big surprise. I guess when you have been together as long as we have you hold on to the few that are left!
Washington DC
Is your dog going to play a role in the ceremony at all? Ring bearer?
As much as we would love to have him do something in the ceremony that would be a recipe for disaster! He is a beagle/basset mix, which means he is basically 4 legs and a nose, and like most men only has enough blood to have one organ functioning at a time. This means that when he smells something interesting, which is most of the time, he will ignore everything else until he sniffs it out. We are also doing the ceremony outdoors, so I now have hilarious visions of him hauling after a squirrel or some other imagined scent with the rings around him.

My fiancee also has two young nieces so they will be filling that role.

more and more guys seem more and more comfortable in getting excited about and planning their own weddings. any idea why this is? why are you so into it?
Well I am not sure I can speak for all guys but I am into it because I am a flaming metrosexual!!!

Seriously… for me it is a few things…

1. I am definitely a planner and love to entertain. I am the guy who organizes group trips, vacations etc.
2. I work in the hotel industry and spent lots of time around events including weddings etc, so when it comes to working with vendors, hotels, etc it is sort of second nature to me.
3. My fiancee never grew up with a "dream" wedding in mind so she gives me lots of room to have my own ideas.
4. Both my fiancee and I are "A type" personalities but we have learned how to integrate each others ideas so we both get our way.

As for the male population in general, I blame Queer Eye!

Please consider video taping your ceremony and putting it up on Washingtonian.com so we can continue to live vicariously through your hilarious wedding experiences! What do you think?
We do have a videographer so there will be a video… I will check with the boss and see what she says…
Washington, DC
Have you and your fiance thought about doing one of those crazy first dance routines? Like the one on YouTube where they start dancing to Baby Got Back?
I don't think we are going to do anything crazy like that, but we were talking about it and we were definitely going to do something that was not totally traditional. No Sinatra or anything like that. We were actually thinking of this one Bob Marley song. it doesn't help that I am terrible dancer (especially when I am sober) and I have refused to take dance lessons, although that would make a great post, so anything that I don't have to worry about complicated steps is good.
Washington, DC
You've never talked about wedding food! Have you picked the menu yet? Any disagreement on that?
Food is going to be huge….
Both my fiancee are really into good food (I hate the term foodie, though, since it sounds so pretentious) and we are going to put a lot of time and thought into it.

We have lots of ideas and had a preliminary meeting with the chef, but since the wedding isn't until October the tasting will be in August or thereabouts.

We are doing plated, not buffet, and we are definitely going to try to make it unique. The chef had a really cool idea for a trio appetizer and I think we are going to do a dessert buffet as well as cake. The wedding is close to Halloween and that is both of our favorite holiday so we may do some sort of upscale Halloween candy. I am pushing for a "blood" fountain and carved pumpkins but so far those have been shot down!!

We are also doing the cocktail hour in two separate rooms so we are thinking of doing a different food/drink  and decor theme in each of those. I grew up in the Caribbean and she grew up in Israel so we are thinking Caribbean in one and Mediterranean in the other.

We are also going to try to do some fun and creative things with how the dishes are plated and served. In the end it is all about the quality of the food but the venue has some really neat plates and serving pieces that are way cooler than plain white.

Hmm, I probably don't want to move to Phoenix. Thanks though!
Yeah, too hot in the summer… I have been trying to get him to move East, but no luck. Maybe you should hang out in comedy clubs more often if you are really looking for a funny guy 😉
Will you please have your fiancee do a guest post in your blog?

Oh she has been dying to do a rebuttal posting and I may let her one of these days!! 

I was giving our wedding planner a hard time the other day that since she is making this process so easy I am starting to run out of funny things to write about since the best humor always comes from pain and suffering!

 Anyway, I was definitely thinking about having "guest" blogs to help when I am fresh out of ideas. 

What has been the best part of wedding planning?
The best part of the planning?
Free food!

Seriously… every time we have been to meet with the hotel or a vendor they have bought lunch, coffee, whatever! The band invited us to an event they were playing at (a corporate holiday party) and then told us to go get drinks and food!

Really, the fun part has been working with my fiancee on creating an event that both our guests and we will remember forever. We have been to a lot of forgettable weddings, and that is what is driving us. We want to do something that will be unique and special, not just for us but for our guests as well.

How'd you meet your fiance? How did you propose?

I met my fiancee when I was trying to pick up guys!

 Actually it was at one of my fraternity's rush events. We decided that the winning strategy to get guys to come to rush events was to get women to come to them, sort of like club promotion. She came with a friend, our eyes met across the room, and baam the rest is history. 

As for the proposal, I posted on that a little while back so you can read all about it there!  

Washington, DC
Hey Josh, I need some advice on bachelor parties because I'm throwing one for my best friend and it has to rock. There will be about 15 guys coming and we're in our mid-20s. I want it to be original and, though we've all decided we're willing to spend some cash, I don't want it to be too pricey. Any ideas?
Well I am doing mine in Las Vegas, and despite having lived in DC for 13 years have never done a bachelor party here but here are my thoughts…

1. First question you have to ask and answer honestly is adult entertainment. Will you indulge? Will you go to a venue or have them come to you? This can be a significant portion of the cost so I would work this out go from there. Keep in mind that the bachelor party is as much for the friends as it is for the bachelor, but if he is really uncomfortable with something then respect his wishes.
2. the best bachelor parties I have been to have been weekend long affairs that involved activities other than drinking. In Vegas I have done go-kart racing, race car driving school, and The Gun Store (you get to fire fully automatic weapons). Go for something that the majority of the group would be into. If half of the guys hate golf and the bachelor loves it then that is probably not a great idea unless they just want to drive the beer cart! Around DC I can think of paintball, whitewater rafting or tubing depending on the time of year. There is also a driving school but I think it is up in PA somewhere. You could also do something like the Grooming Lounge and all get straight razor shaves or something.
3. Night of the event – don't skimp on transportation. For that size get one or even two vehicles. Trust me, you don't want to deal with cabs and please don't try to drive yourself!
4. Make sure at least one person stays somewhat sober. Herding 14 drunk guys is like herding cats, almost impossible.
5. If possible make sure the group includes a lawyer!