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Angry Reviews of DC Landmarks: The J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building

"Scary building with strange energy..."
Photograph by Flickr user Thomas Recke.

An occasional series of unfortunate experiences at well-known sites around DC.

J. Edgar Hoover may have been the king of the blacklist, but his legacy building at 935 Pennsylvania Avenue has its own army of enemies: online reviewers. The building has a long history of architectural failure, from being declared the “World’s Ugliest Building Worth Visiting” to having to install actual netting so that pedestrians aren’t killed by the chunks of concrete that come whizzing off it from time to time. Here’s why the FBI Building should just go die, from the folks who put the word “brutal” in Brutalist:

1. It’s missing out on all the casting calls for Bad Guy Lair #5.

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2. Congress hasn’t yet approved funding for ghostbusters.

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3. For a building whose purpose is to house people who work with cameras and police cars, it sure has a lot of cameras and police cars.

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4. On all those days when no crime happens, people just go home. Lazy!

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5. It spontaneously combusted his wallet, but not his heart.

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7. Or itself.

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8. Its pizza operation is sub-par.

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9. It’s also bad at email. But it doesn’t even have the funds to stop itself from literally shedding blocks of concrete, so email can wait.

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