News & Politics

Food Money Sex: The Semi-Employed Newlywed

The weekend consumption diary for a random Washingtonian.

In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. On Mondays, we put it on the internet. This week:

  • Does: “Fun-employed” publicist and freelancer,  27
  • Lives: Mt. Vernon Triangle with my husband and our cat
  • Is: Female
  • Makes: $1,200/month
  • Married? Yes (newly)
  • Friday:
    Started with a giant mug of green tea and a handful of Cheez-Its, because TGIF am I right? I spent the day working so I had the four-salad combo from Glenn’s Garden Market in Dupont ($10) at my laptop for lunch. From there, I grabbed a nitro cold brew from Kramerbooks ($4). I made gnocchi in a fennel sausage ragu for dinner and headed to my Italian friend’s house to drink some wine she’d brought back from Italy, smoke some pot, and eat late-night po’boys courtesy of an UberEats $30 promo code.
  • Saturday:
    Saturday was Howard Homecoming, and as a proud alum, my afternoon was spent tailgating. I started the morning with last night’s gnocchi, which was better the second time around. I met my girlfriend for lunch at Half Smoke and grabbed a classic half-smoke with chili and sauerkraut and Dijon and split a basket of tots and a cocktail flight ($20 total for my share). This place is my new obsession: decent prices, great food, open late, quality cocktails ON TAP. I grabbed two tall boy Modelos from the corner store ($5.50) and headed to Howard for tailgate. My girlfriends and I drank beers and snagged shots of bourbon from poor, unsuspecting students who didn’t realize how old and married we are (what can I say, black don’t crack?). Drunkenly grabbed a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s (courtesy of my friend) on Georgia Ave. before power napping and reconnecting with my husband at home. My husband got me a sandwich from DC Reynolds later, but it was disgusting (a term I rarely use to describe food) so I didn’t eat it.
  • Sunday:
    Breakfast was a tall latte and pumpkin bread ($6) from Starbucks. We’re heading to a potluck tonight to finish off the rest of my Italian friend’s wine, so I stop by the Italian grocery near Union Market and pick up $60 worth of prosciutto, mortadella, and ingredients for lasagna. I come home to my husband and a few surprise guests–a couple we hang out with a lot. The four of us drink a few beers and smoke pot while the guys play music, my girlfriend plays with our cat, and I build my lasagna. The day is too nice to be inside, so we go for a walk to La Colombe in Blagden Alley, where my husband buys me a juice ($4.75). At the potluck, in addition to the lasagna and cold cuts, I have bruschetta, grilled romaine caesar salad, meatballs in marinara, and cannoli! I go home feeling incredibly stuffed.
  • I gave my husband $500 toward our rent.
  • $109.75 on food and drinks
  • $30 on Ubers

    Total: $639.75

All of the sex stuff I did was with my husband. Because, you know, marriage. But he’s my favorite person in the world to have sex with, which is one of the reasons I married him. Had to lock that shit down.
  • Friday he went to a work happy hour so by the time I got home from hanging out with my Italian friend, he was already asleep.
  • Saturday started with an early morning quickie before he headed out to record music.
  • Saturday night, after partying with some friends, we came home and things got weirder than usual. Let’s just say there was a lot of Trader Joe’s coconut oil, tea-bagging, and untraditional positions involved. It was a bit of a marathon, and I feel bad because I’m sure our neighbors heard EVERYTHING. But I woke up the next morning feeling happy and sore (the good type of sore you feel after a night of incredible sex).
  • Sunday I was tired and my husband stayed up to watch the Seahawks game so I went to bed early without him.

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