Washingtonian used to run a feature called “Food Money Sex,” which we’ve started, restarted, and abandoned several times. Why? Who can keep track of stuff like that! Perhaps, like its subject matter, it got to be too much work? Anyway, for this Valentine’s Day, we salute some memorable moments from the feature’s last and possibly best era: The Mimi Montgomery years, which ended in early 2021. This post will attempt to honor the series in a way that echoes the way I would always read FMS: Enjoy the headline, then skip ahead to the last section.
Feud sex
“After wine at Agora, wine and champagne at the holiday party, and the final cocktail at the Eastern, plus an easy-to-remove, one-piece outfit, we return to my place where we have an ongoing sex feud to fulfill. I’ll explain: my neighbor’s bedroom and my bedroom share a wall, therefore I often hear the chorus of moans from her and her gentleman friend during intercourse.”
—from “Work Holiday Parties and Post-Sex Baked & Wired Cupcakes,” January 2020
Drug sex
“We’ve sobered up from the mall, and take another edible. She asks what our plan is as we get out of the car. I tell her we’re going to go have sex and then put on our new fancy clothes and go have dinner.”
—from “A Married Couple Who Leave the Kids With the Grandparents and Take a Ton of Edibles,” April 2021
“[W]e had serious post-mushroom sex (mushrooms make me incredibly lusty) while enjoying the charcuterie platter.”
—from “A 50-Year-Old Who Hides Beer in Her Tumbler During Video Calls, Takes Shrooms With Her Boyfriend, and Watches Tiger King,” April 2020
“That sounds exhausting” sex
“Guy B goes home stupidly early. After another hour or so of sleep, I go slip into Guy A’s room. When he feels me get into bed, it’s game on.”
—from “The 23-Year-Old Who’s Dating Two Guys at Once and Trying to Cut Back on Her Spending,” February 2020
Food Money Sex sex
“We power through it, partially because I want to have something in the Friday section of this article for Sex. ”
—from “A Journalist Who Writes Erotica, Plays Dungeons & Dragons, and Has a Pregnancy Scare With His Girlfriend,” March 2020
Andrew Beaujon joined Washingtonian in late 2014. He was previously with the Poynter Institute, TBD.com, and Washington City Paper. He lives in Del Ray.
