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Food Money Sex: Dry Humping The Ex

The weekend consumption diary for a random Washingtonian.
In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. On Mondays, we put it on the internet. This week:
  • Does: Sales, 24
  • Lives: Apartment in Shaw with roommates
  • Is: Female
  • Makes: $90,000
  • Married? Recently single
Food:
  • Friday: On Friday, I was supposed to have a morning client meeting, so I slept in, had some fruit that was in my fridge, and got ready. In typical fashion, the client had to reschedule last minute. While frustrated, that meant that I could get to work a little later than usual. I walked over to Compass Coffee, got myself a cold brew, and Ubered to work. Realizing that I had a frozen pizza for dinner the night before, I had the Harvest Bowl from Sweetgreen for lunch, and since I’m still a child, also a bag of Pirate’s Booty (free from work, so…that’s fine, right?). After work, I met up with one of my closest friends for $1 Miller Lites at the Bottom Line. I didn’t pay for any of my beers there (holla) and then we ventured over to Free State for a couple of better beers—Nanticoke Nectars. The main event for the night was watching Lady Gaga’s documentary on Netflix—which was fantastic, by the way. In a semi-tipsy state, I ended up consuming a shit ton of baked ziti, sour cream and onion chips, and some sauvignon blanc. The pinnacle of health = me. In a twist of events, I got a call from my ex as I was coming home late Friday night. Naturally, I picked up the phone and he came over and we had an extremely emotional and dramatic reunion.
  • Saturday: He slept over and we got lunch on Saturday at Chicken & Whiskey. We split a whole chicken because I’m convinced I have the metabolism of Michael Phelps and then grabbed boots at Dacha. After spending the day with him (and re-thinking everything that has transpired in the past 12 hours), I met up with a few of my friends on H Street. We grabbed a couple of avocado basil plates at FarmBird and got liter beers at Biergarten Haus. Before I turned in for the night, we got a little high from some weed that my ex gave me that day.
  • Sunday: Sunday morning rolls around and my friends from last night and I went to Maketto for brunch. It was incredible—leek bao, pork gyoza, wok fried rice noodles with mushrooms—fuck me up. An iced coffee from Wydown was also waiting for me as I arrived to brunch. Exhausted from the entire weekend, I went back to my place to take a nap before I had to teach yoga later that night. I biked over to the studio, taught my class, and then bought tea and frozen veggie dumplings from Trader Joe’s before heading home. Clearly, a big variety in diet today.
Money:
  • Friday: Fruit: $6.01, Compass Coffee, $4.89, Uber to work: $4.49, Deodorant: $11.65 for a twin pack, Sweetgreen: $1.89 (had that solid $9 reward), Gift for a friend: $20.30, Pizza Halloween costume: $25.53, drinks at Free State: $16.00, share of an Uberpool: $2.08, Share of dinner and wine: $20.75, Uber home: $8.17.
  • Saturday: Boots at Dacha (+ tip): $40, Gel manicure, $35, CVS stuff: $7.87, Farmbird: $10.29, Liter at Biergarten Haus: $18, Uber home: $7.95.
  • Sunday: Brunch at Maketto: $23.07, Uber: $4.49, Trader Joe’s: $6.23, Uber: $4.49.
  • Total: $279.15
Sex:
  • Friday: A series of long, dramatic, hugs and embraces with aforementioned ex.
  • Saturday: Prolonged the sexual tension with some dry humping in the morning with sex to follow. It was very tender, as if we missed each other or something.
  • Sunday: Lots of self reflection. Turns out, after this entire episode, he’s back on his same bullshit. So I think we need to cut things off for real this time. Appreciate the gifted ganj, though. That was clutch.

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