News & Politics

Food Money Sex: Baking Bread and Creeping on an OkCupid Match IRL

The weekend consumption diary for a random Washingtonian.

In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. On Mondays, we put it on the internet. This week:
  • Does: Senior Designer, 30
  • Lives: Tysons, solo
  • Is: Male
  • Makes: $68,000
  • Married? Nope
  • Friday: They brought in Latin pastries for breakfast, some kind of empanada, but more like croissants filled with chicken tinga and chicken mole. I had one of each and 4 cups of coffee by lunch time. The Lavazza K-cups are a touch weak so I pour 6 oz cups instead of 8oz. Thrilled because there is a vat of leftover Taco Bamba from the “Lunch & Learn” (don’t waste my time with those), I assemble a few carnitas tacos for my lunch. We have a happy hour around 4:30 to celebrate the September birthdays. I ate a handful of Fritos and two beers before heading out. For dinner I make salmon in parchment with carrots/leeks in a mustard, white wine, crème fraîche, and dill sauce, and finish a can of Pinot Gris with dinner. My downstairs neighbor messages me to join her for a beer. I mix my dough and let it autolyse and went downstairs, had two cans of beer and a cigarette on her patio. Return upstairs to mix in the salt and levain and begin the bulk ferment. Ground and brewed a cup of coffee then poured some whisky over ice and smoked a maduro on my balcony, going back inside every half hour to fold and turn the dough and top off my glass. I get some reading done in between (Meet Me in the Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman) and listened to adult contemporary music over the stereo (Banks, FKA Twigs, Blood Orange). Two hours later, the dough has had enough fold and turns, I steam two Trader Ming’s Char Shiu Baos to eat, and finish an episode of Poirot before going to bed.
  • Saturday: Brewed a cup of coffee and ate the last of some olive oil cake I made the other night, then shaped my sourdough and preheated the oven for the bake. The dough had slightly over proofed but not the end of the world. Brewed another cup of coffee while the bread baked in the oven, and edited my grocery list on Google sheets. Headed out to run errands/groceries after I pulled the bread from the oven. Returned home later and made Karahi Gosht to pack for my lunches during the week, made a salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, and mint for lunch. Found a bag of Brussels sprouts in the crisper that I had forgotten about. They smelled fine so I ate those later for dinner, blackened in the skillet and tossed in oil with garlic, anchovies, chilies and honey. I slowly tidy up my kitchen, brew another coffee and make some toast with the fresh bread, with butter and radish, before taking a shower. I have a beer and a cigarette on the balcony then head out. Windows down with late period Lana Del Rey and driving down GW Parkway always pairs well. I peer inside Maxwell for a seat at the bar, and walk past Columbia Room and there’s a few people in queue outside. I step inside All Purpose and order a Lambrusco at the bar. I notice the couple beside me at the bar, I’m 90 percent sure we had an exchange on OkCupid some months back, but nothing came of it. They are drinking a decent bottle of Pinot, and he is waxing on, dropping all the usual clichés about “terroir” and a “wine’s sense of place.” I open the app on my phone to verify it’s her: She has the same nose piercing and the same bob, but is she really 6 feet tall? She was more tan than in her picture, more attractive in person than expected. The bright lighting inside was bothering me and they were gradually closing up shop. I paid my tab and left for Showtime. I have a shot of Fernet and a couple Tecates while there. I was solicited for and offered cigarettes. It didn’t take two minutes before someone mentions the Seth Rich tragedy. We re-litigate the 2016 Democratic Primary and discuss the efficacy of antifa. Meanwhile, this dude who was hitting on these girls inside earlier had crossed the bouncer and got kicked out, but kept lingering, so the cops came and picked him up. He’s shouting “I was in the Peace Corps in Namibia…What have you done…” or whatever while he gets cuffed and shoved in the wagon. I headed home, with Sade’s Love Deluxe for the drive back. I stop at 7-11 on the way, they are out of taquitos; sad. Got two cans of Foco Juco de Coco and steamed 8 or so Trader Joe’s Pork Gyoza when I got home.
  • Sunday: Fried eggs and a steamed Trader Jose’s green chile and cheese tamale, all doused in Valentina, for breakfast with coffee. Brewed a second cup of coffee to ensure bowel movement. Suited up for a bike ride, about 30 miles, from Tysons to Shirlington, through Gravelly point and up the Mt. Vernon trail along the Potomac, looping back from Rosslyn, with a pit stop at Northside Social in Clarendon for iced tea. Three Nuun Energy tablets dissolved in 48 oz of water, and 4 Clif Shot Blocks for the duration of the ride. Steamed another tamale when I got home. Headed over to my friend’s rooftop later in the afternoon, I brought over cans of Gose and rosé and Pamplemousse LaCroix, made spritzers with those and drank those poolside. We grilled tuna, broccolini, and garlic bread for dinner and drank half a bottle of champagne, then headed to 9:30 for a show. We stopped on the way at Grand Cata wine shop, and at Right Proper for a round of beer (Blanc Slate). The crowd was eclectic at the Badbadnotgood show at 9:30 Club, but there was a preponderance of man buns. I got us a round of Narragansett, then I switched over to water. 70 minutes of improvisational jazz was plenty, so we headed out. My friend thought he spotted his ex and her dealer up above in the balcony. Walking back we spotted a millennial pink veiny penis water bottle sitting on a bench outside of Glen’s Garden Market, I grabbed it for some future to be determined purpose. We stopped in at Maxwell and shared a half bottle of JL Chave Crozes-Hermitage at the bar. There was some dude with with a notepad spouting off blind tasting notes; his date did not look entertained. A young woman asks me where I got my top, I tell her it’s vintage Nike. She says she came to DC from Salt Lake City with her husband he is a German immigrant and she is half Native American (he was not at the bar) and they are here in DC for their honeymoon because they “love the Constitution.” She starts sniffing the other guy’s wine glass next to her. We finish our wine and head home, Mulatu Astatke on the ride back.
  • Friday: Adidas boxer briefs ($21.16) at Nordstrom Rack.
  • Saturday: Whole Foods ($20.12), Trader Joe’s ($11.93), Plaza Latina ($11.10), Giant — Miller Lite ($20.13), All Purpose — glass of wine ($14.00), Showtime — 2 beers, 1 shot ($18.00)
  • Sunday: Northside Social — iced tea ($3.13), Right Proper — 2 beers ($13.00), Grand Cata — Birichino Malvasia Bianca ($24.18), 9:30 Club — 2 beers ($17.00), Maxwell — half bottle of wine ($36.00)
  • Total: $209.75
  • Friday-Saturday: Daily masturbation. Tried to find the link of the porn video Ted Cruz liked on twitter, but no luck.

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