Veep has excelled at this season is timeliness, from its North Korea plot points to its
Rain Man/Nate Silver-esque numbers guys. In last night’s episode, “The Vic Allen Dinner,”
Selina went to a charitable dinner not entirely unlike last week’s White House Correspondents’
Association dinner where there were no awkward celebrity appearances but attendees
were expected to do enormously uncomfortable things to entertain the crowd. Initially
she was going to sing a song written by Mike and Dan, but after Kent ruined her week
she targeted him instead with a catchy ditty called “50 Ways to Win in Denver.” So
it wasn’t quite Obama singing Al Green, but we’ll give her points for trying.
Reddit and Tumblr: “Take these meaningless syllables with you and just get out!” screeches Selina at
Jonah after the team analyzes Selina’s new viral online presence as a meme. The flattering
situation room picture was scrapped because POTUS thought he looked jowly, so now
the world thinks Selina stares at her BlackBerry during very important hostage rescue
missions, or at the crucifixion of Christ, or at the 2004 tsunami, but on the plus
side, it’s very Texts from Hillary.
Observational skills: Dan may be a lot of things (and a douchebag is one of them), but he doesn’t miss
a trick, noticing Sue’s high neckline, flats, and Corner Bakery coffee cup and deducing
she’s been to one of the K Street lobbying shops on a job interview. Sue is faintly
terrifying this season, so good luck to whoever decides to lure her away.
Parenting: “Who the hell was religious as a teenager? Smoke some weed, for chrissakes.”
Beatboxing: Chung is back, and he’s surprisingly good at beatboxing, or as Selina puts it, “just
DC Coast/Gary: You know what happens to most executive branch staffers who hate their low-paid jobs?
Nothing. No one takes them out to lunch, no one offers them a raise, and no one gifts
them a new man bag with hundreds of inside pockets to store their boss’s eye drops
and Tampax. They just keep going to work every day and stifle their misery with cheap
vodka and Lexapro. So you win, Gary—and so do you, DC Coast, for getting free advertising.
Jonah: My heart breaks for poor, gangly Jonah this season, or as Selina calls him, “jolly
green jizz face.” He has no friends, nothing to do (which is why he hides each day
in what looks like an office supply closet), and no parking space for his recently
leased Nissan Cube after Selina lashed out at him for uploading her “50 Ways to Win
in Denver” song to “Tumble.” Also he got kicked off Air Force Two and had to walk
down a windy runway, alone while Dan and Amy discuss whether they should put him on
suicide watch . . . to make sure he succeeds.
Diabetes: “He’s sugary. He’s not sugary enough.”
Paul Simon: “Say you’ll cut tax, Max. Kiss a fat baby, Amy. Don’t be European, Ian. Say you’ll
screw France, Lance. Subsidize a bus, Gus. Not too much sex, Rex.”
Rhyming: See above. Although things did look up when Mike managed to rhyme “majority” with
“priority,” “authority,” and “sorority.”
Mike: Selina sold him out for a quick junket to Helsinki faster than you can say “Rodgers
and Hammershit.” Also he’s the communications director for the Vice President and
he thinks you can delete things from the Internet.
Pecorino: Never has a hard sheep’s milk cheese had a worse public face than the ghastly and
“How did this get out there? Can we delete it off the Internet then? No, I don’t know
what I’m talking about.” (Mike)
“She was multitasking. It’s a thing women can do, like smelling nice and wrapping
gifts.” (Mike again)
“You need to date, Amy. Find yourself a political nerd who also showers.” (Sue)
“Actually, the mafia involvement in the dairy industry is minimal.” (Dana)
“I gotta cut this lunch short, but you’re gonna have your bag forever, so what the
“I’m not a hick! Screw you, Depardieu.” (Selina)