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DC Double-Booked: Dane Cook and Russell Brand On One Night

Two equally outrageous comics perform in different venues on the same night. Here’s how to tell them apart.

Photograph of Brand courtesy of Warner Theatre. Photograph of Cook by Jason Merritt/Getty Images.

Russell Brand

Age: 38.

Nationality: British.

In a nutshell: Profound but self-destructive loudmouth.

Love life: Was married to Katy Perry.

Movies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Get Him to the Greek; Arthur.

Brand on Brand: “If you strip away self-effacement, charm, and the spirit of mischief—qualities that make determination and ambition tolerable—you’re left with a right arsehole.”

Others on Brand: “[He] is blessed with the accent of an orphan, the mind of a teenage boy and the vocabulary of an Oxford don” (Time). “Everything he says is controversial” (the Guardian).

Standup sound bite: “If teenyboppers were exposed to heroin . . . perhaps we would be spared their awful music.”

Questionable moves: Dressed up as Osama bin Laden the day after 9/11. Once called then-President George W. Bush a “retarded cowboy fella.” Reportedly told Katy Perry he wanted a divorce via text message.

Twitter followers: More than 6.5 million.

Tweets about: Politics; stories he contributes to the Guardian; national security; how governments could tackle drug addiction.

Brand is at the Warner Theatre September 12; tickets ($35 to $45) at 800-745-3000 or

Dane Cook

Age: 41.

Nationality: American.

In a Nutshell: Obnoxious frat boy.

Love life: Has reportedly dated Jessica Simpson and Julianne Hough.

Movies: Employee of the Month; Good Luck Chuck; Dan in Real Life.

Cook on Cook: “I’m pretty low-key when I’m not onstage. . . . People created an identity to fortify their belief that I’m not funny.”

Others on Cook: “A narcissist who has lost all touch with humility and quite possibly humanity” (the A.V. Club). “The world’s worst successful comedian” (the Atlantic Wire).

Standup sound bite: “When you see someone walking down the street in a Superman T-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest and, when they start to bleed, go, ‘I guess not!’ ”

Questionable moves: Refused to let his performance at a fundraiser for Boston Marathon bombing victims be live-streamed with the rest of the show. Was forced to apologize for what he dubbed a “bad judgment call” after joking about the 2012 shootings in Aurora, Colorado.

Twitter followers: More than 3 million.

Tweets about: Himself; where to buy tickets to his upcoming tour; his one-night stands.

Cook is at DAR Constitution Hall September 12; tickets ($39.50 to $55) at 202-397-7328 or

This article appears in the September 2013 issue of The Washingtonian.