In a nutshell: Profound but self-destructive loudmouth.
Love life: Was married to Katy Perry.
Movies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Get Him to the Greek; Arthur.
Brand on Brand: “If you strip away self-effacement, charm, and the spirit of mischief—qualities that make determination and ambition tolerable—you’re left with a right arsehole.”
Others on Brand: “[He] is blessed with the accent of an orphan, the mind of a teenage boy and the vocabulary of an Oxford don” (Time). “Everything he says is controversial” (the Guardian).
Standup sound bite: “If teenyboppers were exposed to heroin . . . perhaps we would be spared their awful music.”
Questionable moves: Dressed up as Osama bin Laden the day after 9/11. Once called then-President George W. Bush a “retarded cowboy fella.” Reportedly told Katy Perry he wanted a divorce via text message.
Twitter followers: More than 6.5 million.
Tweets about: Politics; stories he contributes to the Guardian; national security; how governments could tackle drug addiction.
Brand is at the Warner Theatre September 12; tickets ($35 to $45) at 800-745-3000 or livenation.com.
In a Nutshell: Obnoxious frat boy.
Love life: Has reportedly dated Jessica Simpson and Julianne Hough.
Movies: Employee of the Month; Good Luck Chuck; Dan in Real Life.
Cook on Cook: “I’m pretty low-key when I’m not onstage. . . . People created an identity to fortify their belief that I’m not funny.”
Others on Cook: “A narcissist who has lost all touch with humility and quite possibly humanity” (the A.V. Club). “The world’s worst successful comedian” (the Atlantic Wire).
Standup sound bite: “When you see someone walking down the street in a Superman T-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest and, when they start to bleed, go, ‘I guess not!’ ”
Questionable moves: Refused to let his performance at a fundraiser for Boston Marathon bombing victims be live-streamed with the rest of the show. Was forced to apologize for what he dubbed a “bad judgment call” after joking about the 2012 shootings in Aurora, Colorado.
Twitter followers: More than 3 million.
Tweets about: Himself; where to buy tickets to his upcoming tour; his one-night stands.
Cook is at DAR Constitution Hall September 12; tickets ($39.50 to $55) at 202-397-7328 or ticketmaster.com.
This article appears in the September 2013 issue of The Washingtonian.