Thursday, February 12
EAT: Here’s a Jersey Shore party you’ll actually want to go to—it makes no promises of blowouts or fist pumping or tanned orange people. Instead, the New Jersey State Society will serve up Taylor pork rolls, curly fries, crabcakes, and boardwalk chicken at Pop’s SeaBar in Adams Morgan. $10. 6 PM.
FILM: Hole in the Sky art space is hosting Projectile Dysfunction, an every-once-in-a-while film screening. This month, check out the French-Italian sci-fi cult classic Barbarella, starring Jane Fonda as a spacefaring rescuer woman who ends up teaching space civilizations about Earth sex. Perfect for Valentine’s Day. Free. 9 PM.
ART: This weekend is the Georgetown Arts show, featuring works by Georgetown residents and people who have studios in the neighborhood. It’s at the House of Sweden, and there’s an opening reception with delicious appetizers and drinks. The show will run through the weekend. Free. 6 PM.
Friday, February 13
VARIETY: Black Cat hosts Church Night, which is more blasphemous than religious, but hey, that kind of works? It’s a night of comedy, burlesque, music, and other things that sinners love. Tickets ($10) are available online. 9 PM.
MAKE SOMETHING: The National Portrait Gallery presents SweetARTS and Valentine’s, which is perfect for those of you who have no idea what to get your significant other for the holiday. You’ll have professionals on hand to teach you how to make a fancy yet heartfelt card, and horticulturists will teach you how to make an orchid corsage, which is probably a skill you could have used in high school. Free for card workshop, $10 for corsage. All day (until 7 PM).
DANCE: Napoleon Bistro hosts Love Hurts, a dance night for those of us who are broken-hearted. The all-vinyl dance party will feature sad (but fun!) hits from Rick James, Whitney Houston, Aretha, Natalie Cole, and more, and will feature specialty cocktails stirred up for the occasion. Who knows, maybe you’ll manage to meet that special someone. $10 (includes one drink). 6 PM to 2 AM.
DANCE: Malmaison hosts I Wanna Dance With Somebody, an ’80s-themed Valentine’s dance party—probably a good chance to pull out your red tracksuit. Tickets ($10) are available online. 9 PM.
Saturday, February 14
FIND LOVE: Washingtonian is hosting its annual Singles Soiree, a blowout anti-Valentine’s Day bash at Penn Social. It’s the perfect place to meet someone cool—you know they have good taste in reading materials and in bars, and there’s lots of games, drinks, food, music, etc. Admission is $10 and includes two drinks. For more anti-Valentine’s Day fun, check out our roundup of parties.
STORYTELLING/DANCING: Whether you’re in a relationship or not, 9:30 Club is a good place to be for Valentine’s Day. First you get SpeakeasyDC’s Sucker for Love storytelling night, in which the area’s best comedians and minor celebrities talk about their trials and tribulations in love. Afterward, it’s Mixtape, DC’s best alt dance party (it caters to LGBT people but is very fun for all).
Storytelling: $25, 8:30 PM
Dancing: $12, 11 PM
BAR CRAWL: The Valentine’s Day Dupont bar crawl has already happened and is so last week. This week, everyone has moved on to Presidents’ Day. So, look presidential or at least patriotic, and try not to take too many pictures that can one day be used as opposition research. Tickets ($15) are available online. 2 to 10 PM.
DRINK: Jack Rose hosts QLIKD, which I think is an acronym but it’s one I can’t figure out. In any case, it’s going to be a very classy and very fun Valentine’s party, featuring GQ-approved mixologists, Scotch, on-site grooming by professionals, and more. Free. 5:30 PM.
Sunday, February 15
RUN: In the winter, I prefer to put more clothes on to keep warm. Maybe I’m weird. But this weekend, a whole bunch of people will run in the cold half naked for the Cupid’s Undie Run. It raises money for the Children’s Tumor Foundation and is a ton of fun. It’s not too late to run, and it’s free to just hang out at Hawk N Dove for the afterparty. Free ($80 to run). Noon.
BARS: Mixologists from Bar Pilar and Hank’s on the Hill take their show on the road for a once-a-month pop-up invasion of another bar. This month, they’ll be taking over Cafe Saint-Ex for a tribute to Chicago’s retro tiki bar Three Dots and a Dash. Sounds like a good way to warm up. Free. 7 PM.
Monday, February 16
LOUNGE: Dram & Grain mixologist Lukas Smith and actress Shayna Blass are throwing it back to the 1930s and ’40s with the Secret Monkey Social Club, a night of cocktails and cabaret at the Dolcezza factory in Union Market. There’ll be five punches for $8 apiece, music, and cabaret performances throughout the night. 9 PM.
TRIVIA: The Wonderland Ballroom hosts its usual trivia night, with a special Meatless Monday deal: Order one of the vegetarian entrees off the menu and get a free beer, cocktail, or glass of wine. A free drink is enough incentive to skip the burger just this once, right? 7:30 PM.
Know of something cool going on around town? E-mail Jason Koebler at email@example.com, or find him on Twitter at @jason_koebler.