With Halloween still two weeks away, DC residents with superlative self-control are already ordering loads of candy, purportedly to store and keep ready for trick-or-treaters. (I’d like to see how much is left by the 31st.) The online grocer Peapod has released a list of this year’s most popular goodies in the DC area. The takeaway? Chocolate is king, obviously. Here’s the full roster, complete with a few questionable choices*:
1. Kit Kat, snack size.
Look who’s sitting pretty at No. 1, same as last year. Perplexing, since nobody ever says,“I could go really for a Kit-Kat right now,” despite the company’s mission to market it to the office crowd as the snack of choice when you need a “break.” Kit-Kat is a generic, safe bet. You’re not going to raise any eyebrows, but they won’t sit around uneaten till Thanksgiving, either.
2. Brach’s Candy Corn
Ew. For decoration only.
3. Snickers, fun size
A nearly perfect food. In fact, professional snackers* theorize the protein from peanuts staves off a sugar overdose so you can eat more candy before you feel sick.
4. Hershey’s assorted miniature chocolates
Candy is shrinking to disturbingly small sizes. Mini is even smaller than “Fun” Size, which everyone knows is not that much fun! Stop this. Halloween has never been about moderation.
5. Butterfinger, fun size
Not one you’d typically reach for, but a nice, crispy novelty for the holiday. Live a little. But don’t let these sit around. Stale BFs are gross, and could pull out a filling.
6. York Peppermint Patties
Technically still chocolate, but save these for last during a candy binge. Otherwise you’ll throw off the whole palette. Definitely more popular with parents than kiddies, too.
7. Milky Way, fun size
Sure why not? A smoother version of Snickers. But I’m noticing a lack of creativity on our shopping lists, here.
8. 3 Musketeers, fun size
Draw a line, people. Don’t you want at least caramel and probably some peanuts in there? Halloween isn’t about minimalism, either. All for one and kinda lame.
9. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, snack size
The snack-sized version is just a single PB cup instead of the usual two per package. If you buy the foil-wrapped mini size, however, prepare for backlash. Minis have a nearly one-to-one ratio of chocolate to peanut butter, compared to the thin chocolate layer surrounding regular-sized PB cups. People have strong feelings about this. (I think both are masterpieces in their own right, like the acoustic and electric versions of “Layla.”)
10. Dove Promises, dark chocolate
These are the chocolates with inspirational messages on the insides of the wrappers. “Keep moving forward; don’t look back,” “You go, girl! You deserve this!,” and “Dare to love completely,” are all real examples. I guess it’s nice to throw something in the trick-or-treat bucket for the divorced parents?
*I spoke to no pro snackers. My friends do not get paid to binge-eat candy while watching The Bachelor.